Being Different Together

#22 - Intentionality, Part 7: Take the Hard Things Easy

In this episode of Being Different Together, Kelly and Nyssa continue their intentionality mini-series by unpacking another Murray Landsman saying: “Take the hard things easy.”  They explore how unconscious beliefs about suffering shape our identity—through stories like an anesthesiologist-turned-donut-shop-worker, navigating home renovations, and walking through grief in ways that don’t match other people’s expectations. Along the way, they weave in Zen and Buddhist teachings, the “strong back, soft front” practice, the body’s stress responses (hello, tight psoas and low back pain), and how vulnerability and courage can transform difficult conversations and life transitions.  If you’ve ever wondered how to meet hard things without hardening yourself—whether it’s loss, conflict, or everyday stress—this episode offers practical, compassionate insights for approaching life with more ease and intention. Main Topics Covered: * How much of our suffering is actually required—and how much is a secret performance tied to identity? * The anesthesiologist who “lost everything” and found unexpected relief working at a donut shop. * What happens when your grief doesn’t look like what other people expect (and why that can be unsettling for them). * The surprising connection between low back pain, tight bellies, the psoas muscle, and feeling emotionally under threat. * “Strong back, soft front”: a Zen-inspired way to meet hard things without hardening yourself. * How Western individualism and Eastern contemplative traditions offer very different stories about who we are. * Turning stressful life events—like home renovations and family decluttering—into chances to practice taking the hard things easy. * The subtle ways we can get “inflated” around our suffering and slip into martyr mode without realizing it. * Why vulnerability always comes with that inner quiver—and how courage depends on letting it be there. Links: * Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This Moment [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep16] * Episode #17 - Intentionality, Part 2: Feeling Good Needs No Excuse [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep17] * Episode #18 - Intentionality, Part 3: If You Think You Can Change the World, You Have a Better Chance [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep18] * Episode #19 - Intentionality, Part 4: Your Reality is as Good as Anyone Else’s [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep19] * Episode #20 - Intentionality, Part 5: It’s Useful to View the Past in a Friendly Way [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep20] * Episode #21 - Intentionality, Part 6: There’s More Than Two Ways to Skin a Cat [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep21] Newsletter Sign Up: * Going Upward Newsletter – Get Nyssa’s email newsletter here [https://nyssa-hanger.kit.com/profile?_gl=1*1igr51m*_gcl_au*NTUxMTcxODg4LjE3NzYwOTIyOTkuNjE3OTkwNjQzLjE3Nzc5MDMwNDMuMTc3NzkwMzA0Mg..] Stay in Touch: Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com [http://www.nyssahanger.com/] | IG: @nyssahanger Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me [http://www.kellybrady.me/] | IG: @drkellybrady

#21 - Intentionality, Part 6: There’s More Than Two Ways to Skin a Cat

In this episode of Being Different Together, Kelly and Nyssa continue their intentionality mini-series with two Murray Landsman sayings: “Doing it does it” and “There’s more than two ways to skin a cat.”  They unpack how taking imperfect action creates clarity, how to move through overthinking and perfectionism, and why there’s never just one “right” way to build a life, business, or relationship.  If you struggle with procrastination, fear of doing it wrong, or waiting to feel ready before you start, this conversation offers practical, compassionate guidance for showing up more intentionally and creatively in your everyday life. Main Topics Covered: * How “Doing it does it” can break you out of overthinking and get you into real-life momentum * The surprising link between intentionality and how you actually show up in your relationships, work, and daily life * Why clarity comes from engagement, not thought—and what that means for dating, business, and big life changes * How perfectionism disguises itself as “planning” and “strategy” (and keeps you safely stuck) * The coaching question Nyssa uses to unlock action: “What’s the smallest viable step?” * What Murray meant by “There’s more than two ways to skin a cat”—and how it challenges rigid social rules * The connection between creativity, anti‑perfectionism, and emotional regulation (including Virginia Satir’s “10 solutions” idea) * Why chronic stress and fight‑or‑flight shut down creativity—and how to find more options when you feel boxed in * Real-life examples: podcasting with barking dogs, tired brains, and takeout dinners… and choosing to do it anyway Links: * Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This Moment [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep16] * Episode #17 - Intentionality, Part 2: Feeling Good Needs No Excuse [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep17] * Episode #18 - Intentionality, Part 3: If You Think You Can Change the World, You Have a Better Chance [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep18] * Episode #19 - Intentionality, Part 4: Your Reality is as Good as Anyone Else’s [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep19] * Episode #20 - Intentionality, Part 5: It’s Useful to View the Past in a Friendly Way [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep20] Newsletter Sign Up: * Going Upward Newsletter – Get Nyssa’s email newsletter here [https://nyssa-hanger.kit.com/profile?_gl=1*1igr51m*_gcl_au*NTUxMTcxODg4LjE3NzYwOTIyOTkuNjE3OTkwNjQzLjE3Nzc5MDMwNDMuMTc3NzkwMzA0Mg..] Stay in Touch: Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com [http://www.nyssahanger.com/] | IG: @nyssahanger Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me [http://www.kellybrady.me/] | IG: @drkellybrady

