Baked Battlefields

Assassination of the Swedish rebel Engelbrekt Engelbrektsson (May 4, 1436)

In 1436, Swedish rebel leader Engelbrekt Engelbrektsson was assassinated near Örebro after leading one of the most important uprisings in medieval Scandinavian history. What started as anger over taxes, trade disruption, and foreign officials under the Kalmar Union exploded into a national rebellion backed by miners, peasants, nobles, and townspeople. Engelbrekt became the face of resistance against Erik of Pomerania, helping crack the power of the union and reshape Swedish politics forever. In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down the rebellion, the politics, the murder, and how a mine-owning rebel from Bergslagen became one of Sweden’s national heroes. Along the way, we get a little high, crack some jokes about medieval Scandinavian politics, and remind ourselves that sometimes the people who lose power in life win the memory war after death. Precise history. Imprecise sobriety. Revolutions don’t stay clean.

Islamic Invasion of Hispania (April 27, 711)

In 711, a relatively small force crossed from North Africa into Europe — and within a few years, an entire kingdom collapsed. In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down the Islamic conquest of Hispania, beginning with the landing at Gibraltar by Tariq ibn Ziyad and culminating in the decisive Battle of Guadalete. Facing a larger but divided Visigothic force under Roderic, Tariq’s army capitalized on internal fractures that caused the Visigothic army to collapse from within. We talk strategy, leadership failures, internal division, and how one battle didn’t just decide a fight — it ended a kingdom and created Al-Andalus, reshaping the history of Spain and Europe for centuries. Precise history. Imprecise sobriety. Kingdoms fall from the inside.

Jerusalem Civil War Comes to an End (April 20, 1152)

In 1152, the Kingdom of Jerusalem wasn’t fighting an external enemy — it was fighting itself. In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down how Baldwin III marched on his own capital to take full control from his mother, Melisende, after years of shared rule turned into a power struggle. The conflict ended with a tense siege inside Jerusalem itself, as Baldwin forced his way into the city and surrounded the Tower of David. We talk medieval politics, divided loyalties, why kingdoms fracture from within, and how this moment stabilized the Crusader state just in time for the larger conflicts that were coming. Along the way, we get a little high, crack some jokes about medieval family drama, and remind ourselves that sometimes the most dangerous wars aren’t against enemies — they’re against your own side. Precise history. Imprecise sobriety. Family politics… but with armies.

Battle of the Horns of Hama (April 13, 1175 CE)

In 1175, long before he became famous for fighting the Crusaders, Saladin fought one of the most important battles of his career — not against Christians, but against rival Muslim rulers who didn’t believe he should control Syria. At the Battle of the Horns of Hama, Saladin faced the forces of the Zengids, who saw his rapid rise as a threat. The battle was decisive — once the Zengid line broke, the army collapsed, and Saladin emerged as the dominant power in Syria, controlling everything except Aleppo. In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down how this victory allowed Saladin to consolidate power, unify key territories, and set the stage for the campaigns that would eventually lead to the defeat of the Crusader states. Along the way, we get a little high, crack some jokes about medieval politics, and remind ourselves that before you fight your enemies… you have to defeat your rivals. Precise history. Imprecise sobriety. Unity is never peaceful.

The Battle of Thapsus (April 6, 46 BCE)

On April 6, 46 BC, on the North African coast, two Roman armies faced off in one of the final battles of the Roman Republic. In this episode of Baked Battlefields, we break down the Battle of Thapsus, where Julius Caesar faced the last major Republican forces led by Metellus Scipio and supported by Cato the Younger. The battle featured war elephants, veteran legions, and a turning point that would reshape Roman history. We talk tactics, why the elephants failed, how quickly the battle collapsed, and why this victory didn’t just win a war — it helped end the Roman Republic. Along the way, we get a little high, crack some jokes about Roman decision-making, and remind ourselves that sometimes winning everything can cost you everything. Precise history. Imprecise sobriety. Civil wars don’t end cleanly.