EVOLVE with Dr. Tay: the podcast for parents of autistic kids

216 | can kids actually mask? understanding autism in high-masking children

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ SCROLL FOR RESOURCES) 👇 one reason autism can be missed in children is the belief that kids “can’t mask.” but they absolutely can. in this episode, dr. tay breaks down what masking can look like in autistic children, including why a child may seem “fine” at school but completely fall apart at home. you’ll learn how masking can be conscious or unconscious, how culture and reinforcement shape behavior, and why subtle signs matter so much during autism evaluations. this episode is especially helpful if you’ve ever wondered why your child seems so different across environments, or if you’ve been told their challenges must be “just behavioral” because they are not showing up everywhere. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR: * why autistic children can mask, even at young ages * how masking can contribute to delayed or missed autism diagnoses * why kids may hold it together all day and then melt down at home * the difference between conscious masking and subconscious masking * how reinforcement, modeling, and culture, can shape masking behaviors * why people pleasing and anxiety often plays a role in masking and self-advocacy * what evaluators need to understand when assessing high-masking children * how to create safer spaces for kids to unmask and build self-advocacy over time TIMESTAMPS 00:00 understanding masking in children 02:50 the cycle of masking and rebound effects 05:49 the nuances of masking: conscious vs. unconscious 09:05 cultural influences on masking behaviors 11:52 modeling and reinforcement in masking 15:01 people-pleasing traits and their impact 17:57 the role of anxiety in masking 20:47 evaluation challenges in high-masking individuals 23:52 subtle indicators of autism in masking 26:54 creating safe spaces for unmasking 29:47 empowering self-advocacy in autistic children RESOURCES ⚡️ autism traits guide [https://drtay.thrivecart.com/autism-traits-guide] — a $7 parent-friendly resource breaking down autism diagnostic criteria and sharing more in-depth traits, including those in high masking individuals ⚡️ high masking continuing education (CE) training [https://the-neurodiversity-university.teachable.com/courses/interpreting-autism-assessment?affcode=1040140_j73bfi9v] for clinicians ⚡️ learn more about diagnostic evaluations through dr. tay concierge clinical care [http://drtaylorday.com]

215 | parent therapy beyond talking: EMDR, IFS, ketamine, and intensive therapy with Dr. Carolyn Solo

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ SCROLL FOR RESOURCES) 👇 parents of autistic kids are often told, “you need your own support too.” but what happens when traditional talk therapy doesn’t feel like enough or a good fit? or hasn't historically worked? in this episode, dr. tay is joined by dr. carolyn solo, a therapist specializing in EMDR, IFS, ketamine-assisted psychotherapy, and intensive therapy models. together, they explore why parents of neurodivergent kids may carry more chronic stress and nervous system overwhelm than they realize, and why bottom-up therapy approaches can be so helpful. this conversation is not about “fixing” you as a parent. it’s about understanding how your nervous system has been carrying the weight of advocacy, hypervigilance, uncertainty, and caregiving, and what kinds of support may help you show up with more grounding, compassion, and capacity. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR: * why parents of neurodivergent kids may experience chronic stress and trauma symptoms * how supporting the parent can support the entire family system * what IFS is and why “all parts are welcome” fits so naturally with neurodiversity-affirming care * how EMDR helps process experiences that continue to activate the nervous system * why bottom-up therapies can be helpful when insight alone is not creating change * what ketamine-assisted psychotherapy is and how it may support deeper therapeutic work * how intensive therapy models can offer a different path for busy, overwhelmed parents * why noticing your child’s progress, not just their next goal, can be part of your own healing TIMESTAMPS 00:00 introduction to alternative therapies for parents of autistic kids 02:54 the journey of a therapist and parent 06:00 understanding trauma in parenting neurodivergent children 09:01 the importance of parental self-care 11:57 exploring internal family systems (IFS) therapy 17:53 the benefits of bottom-up therapies 22:50 understanding eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and its mechanism 29:09 exploring the intensive model of therapy 31:29 the role of ketamine in therapy 39:22 mindset shifts for parents of neurodiverse children RESOURCES ⚡️ connect with dr. carolyn solo + learn more about her therapy approach here [https://www.integritaswellnessllc.com/] plus follow on Instagram @integritas_wellness_recovery [https://www.instagram.com/integritas_wellness_recovery/#] ⚡️ learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach + clinical services [http://drtaylorday.com]

214 | what autism looks like in toddlers (and why it’s often missed)

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ SCROLL FOR RESOURCES) 👇 one of the biggest misconceptions parents hear is: “they’re too young to diagnose autism.” but research tells us something very different. in this episode, dr. tay breaks down what we actually know about early autism diagnosis, including how autism can present in toddlers, why early signs are often missed or explained away, and what parents should be paying attention to when something feels different. you’ll also learn why the phrase “wait and see” can sometimes do more harm than good and how to think about timing, evaluations, and support through a neurodiversity-affirming lens. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR: * why autism can be reliably diagnosed much earlier than many parents are told * how to recognize patterns that may point toward autism in toddlers * why “wait and see” advice can sometimes delay meaningful support * how an early diagnosis can shift understanding, accommodations, and access to services * what it looks like to advocate for your child when something feels different TIMESTAMPS 00:00 what age can autism actually be diagnosed? 07:22 why early diagnosis matters 12:26 “mindful waiting” vs. “wait and see” 20:03 access to supports and services 24:02 early autism signs in toddlers 34:10 trusting your instincts and advocating early RESOURCES ⚡️ autism traits guide [https://drtay.thrivecart.com/autism-traits-guide] — a $7 parent-friendly resource breaking down autism diagnostic criteria and sharing more in-depth traits ⚡️ nuanced discussions on ABA: episodes 26, 59, 128, and 131 ⚡️ learn more about diagnostic evaluations for young children through dr. tay concierge clinical care [http://drtaylorday.com] ⚡️study referenced in today's episode (Pierce et al., 2019 [https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2732144])

213 | "could I be autistic too?" what many parents realize after their child’s diagnosis

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ SCROLL FOR RESOURCES) 👇 for a lot of parents, the autism journey doesn’t stop with their child’s diagnosis. at some point… it starts to feel personal. you hear the questions during an evaluation, you start learning more about autism, and suddenly you’re thinking: “this sounds like me…” in this episode, dr. tay walks through what this process actually looks like — why it’s so common, why it can feel complicated, and how it can impact not just you, but your relationship and your entire family dynamic. because this isn’t just about understanding your child. it’s about understanding yourself and what that means for how you move forward. RESOURCES ⚡️ other episodes referenced in this episode: 180, 189, 208 ⚡️ autism traits guide [https://drtay.thrivecart.com/autism-traits-guide] — a resource to help you understand diagnostic criteria and recognize patterns across ages and presentations ⚡️ neurodiverse communication masterclass with Dr. Ali [https://drtay.thrivecart.com/same-team-masterclass/] — tools and strategies to support communication and connection in your relationship ⚡️ learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach + clinical services [http://drtaylorday.com], including booking a free consult call for our adult evaluations IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR: * why so many parents begin questioning their own neurotype after their child’s diagnosis * how this realization often unfolds (and why it doesn’t always happen right away) * the likelihood of parents being neurodivergent and why this matters * the grief that can come with realizing you weren’t supported or accommodated in the same way * how self-exploration can feel both clarifying and overwhelming * where to start if you’re exploring your own neurotype (including self-identification vs evaluation) * why understanding diagnostic criteria is key — not just relying on social media * why loved ones may resist or struggle to understand this process * how this shift can impact your relationship dynamic and communication * why many couples feel more disconnected during this stage and what’s actually happening underneath * the importance of understanding patterns in communication, not just surface-level conflict * how learning new communication tools can support your entire family system TIMESTAMPS 00:00 when the autism journey starts to feel personal 03:12 are parents of autistic kids more likely to be neurodivergent? 05:28 how parents begin exploring their own neurotype 09:25 should you consider an adult autism evaluation? 10:40 what happens when others don’t understand 16:00 why relationships can feel harder after a diagnosis 20:45 how to start improving communication as a couple

212 | is this autism? 6 questions parents search (and what actually matters)

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ SCROLL FOR RESOURCES) 👇 if you’ve ever found yourself googling late at night… “is this autism?” and somehow ended up more confused than when you started — you’re not alone. there’s a lot of information out there. and many time it doesn’t help you actually make sense of what you’re seeing in your child. in this episode, dr. tay breaks down the most common questions parents are searching and why those questions often lead to more confusion instead of clarity. you’ll learn how to move beyond one-off traits and start understanding the patterns that actually matter when it comes to autism so you can feel more confident in what you’re noticing and how to advocate for your child. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL HEAR: * why googling “is this autism?” often leads to more confusion (not clarity) * the difference between a developmental delay vs. autism and when to look deeper * how to think through “is this autism or something else?” (like ADHD, anxiety, or sensory differences) * why no single trait can confirm or rule out autism * how autism is identified through patterns, not isolated behaviors * what to consider when your child seems “fine at school” but struggles at home * how masking and environment can impact what others see (or don’t see) * why “wait and see” advice can sometimes delay needed support * how to trust your instincts, even when others aren’t concerned * how to better articulate what you’re seeing so providers actually listen TIMESTAMPS 00:00 introduction to common parental questions about autism 05:30 is this autism or just a delay? 08:02 is this autism or something else? 11:54 can my child be autistic and still do x, y, and z? 19:29 they’re fine at school, but not at home — could it still be autism? 23:04 doctors say to wait and see — should i? 27:24 am I overreacting or just anxious? RESOURCES FROM TODAY'S EPISODE ⚡️ autism traits guide [https://drtay.thrivecart.com/autism-traits-guide] — a $7 resource to help you understand diagnostic criteria, recognize patterns, and advocate with clarity KEEP LEARNING FROM DR. TAY ⚡️join EVOLVE the membership [http://drtaylorday.com/membership] and submit your questions for dr. tay to answer ⚡️learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach + clinical services [http://drtaylorday.com] ⚡️ follow on >> instagram → @the.dr.tay [https://instagram.com/the.dr.tay] tiktok → @the.dr.tay [https://www.tiktok.com/@the.dr.tay]