The Twelfth House

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit thetwelfthhouse.substack.com [https://thetwelfthhouse.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_7] 📚 Resources and Links: * 📩 Connect with host ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michelle Pellizzon-Lipsitz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/michellepellizzonlipsitz/?hl=en]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠team Holisticism⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/holisticism/?hl=en] * Sign up for the North Node waitlist here [https://michelle-509f.mykajabi.com/north-node-2024] ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ * Inquire about 1:1 work with Michelle here [https://www.notion.so/12fa2ea10eb780878280ef2acf269be2?pvs=21] * Holisticism Resources 4 u: * Ruthless Clarity [https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/ruthless] — an 8-week email course designed to help you achieve crystal-clear certainty about your goals, desires, and energy allocation * How to Begin: A Project Planning Class [https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/howtobegin] — a 90-m on-demand class that teaches you exactly how to sketch a effervescent project plan that'll fill you with glee and inspiration and instantly banish procrastination and overwhelm, so your brilliant ideas can finally come to life. * The Subconscious Audit [https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/subconsciousaudit] — an 11-day diagnostic framework that helps you identify what's holding you back and making you *feel* blocked. Because you're never actually blocked * The New Age Playbook for Spellbinding, Can’t-Stop-Reading Copy [https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/newage-playbook] — a 35-page downloadable workbook to take your writing from blah to bingeable This week we're diving deep into failure tolerance and going beyond the basic entrepreneurial "learn to handle rejection in sales!" version (though yes yes yes, obviously, send the scary email, make the ask, stop passive-aggressively hoping someone will discover your genius on Instagram). We're talking about practicing increasing failure tolerance from a more creative, esoteric perspective. And why-oh-why would we want to do that? Well, increasing your failure tolerance is a type of nervous system practice [https://open.substack.com/pub/thetwelfthhouse/p/tuning-your-nervous-system-increasing?r=e0s8c&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false]. It's not about becoming fearless or turning into some kind of risk-taking maniac. It's about expanding your capacity to hold discomfort, which literally makes you stickier to the things you want. When you can handle the sensation of uncertainty, rejection, looking foolish, or being misunderstood, you stop unconsciously sabotaging yourself. You stop repelling opportunities because you're afraid of what might happen if you actually get what you want. Because here's the thing: If you say you want to have $100k in your bank account, but your nervous system can't handle seeing $10k in your portfolio without completely freaking out, guess what you're going to unconsciously do everything in your power to avoid? Exactly. This is somatic work disguised as creative practice. Every time you stretch your tolerance for the uncomfortable, you're teaching your nervous system that these sensations aren't actually life-threatening. That you can survive looking stupid. That failure isn't death — it's just information, it's just a turn, it's just another step in the ongoing experiment of being human. With that, I wanted to give you some practical ways to flex your failure tolerance in ways that extend beyond traditional business. So, let’s get to it!

