The Gay Buddhist Forum by GBF

It's Okay to Not be Okay - Daigan Gaither

Daigan Gaither helps us examine how we can remain deeply engaged with a suffering world without losing our sanity, despite the "fire hose" of constant information and activism.  He explores the phrase "it's okay to not be okay" as a living practice rather than a mere platitude. Drawing on his experience as a Zen priest and long-time activist, Daigan explains that the Buddhist commitment to "not turning away" from suffering can sometimes lead to a state of being "overpowered" by the sheer volume of global crises. He argues that practitioners must learn to differentiate between the information they truly need and the noise that causes unnecessary overwhelm, while also paying close attention to "internal consumption"—the rigid thoughts, judgments, and expectations we impose upon ourselves. Daigan emphasizes that being "okay" is not a static state achieved through knowledge or following rules, but a continuous process of returning to the present moment. He suggests that the heart of practice is the ability to sit still amidst whatever is happening and connect with the raw reality of one’s own body and mind, rather than the stories we tell about them. To cultivate this resilience, he highlights several key approaches: * Mindful Consumption: Recognizing that thoughts, media, and opinions are forms of consumption that can create a cycle of anxiety if not monitored. * The Pursuit of Joy: Actively seeking out "pockets of safety" and small moments of delight—such as videos of babies laughing or the support of a community—to avoid falling into hopelessness. * Investigating the Body: Viewing mind and body as inseparable and investigating where emotions live physically (such as shallow breath or tightness) to transform abstract "big feelings" into manageable sensations. * The Power of the "Return": Accepting that 90% of practice is simply the act of settling back into awareness whenever the mind wanders into "not being okay". By viewing this internal struggle as a koan to be investigated, Daigan invites listeners to find a sense of liberation that doesn't require the world—or themselves—to be perfect. ______________ Rev. Daigan Gaither (he/him) began Buddhist practice in 1995 in the Vipassana (Insight) tradition, then began studying Zen in 2003. He received Lay Ordination in 2006 where he was given the name Daigan or “Great Vow,” and received Priest Ordination in July 2011.  Daigan speaks internationally on a variety of topics particularly around gender, sexuality, social justice, and their intersections with the Dharma. He also sits or has sat on a number of boards and committees that serve community needs and further social justice causes. Daigan has a BA in Philosophy and Religion from San Francisco State University, and an MA in Buddhist Studies (with a chaplaincy certificate and a certificate in Soto Zen Buddhism) from the Graduate Theological Union and the Institute of Buddhist Studies. He lives in San Francisco, CA and identifies as a disabled, queer, white, cis male. Learn more at https://queerdharma.net [https://queerdharma.net] ______________  To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/ [https://gaybuddhist.org/] There you can:   *  Donate  *  Learn how to participate live  *  Find our schedule of upcoming speakers  *  Join our mailing list or discussion forum *  Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995 CREDITS Audio Production: George Hubbard Producer: Tom Bruein Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Finding Your Posture of Peace - Victoria Austin

How can we maintain a steady heart and a sense of purpose when the world around us is in conflict?  Victoria Austin introduces us to the concept of a "posture of peace," which she defines not merely as a physical sitting position but as an enduring internal state. Drawing on stories of individuals facing extreme challenges—from the early days of the HIV/AIDS crisis to recovery from traumatic accidents—Victoria suggests that while feelings of love may fluctuate, an internal posture of peace allows us to remain grounded in our "vulnerable humanity." This posture serves as a cornerstone for action in the world, enabling practitioners to meet their "inmost request" and fulfill their unique work without being overwhelmed by external circumstances. To build this foundation, she provides a framework for understanding and transforming internal reactions, particularly those related to conflict and "unwholesome" impulses. She argues that peace is not passive but requires an active engagement with our emotions and the ethical consequences of our choices, such as avoiding the "three ways to be evil": acting directly, colluding, or condoning.  Victoria categorizes the messages behind our primary struggles and the paths to meaning as follows: * Anger: Acts as a signal for unmet needs or violated boundaries; when safely held, its energy becomes a resource for change. * Fear: A call for support and allies, often requiring the courage to ask for help. * Sadness and Grief: States that require time and the nurturing care of others—symbolized by "soup"—to be fully processed. * Three Ways to Live: she describes existence through the ultimate (the big picture), the relative (historical and familial connections), and the skillful (the ability to move between the two for meaning). By recognizing that "all experiences come from the mind," she concludes that an internal posture of love is contagious, impacting everyone we meet and offering a stable way to manifest love in an unsettled world. ______________ Shōsan Victoria Austin started practicing Zen in 1971, and is a Dharma heir of Sōjun Mel Weitsman. To help increase the accessibility of Zen practice in the West, she became an Iyengar yoga teacher in 1988. She has served in many roles at San Francisco Zen Center’s urban temples and Tassajara Monastery, including President, Head Cook, and Tanto (Head of Practice). Victoria currently teaches meditation and yoga in diverse settings throughout California and serves as an International Teacher (Kokusaifukyōshi) of the Sōtō School. ______________  To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/ [https://gaybuddhist.org/] There you can:   *  Donate  *  Learn how to participate live  *  Find our schedule of upcoming speakers  *  Join our mailing list or discussion forum *  Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995 CREDITS Audio Production: George Hubbard Producer: Tom Bruein Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