#20 - Intentionality, Part 5: It’s Useful to View the Past in a Friendly Way

In this episode of Being Different Together, Kelly and Nyssa continue their intentionality mini-series by unpacking another Murray Landsman saying: “It is useful to view the past in a friendly way.” They explore what it really means to make peace with your past, including how to work with regret, grief, and painful memories without spiritually bypassing or pretending everything was “meant to be.” Through stories of a woman dancing on the beach to honor friends who died, family history at Cocoa Beach, and a powerful dream about everything in life being a gift wrapped in challenges, they show how intentionality and self-awareness can shift how you relate to what’s already happened. They also touch on the unconscious mind, Zen teachings on regret, and our cultural obsession with self‑improvement—why it’s so tempting to replay the past, and how to learn from your history without living in the rearview mirror.  If you’ve ever wondered how to let go of regret, be kinder to your past self, or hold grief and loss without getting stuck there, this conversation is for you. Main Topics Covered: * How the simple phrase “It is useful to view the past in a friendly way” can completely change your relationship with regret and memory * The story of a woman dancing at sunrise on the beach to honor friends who died—and what it teaches about grief * Why humans are 95–99% unconscious (according to some neuropsychologists) and what that means for how we judge ourselves and others * The difference between being actually cruel and just being unconscious and automatic in our behavior * How to tell the difference between genuinely learning from the past and just replaying it in your mental rearview mirror * Why trying to be “less human” (through self‑improvement, perfectionism, or avoiding aging and death) actually increases suffering * What Zen teachings suggest about regret, karma, and the idea that things couldn’t have happened any other way * A powerful dream message that “everything in life is a gift—and the really good gifts come wrapped in challenges” * Practical ways to be friendlier to your past self without bypassing pain or pretending everything is “for the best” * How seeing your past more kindly can open up more compassion, freedom, and joy in the present Links: * Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This Moment [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep16] * Episode #17 - Intentionality, Part 2: Feeling Good Needs No Excuse [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep17] * Episode #18 - Intentionality, Part 3: If You Think You Can Change the World, You Have a Better Chance [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep18] * Episode #19 - Intentionality, Part 4: Your Reality is as Good as Anyone Else’s [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep19] Books: * The Four Tendencies [https://bookshop.org/a/119981/9781524760915] by Gretchen Rubin Stay in Touch: Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com [http://www.nyssahanger.com/] | IG: @nyssahanger Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me [http://www.kellybrady.me/] | IG: @drkellybrady