📚 Resources and Links: * 📩 Connect with host ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michelle Pellizzon-Lipsitz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/michellepellizzonlipsitz/?hl=en]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠team Holisticism⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/holisticism/?hl=en] * Sign up for the North Node waitlist here [https://michelle-509f.mykajabi.com/north-node-2024] ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ * Inquire about 1:1 work with Michelle here [https://www.notion.so/12fa2ea10eb780878280ef2acf269be2?pvs=21] * Holisticism Resources 4 u: * Ruthless Clarity [https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/ruthless] — an 8-week email course designed to help you achieve crystal-clear certainty about your goals, desires, and energy allocation * How to Begin: A Project Planning Class [https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/howtobegin] — a 90-m on-demand class that teaches you exactly how to sketch a effervescent project plan that'll fill you with glee and inspiration and instantly banish procrastination and overwhelm, so your brilliant ideas can finally come to life. * The Subconscious Audit [https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/subconsciousaudit] — an 11-day diagnostic framework that helps you identify what's holding you back and making you *feel* blocked. Because you're never actually blocked * The New Age Playbook for Spellbinding, Can’t-Stop-Reading Copy [https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/newage-playbook] — a 35-page downloadable workbook to take your writing from blah to bingeable In this episode of The Twelfth House, I'm diving into the somatic elements of failure tolerance — what it is, why it matters, and how increasing your capacity to withstand discomfort can make you wildly more magnetic. (You can read about the whole failure tolerance series here [https://open.substack.com/pub/thetwelfthhouse/p/failure-tolerance-as-a-magnetic-practice?r=e0s8c&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false]) When we're confronted with potential failure or rejection, most of us go into full-on panic mode. Our bodies literally think we're about to D-I-E. This leads to failure aversion, which might be keeping you stuck in a life that feels... fine, but not particularly exciting. What is failure tolerance? Failure tolerance [https://open.substack.com/pub/thetwelfthhouse/p/failure-tolerance-vs-failure-aversion?r=e0s8c&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false] is simply the capacity to withstand and recover from perceived rejection or failure. It's not about eliminating fear (which honestly feels impossible for my scaredy-cat self) — it's about sitting with the discomfort of "this might not work" and surviving it. When we look at failure tolerance, we can identify three different states that you might find yourself in: * The Bravery Myth State: When you think failure tolerance means faking courage until you feel it. This approach might work for some people, but for many of us (hi!), it creates even MORE anxiety and nervous system dysregulation. * The Hyper-Safety State: When you've designed your entire life around avoiding failure. You stick to familiar routines, places, people, and work. Everything is safe, streamlined, and... a little bit boring. It’s also easy to fall into this relationship with failure tolerance when you’ve been designing for stability in your life. * The Magnetic State: When you can acknowledge your fears while expanding your capacity to withstand discomfort. You don't need to be brave — you just need to be able to survive the feeling of potential failure. Signs your failure tolerance needs attention: * You feel "fine" but not excited about your life or business * You find yourself feeling mysteriously “stuck” or “blocked” — you know I don’t believe you’re ever blocked, but you know what I’m saying — even though things seem to be running perfectly well in your life otherwise * Your offerings haven't changed in ages because "they work" (but do they really work?) * You find yourself ordering the same food, going to the same places, hanging with the same people, in excess * You dismiss ideas as "impossible" before even exploring them * You catch yourself thinking "I can't ask for that" more than "I wonder if I could get that" The nervous system of it all When we face potential failure, our nervous system kicks into sympathetic mode (fight/flight/freeze). In this state: * Your attention narrows (literally — your vision constricts) * Your body gets rigid * Your cortisol and adrenaline spike * Your creativity, adaptability, and fine motor learning shut down completely. Boo! Hiss! But in parasympathetic mode: * Your prefrontal cortex activates, boosting learning and planning * Your movements become more fluid and flexible * Your brain forms new connections more easily * Your creativity and intuition flow See the problem? When we're failure-averse, we're physiologically cutting ourselves off from the very creativity we need to evolve. It's like trying to brainstorm innovative ideas while a tiger is chasing you. NOT HAPPENING. The Fettuccine Alfredo Test Here's my absurdly specific but clarifying example. You're at Ruby's Diner. What you really want is fettuccine Alfredo with peas. If you're failure-averse, your thought process is: "They don't have that here. I guess I'll order something I don't really want." If