The War Within: Transforming Aggression into a Pure Heart - Mary Stares

Onryu Mary Stares helps us understand why external peace is impossible without first addressing the "war" occurring inside—the aggression and destructive emotions within our own heart. She offers several key approaches to support this effort: * Navigating the Kleshas: Mary identifies aggression as a "cold, critical, and fixed" mind and encourages practitioners to acknowledge this and other destructive emotions (pride, craving, jealousy, and ignorance) rather than skipping over them * The Wisdom of Manjushri: She uses the imagery of the bodhisattva Manjushri and his sword to illustrate how wisdom can be "cutting" and clear without being aggressive, provided it is used with a "pure heart" to perform appropriate actions * Practical Tools for Peace: A number of actionable methods for maintaining a peaceful internal posture during conflict are discussed, such as the STOP practice (Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed) and Pema Chödrön’s guidance to remain "embodied, present, and kind." * Transforming Personal Conflict: Through personal stories of facing workplace hostility and homophobic harassment, Mary demonstrates how meeting aggression with awareness and sadness—rather than counter-aggression—can prevent the creation of negative karma and lead toward wholeness and relationship ______________ Onryu Mary Stares first arrived at Tassajara in the summer of 2000, following a period of residential practice at Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia, Canada. After a number of years of coming and going she requested priest ordination and with that request committed to live and work in residence at San Francisco Zen Center for a number of years. Mary has lived and practiced at all three of the SFZC temples and has lived in a number of other Buddhist communities since 1999. A carpenter by trade, Mary was ordained as a Zen priest in 2010 by Arlene Lueck and Myogen Steve Stücky. Mary was Shuso (Head Student) for the Winter 2015 Practice Period at Tassajara. She most recently served as Director of City Center and is currently Tanto (Head of Practice) at City Center. ______________  To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/ [https://gaybuddhist.org/] There you can:   *  Donate  *  Learn how to participate live  *  Find our schedule of upcoming speakers  *  Join our mailing list or discussion forum *  Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995 CREDITS Audio Production: George Hubbard Producer: Tom Bruein Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Loving-Kindness Practice: Cutting Through Everyday Anxiety - Sean Feit Oakes

How can we cultivate a heart that remains open and loving regardless of the external circumstances we face?  In this talk, Sean Feit Oakes explores the Brahma Viharas, also known as the "divine abodes" or states of the heart, as a comprehensive framework for answering this question. He explains that while the Buddha is often associated with wisdom, these practices of love are foundational for both laypeople and monastics to access extraordinary states of consciousness.  He describes these four qualities not as separate entities, but as the "song" love sings depending on the context it encounters: * Loving-kindness (Metta): The quintessential quality of friendliness and unbounded, impersonal love. * Compassion (Karuna): What happens when loving-kindness encounters suffering and pain. * Empathic Joy (Mudita): Also referred to as "celebration," this is love encountering well-being or beauty. * Equanimity (Upekkha): A balanced, resting state of love that exists beyond specific objects or conditions, helping to prevent love from turning into grasping. Sean weaves together diverse influences, from the devotional lineage of Neem Karoli Baba to modern poetry, to illustrate how a dedicated practice of love can cut through everyday neuroses and anxiety. He emphasizes that love inevitably brings us into contact with both beauty and the "heartbreak" of the world's suffering, yet it remains the primary vehicle for healing and waking up.  Drawing on the Kalama Sutta, he encourages listeners to test these practices for themselves through direct experience rather than blind faith. He invites us to "turn on" the quality of love within the heart and allow it to lead one's movements and perceptions in daily life, suggesting that communities moving from a place of love have the power to ripple out and change the world. ______________ Sean Feit Oakes, PhD (he/him, queer, Puerto Rican & English ancestry, living on unceded Pomo land in NorCal), teaches Buddhism and somatic practice focusing on the integration of meditation, trauma resolution, and social justice. He received teaching authorization from Jack Kornfield, and wrote his dissertation on extraordinary states in Buddhist meditation and experimental dance. He teaches at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, East Bay Meditation Center, Insight Timer, and locally. See SeanFeitOakes.com [http://seanfeitoakes.com/] ______________  To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/ [https://gaybuddhist.org/] There you can:   *  Donate  *  Learn how to participate live  *  Find our schedule of upcoming speakers  *  Join our mailing list or discussion forum *  Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995 CREDITS Audio Production: George Hubbard Producer: Tom Bruein Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Community: The Crucial Ingredient for Awakening - Kevin Griffin

Exploring the Buddha's nine causes of spiritual and personal development, Kevin Griffin identifies one that is the foundation for all the others: community and spiritual friends. He notes that once a person has good friends, it can be expected that they will naturally become moral, hear the dharma, have energy, and become wise. But this presents a paradox: while noble friendships are described as the entirety of the holy life, the Buddha also warns that deep attachments can lead to suffering and grief. Drawing from his extensive background in 12-step recovery and the Dharma, Kevin argues that practitioners must find a middle way between isolation and codependency. Insight arises through the practice of being present with others so long as we maintain the wisdom to let go of clinging. The discussion concludes with a peer-led dialogue where participants reflect on balancing self-reliance with the need for compassionate, empathetic support systems. ______________  Kevin Griffin is a Buddhist teacher and author of 9 books known for his innovative work connecting dharma and recovery, especially through his 2004 book One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps. He has been a Buddhist practitioner since the 1980s and a teacher for three decades. He reaches a broad range of audiences in dharma centers, wellness centers, and secular mindfulness settings. Kevin's latest book is Living Kindness: Metta Practice for the Whole of Our Lives, published in 2022. To learn more and to see his teaching schedule, visit http://kevingriffin.net [http://kevingriffin.net] ______________  To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/ [https://gaybuddhist.org/] There you can:   *  Donate  *  Learn how to participate live  *  Find our schedule of upcoming speakers  *  Join our mailing list or discussion forum *  Enjoy over 900 recorded talks dating back to 1995 CREDITS Audio Production: George Hubbard Producer: Tom Bruein Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter