Open the Wound Bible Based Podcast

What belief systems do you have that may contribute to your mental health?

What are belief systems?  They are beliefs about religion, world views, economical views, based off what has been experienced in life, while be raised as a child, and could be developed by harsh treatments well into adulthood. Some beliefs that I've heard are about races of people, it is stated that some groups of people are lazy and just want to be taken care of. While other groups of people work hard for what they want, and are entitled to wealth. Belief systems are taught, and are not necessarily positive ways of thinking. If your belief system is causing you to be confused about life and the world you live in, then those belief systems have given you a false sense of being, or reality. Some of my beliefs that was ingrained in my mind, is that if you cry its a sign of weakness. I had to be strong, not letting anyone know what you didn't have. In otherwords if you have financial difficulties, that is not to be broadcast. Don't ask for assistance, because it's embarrassing, Use what you got to get what you want was another thing that was told to me as a child. I knew some of these things were wrong, but how could I decipher the good from bad. I grew up trying to figure things out in the world. Another thing that was developed is fear of eating, or spending the night at other peoples houses. I was raised not to eat because people are evil, and not to sleep at others' home because they are not clean. So, as an adult I had all these belief systems that needed to be reconstructed with truth. I had developed a fear although noone was aware of this, but I started being careful where I sit in someone's home, if I went to use their restroom I had to look at the toilet to make sure it was clean, in restaurants I looked at the utensils, the glasses, the food itself to make sure there wasn't anything in it that did not belong, I had developed a form of OCD. I had a fear of being in crowds, because that's when conflict arises, so I didn't go to house parties or to many school events.  So, now as an adult I have figured out that a lot of my OCD issues were developed by false beliefs. How do you demolish false belief systems? You have to seek answers by reading, researching and asking questions to family members about why were these beliefs passed on to you. I personally realized that the beliefs were passed on to me, because a cousin of mine, was poisoned, she went out to a club with friends, had drinks and someone slipped a mickey in her drink. She passed away. So of course the family members had issues with these things already, and it just built more mistrust in the world that we all live in. Our belief system was then validated, but it was validated using fear as a way to keep us from experiencing life.  What are some of your belief systems that are giving you a false sense of exhistence, false sense of security, and causing you to have emotional and mental stressors in your life. Here are a few examples of belief systems that have been passed along to us through our home life and church life. Behavioral beliefs, how we should behave, should we express our true feelings, or supress our feelings, anger, outburst in order to get our way. Unconscious beliefs, maybe you think you are better than someone else because of your education or financial status in the world, Conscious beliefs you could be very arrogant and prideful, noone can correct you, rational beliefs they seem right, but maybe its not completely rational thinking. Religion is a major belief system that maybe you feel that your race is the chosen race and noone else is truly saved, or worthy of salvation.  We have to renew our minds, changing our worldly views and breaking the negative belief systems that cause us heartache, confusion and pain.  Romans 12:2 says Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and perfect.  2 Samuel 24:14 says David said to Gad, I am in deep distress. Let us fall into the hands of the Lord for his mercy. But do not let me fall into human hands. We have to first identify the issues we have, then place them at the alter of God, allowing him to transform us into a new person by changing our old ways of thinking.

Wounds from words spoken over our lives.

