136/365 : Rowan McDonagh in County Clare
Rowan is brave, resilient and strong. Even though he says he felt much stronger when he was 8 years old.
When he was 8 he was sexually abused by three teachers. The abuse continued until he was 11. “The days that I used to get abused in the morning, first thing, they were the best because it was done for the day. So I think back to how strong that little guy was.”
It’s difficult for me to even type those words, I can’t fathom how hard it’s been for him to say them. He’s 49 now, and it was only just 5 years ago he found the tools he needed to unburden himself. After many years of anguish and pain.
His life was not an easy one. He kept the abuse a secret. His parents wondered what had changed to make their young boy start to act out. They sought help from doctors and the school, but yet the abuse continued in secrecy. “I remember going to doctors when I was ten or eleven, but not saying what was going on. My parents knew there was something, but I just couldn’t say it.”
Rowan wanted to share his story with me as part of the Sin Scéal Eile project because talking about it helps him. Bringing it out into the light makes it less scary, it allows him to process all that happened to him. Not just the abuse, but the life he lead afterwards.
His life was troubled to say the least. He turned to drugs and alcohol to quiet his mind. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and lived a very ‘rock n roll’ life in the music industry. It was a life where he could soak up the adrenaline of a live show, and just as easily hide the drug use. “Addiction affects everyone. It ripples out to every part of your life. It pollutes everything and I got into bad patterns, for decades restarting my life every three or four years.”
He would constantly crash and burn and then he’d seek help and try to reset his life. It wasn’t until five years ago a therapist suggested he write down his troubles. It was then, for the first time, he found the format he needed to tell the story of the awful things that happened to him as a child.
“I just sat down and wrote all about the abuse, you know, just pages and pages and pages and just sent it to the therapist and she was like, okay, finally we know.”
“I literally could not physically talk about it. But then with some psychology, eventually I became able to talk about it. When I was able to interact with others, I went on to do a trauma course in St Pats and talk with even more psychologists.”
Rowan’s recovery since then has been remarkable. He has left the music industry and swapped his once hedonistic lifestyle for a sober life in rural Clare. He has been clean for 5 years now. He spends his days rescuing abandoned dogs and intends to set up a kennel business near his cottage. All because he found his voice, told his story, and eventually he found his peace.
“It’s just peaceful here and I’ve found peace within myself. I know it sounds really cliche, but if I’m feeling crap, I just look out the window or take the dogs for a walk on the beach. It won’t fix everything, but it’s a start. It’s a tool to help me cope, one that doesn’t hurt others and that doesn’t hurt myself.”
This episode contains a story which might be distressing to some listeners, so please take care when listening.
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Sin Scéal Eile - That's Another Story was hosted and created by Ruth Medjber, with sound by Ronan Lally. The podcast is produced by Dee Reddy at Poddle Audio with original music by Elaine Mai.
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