#19 - Intentionality, Part 4: Your Reality is as Good as Anyone Else’s

In this episode of Being Different Together, Kelly and Nyssa continue their intentionality mini-series by unpacking two powerful Murray Landsman sayings: “Be nice to yourself” and “Your reality is as good as anybody else’s.”  They explore how negative self-talk, shame, and “autoimmune emotions” can impact your mental and physical health, and what it really means to be kinder to yourself without slipping into avoidance or indulgence.  They also dive into subjective reality in relationships—why so many arguments become battles over “who’s right,” how to handle conflict and hard conversations, and how tools like real dialogue and paraphrasing can lower emotional threat and help you truly understand someone you disagree with (about anything from daily annoyances to politics and the pandemic).  If you’ve ever wondered how to stop being mean to yourself, communicate more intentionally, or stay connected when realities collide, this conversation is for you. Main Topics Covered: * How “be nice to yourself” can quietly transform harsh inner criticism and negative self-talk * Why being mean to yourself is like having an “autoimmune emotional problem” * The surprising difference between mindfulness and intentionality (and why it matters) * Everyday examples of choosing how you want to show up vs. living on autopilot * What “your reality is as good as anybody else’s” really means in relationships * How fights turn into battles over “who wins reality” (and how to step out of that trap) * The hidden emotional threat behind “How could you believe that?” in political and pandemic debates * A simple real dialog tool—paraphrasing—that can instantly cool down conflict * Ways subjectivity and curiosity can create a bridge between very different worldviews Links: * Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This Moment [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep16] * Episode #17 - Intentionality, Part 2: Feeling Good Needs No Excuse [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep17] * Episode #18 - Intentionality, Part 3: If You Think You Can Change the World, You Have a Better Chance [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep18] * The Power of Connection TED talk by Hedy Schleifer [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEaERAnIqsY] Stay in Touch: Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com [http://www.nyssahanger.com/] | IG: @nyssahanger Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me [http://www.kellybrady.me/] | IG: @drkellybrady

#18 - Intentionality, Part 3: If You Think You Can Change the World, You Have a Better Chance

In this third episode of our Intentionality series, Nyssa and Kelly return to Murry Landsman’s handwritten bathroom poster to explore one deceptively simple slogan: “If you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance.”  They unpack how this idea sits between toxic positivity and nihilism, framing it as “agency under constraint”—taking real responsibility for your participation in the world without pretending you can control everything. Along the way, they weave together stories of 90s eco‑kids trying to “save the planet,” Nyssa’s work helping clients heal through bodywork, Kelly’s reflections on Buddhism, karma, and projection, and why conflict is often the very thing that helps us evolve.  If you’ve ever wondered how to make a difference without burning out, stay hopeful without spiritual bypassing, and see “the whole world as medicine,” this conversation is for you. Main Topics Covered: * How one simple slogan—“If you think you can do something about the world, you have a better chance”—can change how you see your role in life. * The difference between toxic positivity, fantasy “manifestation,” and grounded, realistic hope. * What Kelly means by “agency under constraint” and how it helps you avoid both grandiosity and nihilism. * How 80s/90s “save the planet” messaging shaped Nyssa’s belief that her actions actually matter. * Why believing your work might help someone (in therapy, bodywork, or relationships) gives you a better chance that it will. * A playful dive into projective identification and how we unconsciously train people (and pets!) to act the way we expect. * The Buddhist idea that “the whole world is medicine” and what it means for everyday conflicts and challenges. * A wild pirate parable that reframes karma, intention, and “doing the least harm” in impossible situations. * How trying to change anything—yourself, a relationship, or the world—inevitably brings conflict, and why that’s often what helps us evolve. * Seeing intentionality as a uniquely human superpower in an age obsessed with AI, efficiency, and quick fixes. Links: * Episode #16 - Intentionality, Part 1: Everything You’ve Done Prepared You For This Moment [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep16] * Episode #17 - Intentionality, Part 2: Feeling Good Needs No Excuse [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep17] * Episode #11 - How to Get What You Want (Without Toxic Positivity or Wishful Thinking) [https://www.nyssahanger.com/podcast/ep11] Books: * Me, But Better [https://bookshop.org/a/119981/9781668012543] by Olga Khazan Stay in Touch: Nyssa Hanger: www.nyssahanger.com [http://www.nyssahanger.com/] | IG: @nyssahanger Kelly Brady: www.kellybrady.me [http://www.kellybrady.me/] | IG: @drkellybrady