I pray that today finds you in good spirits, I pray that you have overcome wounds that you never thought you could or would overcome and heal from. Today, we will talk about wounds from words spoken in your life. Many people have said that sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt us. That is not true.  According to Proverbs 18:21 Amplified states: Death and Life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words. Colossians 3:8-9 states: But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. 9. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, 10. and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to image of Him who created him When I was a child I remember my grand mother saying if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Once I got older I realized that the word nice is deceptive, although it starts out complimentary, it ends and deceptive. So I understand now that we should be kind with our words. Kindness is being truthful, but with tact as Jesus spoke he spoke truth even when he addressed his disciples and Mary Magdalene. However, in society today we have people just spreading hate speech all across this land, people are slandering others names, and then we have those that gossip about others personal lives and it causes alot of discord.  Depending on how you use your words they can go out and set a tone to do you or the person those words were meant for, some very hard times. Do you ever ask yourself why Proverbs 18:21 states that the power of llife in death are in the tongue, its because once we received the Holy Spirit, then we have the same power in us to speak blessings or curses over our lives or the lives of others. How many of you have had someone close to you or even family members curse you telling you that you are no good, you're bummy, you are low class and will never amount to anything. Those words are harmful to a person's mental state. Especially, when it comes from someone you respected. That's why we need to be mindful of the things that we say out of our mouths, because once you said it, it's too late to turn back from it. The enemy used you to belitte someone and damage them to the point that they feel useless. Some words that have been said to some people have also caused them to commit suicide. Words to people can damage more sometimes than actions. I know that people will tell you to grow a pair, or they'll tell you that you need to get tougher skin and stop wearing your feelings on your sleeves. Here's the thing, if you don't like being talked to harshly, then don't you speak harshly, if you don't like being lied on then don't lie to others, if you don't like being gossiped about or slandered then don't you gossip or slander anyone. See we sit and become hypocrites about the very thing we don't want done to us and it causes havoc in our lives.  I wish that we could all realize the hypocrisy of the society that we live in today. Its more or less that it's not offensive to you until it happens to you, or it's not your problem until it happens to you. I recall years ago being around some one that said they couldn't believe a paticular individual fell in to adultry because of the Leadership position, they compared themselves to that person saying I wouldn't fall into that, and of course, the Lord had to show them that the very words you said about someone else, is now your situation, and now your sitation is out publicly. Would you want people to show you mercy, because that's what the other person was wanting when they went through it.  We have to stop pretending or feeling like we are untouchable. Stop spreading slander, stop using your words to hurt others and you have all rights to stop someone from speaking negatively about your life, your children, your job, your finances and your spiritual walk. If you are upset, frustrated, or anxious about something, be slow to speak and quick to listen, that's one of the best things you can do to keep from saying something you didn't mean to say. If you have ever spoken words over yourlife or anyone you can recant them in prayer. You just go into prayer asking the Lord to retract every negative statement and you name it out in prayer and allow uplifting, empowering, encouraging words to come from your lips, let them be blessings and not curses and end in Jesus Mighty name. Amen. We have to watch every word that we say even in joking, I'm not saying you can't have fun, but just be careful that you don't place word curses over yourself or anyone else, no matter how upset you are, remain silent as Jesus did with Pontius Pilate.

Soul Ties Influencing Your Life and What are They?

Good day everyone! I pray that you all have been doing well and that the Lord has truly been dealing with you all in different areas of your lives. I pray that all is well with your spirits, your mental health, and your financial health as well. Today, I want to talk to you about the topic of Soul ties. I'm almost positive that at some point in your christian life or journey, you have heard the term Soul ties, and were told that they need to be broken from your life.  If you have not heard it, let me give you some insight on the definition. A soul tie is an emotional and spiritual connection between two people. It can be formed through relationships and interactions with certain individuals such as family members, friends, co-workers, romantic partners and even pets. Soul ties can be long-lasting and effect you or impact your life in a negative way, which develops into strongholds. Some of these ties will leave us feeling depressed, anxious, suicidal, angry, financially distressed, emotionally unhealthy and could cause us to ultimately turn away from the Lord depending on the magnitude of the soul tie and its influences. Let me break this down from a biblical perspective. According to Genesis 2:24 It reads: Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 1 Corinthians 6:16 reads: Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, the two will become one flesh" 1 Corinthians 6:18 reads: Flee from sexual immoraility. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Galatians 5:1 reads: For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. From a biblical perspective the reason, we were to refrain from sexual relationships until marriage, is because once you have broken the seal of virginity, which is sacred to marriage vows, you have now become one flesh with the individual you have slept with. Now, lets go further, for everyone that you slept with, and the other person slept with, you have formed a soul tie with them, even if you have not slept with the other individuals. What happens is that the spirit transfers to each one, so if someone is dealing with the spirit of poverty, sucidal, depression, anxiety, low-self esteem, anger, jealousy, whoremongering, etc, then that spirit will spread within the groups of people that either of the two people initally slept with. In other words, if I slept with 5 different people, I have a soul tie with each one of them, and if each one of them are dealing with any of the listed things I previously mentioned, then that starts to manifest itself in my life and the life of anyone else I sleep with, then if they in turn sleep with others the cycle goes on and on and not only do I pass things from myself to others, but others past things to others and we're all in what you would call a bigamist relationship not knowing or understanding the spiritual effects it can and will have on our lives. How, because consummation (sexual intercourse) was the action making a marriage complete, if there was no consummation for a year then the marriage is not considered a marriage until intercourse takes place. In society today, we have gotten away from the morals and values from the bible and we considered them to be old fashioned, but the instructions are clear in the word of God. We have so many people dealing with traumas, wounds from past relationships and we're looking for ways to escape the pain, not realizing that its an accumulation of childhood trauma, combined with the soul ties we have in our lives.  Let me dig deeper, say for instance you have a group of girlfriends that you hang out with on a consistent basis. The soul tie that you will make is your menses will sync up, each one will experience their time of the month a few days apart from each other, or a week a part from each other, also these same friends if one becomes pregnant, another will within a few weeks or months apart from each other.  Also, the same group of friends can be married and if there is maritial problems within the group say arguing ensues with one couple, the next week it will be the next couple and so forth and so on. The sad thing is that they don't recognize the cycle and don't understand the spiritual connections behind it. A soul tie can also cause you to push others that recognize the difference in you away. You will begin to think that they are jealous of your relationship, or they don't know what they are talking about. Listen if someone is draining your mental ability to cope with life in a positive manner as you did before they came into your life, then this is when you need to do a self examination of the relationship. You may have entangled yourself with a negative soul tie. It doesn't mean that the person is a bad person, it just means that you need to break the soul tie of those that are connected to the individual you are dealing with and he/she needs to break the soul ties of the people from past relationships as well. That's why it's not good to jump from one relationship to another so quickly, because there is baggage that follows.  The blessing is that soul ties can be broken, you will have to do some research, listing the people you have been involved with both intimately and friendships that you feel an emotional connection with. Focus on the things that you know of the individuals, what are they dealing with emotionally, spiritually etc, and then you start to pray casting out and denouncing the very issues to break that soul tie.  If you don't know how to start the prayer here is an example: Father in the name of your son Jesus, I know I have soul ties with and you say the person name, Lord I ask that you sever the soul tie of unforgiveness, anxiety, depression, poverty, anger, jealousy, from my life, I ask Lord that you will set straight what was broken in me, that I may live a life filled with your peace, love, and joy. I ask now Lord that you will fill me with your holy spirit, and give me the strength not to get tangled up into another soul tie that is not through marriage, set a hedge of protection around me, and increase my spiritual discernment that I maybe able to recognize a soul tie before it takes root in me through different friendships, coworkers and or family members. Lord help me to be who you want me to be, lead me into all truth and show me your ways that my ways will line up with your word. I ask Lord that you will forgive me of my sins and make me whole again. I ask these things in your son Jesus Christ Name Amen! Now, once you have broken the soul ties, its best that you do not continue delving into different sexual relationships again, because it could be worse. I have had my on personal experiences with soul ties, and I can tell you, that it is not fun, its very painful, and it almost cost me my life.  I pray that this episode of Open the Wound has helped you to discover if you have a soul tie. As always I thank you for listening and subscribing, please feel free to leave feedback, if you are in need of prayer don't hesitate to reach out. I pray that this has truly been healing, for your mind, body, spirit and soul.

Are you dealing with stubbornness leading you the wrong way? How? and Why?