you're failure-tolerant, you might: * Ask if they can make it anyway? * Suggest going to a different restaurant? * See if you can order it for delivery while everyone else eats Ruby's? * Propose meeting at home later with everyone's preferred food? The failure-averse person never considers these options because they've decided only the menu in front of them exists. (This extends WAY beyond pasta, promise.) Practical ways to increase your failure tolerance: * Move sloooooowly. When you feel that fear response kicking in, pause. Notice the physical sensations. "My shoulders are up to my ears. My stomach is dropping. My toes are clenched." * Name your thoughts. "I'm having the thought that I'll be rejected." Not "I'll be rejected," but "I'm having the thought that I'll be rejected." This creates a tiny but crucial space between you and the fear. * Stay with the discomfort a bit longer. Your body believes you'll die if this feeling continues. By staying with it for 30 seconds, a minute, two minutes, you're showing your nervous system: "See? Still alive." * Expand your awareness. Release your shoulders and jaw. Take a breath. Let your peripheral vision open up. This signals to your body that you're not in immediate danger. Remember: Your failure tolerance will fluctuate. It's not a linear progression from "scaredy cat" to "fearless warrior." (Thank god, because I'd fail that test immediately.) Some days you'll feel braver than others based on your overall sense of safety, health, and what else is happening in your life. The most fascinating paradox? Many of us are most failure-tolerant when we hit an energetic void, because we literally have less to lose. As we become more successful, we often become MORE failure-averse. We have more to protect. More to lose. The stakes feel higher. The magnetism superpower When you increase your failure tolerance, you energy becomes contagious and uber attractive. Not because you're fearless, but because you're willing to exist alongside your fear without being totally controlled by it. People who are highly failure-tolerant have that quality where everyone turns when they enter a room. Not because they're loud or conventionally charismatic, but because there's a gravitational pull to their energy. They're so purely themselves that you can't help but be drawn in. Think about it: what's more magnetic than someone who can handle hearing "no" without crumbling? Who can ask for what they really want? Who can explore possibilities that others dismiss as impossible? Your homework (if you choose to accept it): * Notice one place where you're being failure-averse today * Practice the "slow down" technique when you feel that fear rising * Ask for ONE thing you've been avoiding asking for (start small!) * Track your physical responses to potential rejection And if you want to dive deeper into failure tolerance, join us in The North Node [https://michelle-509f.mykajabi.com/north-node-2024], our private membership community, where we've been running the Failure Tolerance Challenge for four years with WILD results. Members have launched businesses, created products, written books, gone on life-changing dates — all by increasing their capacity to withstand the discomfort of potential failure. Want more? Check out our paid subscriber episode where KP and I share our "found objects" for failure tolerance — all the inspirations that sparked this series. We even talk about our own failure tolerance journeys and how we've personally used these techniques. Oh, and tell me in the comments: What's your relationship with failure tolerance? On a scale from 1 to 10 — 1 being most failure averse, 10 being most failure tolerant — where do you land? Liked this?You’ll love Holisticism [http://holisticism.com/] and our podcast The Twelfth House.Want to learn more about intuitive business and creator-ship?Sign up for the North Node waitlist here [https://michelle-509f.mykajabi.com/north-node-2024].Into my persnickety personality and strategic perspective?Inquire about 1:1 advising with me here [https://www.notion.so/12fa2ea10eb780878280ef2acf269be2?pvs=21]. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thetwelfthhouse.substack.com/subscribe [https://thetwelfthhouse.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit thetwelfthhouse.substack.com [https://thetwelfthhouse.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_7] We’re celebrating a subscriber milestone at The Twelfth House and want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you gorgeous people for supporting this publication. We’ll randomly select five Twelfth House+ subscribers who open this email to enjoy your choice of either a 30-m 1:1 Matrix of Destiny reading or a 30-m 1:1 Intuitive Business Strategy session. Just by opening this email you’re entered to win :) Found Objects Welcome to Found Objects, where we give you a behind-the-scenes look at what we’re thinking about, reading, making, and what's floating around in the hivemind and changing how we see the world. These are the building blocks — some directly, some indirectly — that contribute to what we’re focusing on for the next six weeks. This is the second post in a six-week series on Failure Tolerance as a Magnetic Practice [https://open.substack.com/pub/thetwelfthhouse/p/failure-tolerance-as-a-magnetic-practice?r=e0s8c&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true]. If you want access to the full curriculum for this series, subscribe to The Twelfth House.