I believe all of us in times have dealt with someone who exhibits stubborn behaviors and we either ignore them or we address them with truth. We have probably gotten cursed out, because people don't want to deal with the truth of their behaviors. Well, the word of the Lord gives us correction, and sometimes we get upset when we read his word, so we begin to overlook different scriptures dealing with our own attitudes, or behaviors so to speak. I know you're asking yourself what does this have to do with stubbornness? My answer to that is a lot!  Most of us do not handle correction well, we are set in our ways and for so long we haven't had any true friends that loved us enough to tell us the truth about ourselves.  Proverbs 12:1 says: whoever loves disicpline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid. Proverbs 29:1 says: He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing. Stubbornness is defined as having or showing dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something, especially in-spite of good arguments or reasons to do so. Refusal to learn from experience, someone that is hard to convince, persuade or move.  It's also a sign of insecurity and a way to hold onto a very fragile mental equillibrium. It is said that truly strong people know how to compromise when necessary. It is also said that Stubborn people are often fearful of change, which explains the rigidity that characterizes much of their behavior. People who have been wounded hold on to their points of view, because they feel vulnerable or they don't want to feel that they are weak, or that they aren't standing up for themselves. It's their protective mechanisms kicking in to form a barrier wall of protection. Their mindset is that, I'm not going to allow anyone to get the best of me again, and that they are protecting themselves from becoming a victim again. The stinking thinking forms. Once people have experienced mental, emotional and or physical abuse, they do view things differently. Those that have experienced mental and emotional abuse state that they could have dealt with the physical abuse better, Why? Because, it's just physical scars, and the mental and emotional is worse. They feel that it's harder because they deal with feelings of depression, suicidal thoughts, not knowing what to feel or even how to feel. I can relate, but at the same time I was a victim of all three the mental, emotional and physical abuse. I'm not saying that my case was worse, it depends on each individuals experience and how they dealt with their life while going through it. My physical scars you can't see them, my emotional and mental scars are their, but I have learned to deal with life from a spiritual point. If it wasn't for the word of the Lord I truly don't know where I'd be at this moment in my life. It was only the Lord that healed me from my stinking thinking. I felt that I needed to vindicate myself and retalliate against those that did harm to me, but reading the word showed me that I had to forgive others, so that I could be forgiven. So, I had to face my emotional, mental and physical abuse issues head on. I took a look in the mirror and I hated what I saw staring back at me. The pain from it all was depressing, and I truly wanted to end the pain, the sufferring, I really didn't think about what would happen to my son, I just wanted to be free from the pain. That was my stinking thinking, before my mindset changed. I thought that I needed to be strong, don't allow anyone to tell me anything, because they're not walking in my shoes, so I developed this strong willed attitude, because I didn't want to be a victim, or feel weak. I made myself not feel, I got angry when something caused me to shed a tear, I was so jacked up mentally and emotionally and dealing with the physical scars that only my husband that I'm married to now, and I can see. I felt worthless at some points in my life. I was determined to not allow anyone to get the best of me again.  That type of thinking was the birth of me becoming stubborn or hard headed. I had to decide not to allow the pain to cause me to complain or spiral downward into that depressed state of mind, the enemy of our souls will bring past situations up in order to paralyze us from reaching the destiny that the Lord has for us. I was searching for peace, and I didn't want to be robbed of a future designed by the Lord. So, Yes! I thought my stubbornness was actually helping me and keeping me from being abused. The Lord wants us to be set free from those burdens, those things that so easily besets us. Although we all have had some form of trials, struggles in life, I personally feel that once we get on the other side of the pain, we can begin to see clearer and learn the lesson from it. Now, I look back and I know the difference of being in a healthy relationship compared to a toxic one. I had to make up my mind to not be a victim over and over again. I had to dig deep down and find strength and courage to get out of situations that weren't healthy for my son and I. I started looking at my life differently to see what I could change about me. I realized that by me being head strong or just plain stubborn caused me to make bad decisions. That was all on me and I had to face it, I grabbed that bull by the horns and faced it. It's hard sometimes to admit to ourselves that we were the cause of some of our pain, but I had to face that if I truly wanted to be delivered and healed. I truly wanted peace to be in my life, and wanted to be out of the personal hell that I placed myself in.  When you view yourself with the scales removed from your eyes, you will begin to see things clearer, than ever before. That happened due to me reading the word of the Lord and searching scriptures for the issues that I had been dealing with, throughout my life. I needed to be healed from it all. I had to ask the Lord to guide me and to give me peace. Only the Lord knows, why, I asked that question, because it seemed that everything that could arise to cause me discomfort appeared knocking at my door. I didn't realize that in order to develop or attain peace, that discomfort had to come about in my life, to teach me how to handle things differently, then how I handled things before. I really didn't know the extent of my wounds and the damage they caused me emotionally and mentally. I was so bogged down with flaws and emotional baggage that I truly wanted to give up, I saw no way of escaping, but God intervened in my life one night. I was at a shopping center heading to my car after grocery shopping. This man appeared out of no where and said to me John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Once I read that scripture, I took that as God sending me a message to trust him and get my life together.  It seemed the more I prayed the more was revealed to me about my way of thinking. Yes, Still dealing with head strong, stubborn Tabatha.  I remember running into a Lady, I knew she was God sent, she told me that the Lord will not place burdens on us, and that he is our burden bearer. She was in my life for a season and disappeared, she helped me to understand somethings about forgiving and she really hammered it in, she said because God will then forgive me. The forgiveness wasn't for the other person, it was for me, and, I needed to get passed things in life. I truly thank God for those devine interventions as they showed me to always put my trust in him and he will see me through it.  The Lord did allow me to go through trials to break that strong willed spirit, being head strong or let me just be real and say that jezebel spirit or withcraft spirit, because I wanted to be in control. In order to be free, you have to face what's looking back at you in the mirror. Everything isn't lovely, I was a wreck. Where I thought strength and being head strong was good, it really was doing me damage not only naturally, but spiritually as well. We have to be honest with ourselves, our friends and family, because if we all go around living in a fantasy world, noone is living in reality. We're all living a lie, with blinders on. Friends that I look to have are those that are not afraid to tell me what I need to hear compared to what I want to hear. They will not pull back any punches and tell me when my stinking thinking is rising up. If my friends see me doing something contrary to what I confess as a christian they should reprove me. That's what's needed, but not to many really want you to correct them on their behaviors, so how are we learning to be better versions of ourselves created by God, if we choose not to say anything or accept correction.  Do you know that some of your friends right now know that if they try to correct you, they know you will get salty with them. Guess what? They leave you right there and talk about you later, because they know you won't accept what they are trying to help you with. We need to be those types of friends that would be kind enough to show the love and tell us what we need, in order to save our lives and to do better.  Proverbs 27:5-6 says: Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Some of your so called friends are actually your enemies, especially if they agree with your negative behaviors. I had to evaluate different relationships and start eliminating those that meant me no good. I didn't want or need a cheerleading squad to cheer my negative behaviors. I need a cheerleading squad of telling me truth, that would set me free from satan's grip. I need people that will ruffle my feathers, tell me the truth in love and help me to get to a place of freedom in Christ, so that I could be used for the Lord. Stubborn behaviors causes us to pick and choose who we will associate with and won't. If we know someone is going to tell us about ourselves we tend to stay away from them, but the ones that cheer our negative behaviors on, that's who we cling to. Ask yourself this: Do you really want to be healed and set free? Are you willing to face what's looking back at you in the mirror? Are you willing to ask your friends to honestly tell you what they think of you? Are you willing to accept their responses?

Refrain from the Norm

STOP don't fall for the normal tricks, you know the one that got you hurt the last time, and the time before. You know the pattern that you always tend to fall for, either in intimate relationships or in friendships. What is wrong with you? Why do you keep setting yourself up for failure, and then fall into a depressed state? Do you have " use me" written across your forehead, or, are you putting too much expectations on relationships, or in people who do not care about the relationship as much as you? Why do we automatically feel that just because you associate with someone that you are best friends or that it would be a two-sided relationship? In relationships, you must have common interests, and you should get to know each other on different levels. Get to know a persons character, the morals and values, their pet peaves or likes and dislikes.  When we speak or elaborate on the norm, What are we truly asking? Are we inquiring about the norms of society? or the norm for different genders? or the norm for different ethnic groups and races of people? or the norm for those that are christian or athiest?  I think that the norm is basically what each individual or group considers to be normal based on experiences.  For example: An abusive home life compared to a nurturing homelife. If someone has grown up in an abusive home, would it be fair to assume, that they think it is normal? Especially if they only witnessed abuse throughout their life.  Would someone that was raised in a nurturing home understand the problems of someone that was raised in an abusive home? How would they respond to visiting someone in an abusive environment? Would they have more understanding of the behaviors of the abuse victim?  Would they sympathize with the individual? Would they think that it is just a victims mentality they are protraying, are they seeking attention from others if they share their life history, or have they overcome these obstacles in life and share their testimony to help others, or express who they are and what they've overcome in life as a way of strengthening themselves?  For me I share my testimony, because I am amazed how the Lord brought me through and I still have peace, joy, happiness. You know the unspeakable joy the bible speaks about. I have that type of joy now in my life. I am ever so thankful to the Lord, he is the one who gets the Glory when we share what he brought us through, and it helps others who think they are alone to know that their is someone else in the world that experienced what they have and survived.  My life as a teenager and into adulthood was surrounded by abuse for many years, things that I witnessed as a child with different female relatives and even while in school. It had my thought process thinking that abuse was normal, being hit by a man, keeping you in line. But, then as I got older and started dating I found that it was not normal, but constant occurrence. I personally experienced domestic violence in different relationships and each time I thought I was getting out, I ended right back in a new abusive relationship, if it wasn't sexual assault, it was financial, verbal or physical abuse. It truly became my normal for a few years, until the last straw. That's what I thought!  Relationships would start out beautiful, but after a few months it would go down like a fiery flame. I don't know what changed, was it me, was I naive? Did I miss something? Did I cause the problem or did they have a problem? Why didn't I see the evidence, or did I just dismiss the evidence? Those were the questions I started asking myself after decades of turmoil. I know those maybe the same questions you might have asked yourself as well. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in the beauty of the relationship that we miss those signs when he/she would get verbally aggressive and chalk it up to them having a bad day at work or something. Other times we dismiss the aggressive grab or push and they realize it, so they immediately apologize, so again you dismiss this behavior as a bad day or bad mood. It was evident already where this would end up, but you stayed in it, because it felt good to be loved. I know; and so we decide to give it a try after all, he/she couldn't be that bad of a person. Look at how many friends they have, and the fun we have together, the family life, and yes you feel security there, or is it a facade? As I got older I realized that a person can only pretend to be something they are not for about 30 to 60 days, you'll start to see evidence within 30 days, but chalk it off to something else. Guess what? You just fell into the pattern of the norm that you are accustomed to. Things you need to refrain from: Rushing a relationship, having intimate relations after a short period of time, sharing past relationship failures, and letting people know just how vulnerable you are. Once I realized that fighting, yelling, sexual abuse, financial abuse or control was not normal, I made a decision to get out of anything that would appear to be abusive in nature. I don't care if they were having a bad day or not, what ever is in a person will come out of them. So, my new outlook on life was to change what I considered to be normal, In 2009 I finally gave it all to the Lord, I cried out to him asking him to help me be a better version of myself, and don't allow anyone to come into my life that is not from him that would cause me harm. I did not want to be fooled anymore. I had positive self talk, I focused on helping myself get a grip on life, my christian walk, and what was important to me. I focused on raising my child as a single mother, and focused on my education. As my life changed, my relationship choices changed as well. I got away from my delusion of normal, and came into reality of true living. I found peace, joy, happiness, security, self confidence and finally a true love. In 2010 my life was changed with the meeting of my best friend, my husband, my confidant, my prayer partner, and everything in between. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 AMP: Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked (nor overly sensitive and easily angered); it does not take into account a wrong endured. 6. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth (when right and truth prevail). 7. Love bears all things (regardless of what comes), believes all things (looking for the best in each one), hopes all things (remaining steadfast during difficult times), endures all things (without weakening).  For those of you that have experienced abusive relationships and you just feel like giving up, I say to you, don't. I will say take your time to find out what your norm is and if it is abusive, then take the time to heal, build yourself up, don't allow someone else's bad behaviors to damage your outlook on life. It's not your fault, you can't change anyone, you can only change yourself, your belief system, your normal, your confidence, your heart. If you see red flags don't ignore them escape.  The norm for me was very destructive, I sabotaged myself a few times, and now I look at life in this manner. I love everyone, I accept criticism in order to help me along my way in this christian walk, I look for positive in bad situations, my friends are few and to be honest they are just associates, they are people who know my name and some may know my back story, but they truly don't know the real me. They don't understand how I view friendships as a whole. If I say that I am your friend, then you should be able to correct me and vice versa, we should be able to do things together that each one likes and not just being about oneself, I show interest in my friends life and I am truly concerned about their well-being. Here's what I found in the past year or so, that some people don't understand the true meaning of friendship and they don't know how to accept the love that you may have to give.  What do you do with that? You meet them where they are and don't put more into it than what they are willing to give. In other words just be cordial, don't share to much about who you are, because it could be taken way out of context and they perceive you in the wrong way. You have to evaluate each relationship that you have in life on different levels. You have to know who you can confide in, who you can joke with, who you can just be you with. Some relationships can not handle the real you. It doesn't mean that you have to end it, but be cautious, pick up on the signals they are giving, and go from there it will keep you from getting hurt in the long run. I have a few people in my life that I know I can count on to tell me the truth even when I'm upset, my husband Darryl Hopson, my mother in law Delores Hopson, my brothers in christ Harrison, Jackson, and my son Vernon Clay.  We all need to have those people that no matter what our actions are they will pull our coat tail, if people can't tell you something to correct you, then how can you attempt to correct someone else's behaviors? Look in the mirror and see yourself. Refrain from the norm and try something different. Don't rush into relationships take your time to get to know people and if their is misperception you have all rights to ask for clarity, just be ready for the response you get and move on accordingly.