In this episode of The Twelfth House, we’re exploring our concept of Void States [https://thetwelfthhouse.substack.com/p/a-tour-through-the-void-states?r=e0s8c] and how running experiments can help you break free from feeling stuck, uninspired, or overwhelmed. There are three different void states that we might experience when wondering "what the hell should I do next?": * The Uninspired State: Where you don't know enough about yourself or the world to know what you want to do next. This state can benefit from tools like subconscious audits, meaning-making systems like astrology and human design, and shadow work. * The Burnt Out and Overwhelmed State: When you've put in effort but aren't getting recognition or satisfaction in return, leading to burnout and a lack of clarity on next steps. * The Overwhelmed By Possibility State: When you have too many options and ideas but don't know where to start, experiencing analysis paralysis and fear of making the wrong choice. These void states are natural parts of life's cycles — we’ll all go through all of them many times throughout our lives. But that doesn’t make a Void State, like, a super fun time. Anyway, running experiments in your life or business — essentially creating pattern interruptions that introduce new stimuli and change the way you experience your environment — can absolutely be a tool to getting you unstuck if you’re having a hard time getting out of a void state. Experiments aren't about success or failure, but about introducing new information into your system to help you get unstuck and see the world differently. Signs you're ready for an experiment: * Feeling bored/stuck/overwhelmed * The outcomes you're getting feel like a season of Real Housewives that should've ended three episodes ago * You catch yourself saying "I should..." more than "I want..." (giving very much corporate girlboss energy when you're trying to be intuitive business queen) I share my personal approach to experiments and how to reassess when the experiment starts to feel oppressive (boooo) rather than illuminating (yaaaaay). Some experiments that you can try for yourself: * Sell something in your business every day for 30 days * Change how you present yourself daily for a month * Do something surprising or uncomfortable daily * Test your failure tolerance by putting yourself in the position to get rejected on the daily. Oh, and we just opened the doors to "Ruthless Clarity," an eight-week email course designed to help people clear overwhelm and get clarity on their motivations, priorities, and internal compass. You can learn more here — we start on May 11th! [https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/ruthless] https://holisticism.myflodesk.com/ruthless 📚 Resources and Links: * 📩 Connect with host ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michelle Pellizzon-Lipsitz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/michellepellizzonlipsitz/?hl=en]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠team Holisticism⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/holisticism/?hl=en] * Sign up for the North Node waitlist here [https://michelle-509f.mykajabi.com/north-node-2024] ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ * Inquire about 1:1 work with Michelle here [https://holisticismco.typeform.com/to/aMWr5UFr] This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thetwelfthhouse.substack.com/subscribe [https://thetwelfthhouse.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]

📚 Resources and Links: * 📩 Connect with host ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Michelle Pellizzon-Lipsitz⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/michellepellizzonlipsitz/?hl=en]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠team Holisticism⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/holisticism/?hl=en] * Sign up for the North Node waitlist here [https://michelle-509f.mykajabi.com/north-node-2024] ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ * Inquire about 1:1 work with Michelle here [https://www.notion.so/12fa2ea10eb780878280ef2acf269be2?pvs=21] This week I'm diving into that frustrating feeling we all know too well: doing, honestly, way too much while getting absolutely nowhere. (Cue that Great British Bake Off meme of the woman frantically running around the kitchen accomplishing precisely nothing.) I explore the concept of "ruthless clarity" — that magical state where you actually know what you're doing and why — versus what I call "chicken without a head syndrome" where you're making reels! Guest starring on podcasts! Starting seventeen newsletters! And still feeling like you're treading water. You'll hear about Mozart's creative process (yes, really), the difference between panic-driven busy work and following what I call "cosmic doorknobs" — those delicious breadcrumb trails the universe leaves for you when you're quiet enough to notice them. I also take an unexpected side road into my habit of blocking annoying influencers (life's too short lol), and why forcing all your interests to fit under your "personal brand" is the fastest way to suffocate your actual genius. Whether you're currently drowning in shiny object syndrome or just wondering why your fifteen simultaneous projects aren't yielding results, this episode offers a witchy middle path: do less, but with ruthless clarity. Thoughts on your own cosmic doorknobs? Drop them in the comments! The Twelfth House is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thetwelfthhouse.substack.com/subscribe [https://thetwelfthhouse.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_2]