Fresh Out and Figuring it Out

The Long Game: Identity, Insecurity & Redefining Success

Episode 11: Stop Trying to Impress Everyone - Start Figuring Yourself Out In this deeply personal and powerful conversation, I sit down with my cousin Benjie—former pastor turned fishing content creator—to unpack identity, pressure, faith, failure, and what it really means to find yourself. Growing up in a Korean-American, faith-centered household, Benjie’s path seemed clearly defined. Religion, family, and community shaped his identity early on, ultimately leading him to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a pastor. But beneath doing what was expected, he shares the internal reality many young adults face—navigating insecurity, comparison, and the pressure to prove your worth. As the conversation unfolds, Benjie opens up about pivotal moments that challenged everything he thought he knew—from conflict within the church to personal struggles that forced him to rethink his identity and direction. Whatmakes this episode powerful is the honesty around those experiences—not as failures, but as necessary turning points. The conversation also highlights a non-traditional path—choosing family over career momentum, becoming a stay-at-home dad, and eventually rediscovering a passion for fishing that evolved into a growing content platform. But moreimportantly, it reflects a deeper transformation: moving from trying to prove himself to genuinely accepting who he is. At its core, this episode is about redefining success. It challenges the idea that fulfillment comes from achievements alone and instead emphasizes self-awareness, resilience, and playing the long game. Timestamps (00:00) Intro + Would You Rather (with a twist 😂) (02:00) Growing up Korean-American + family dynamics (06:00) Faith, identity, and becoming a pastor (17:00) Church trauma + pivotal moment with his father (24:00) Insecurity in your 20s (and why it’s normal) (32:00) Leaving ministry + starting over at 36 (34:00) Unexpected success at Sherwin-Williams (41:00) Walking away from a promotion to prioritize family (43:00) Becoming a stay-at-home dad + rediscovering fishing (49:00) Confidence, identity, and self-acceptance (58:00) Real talk: success, happiness, and the long game (1:04:00) What’s next + advice for young adults What You'll Hear * The hidden cost of chasing validation and external success * A raw look at faith, burnout, and deconstructing identity * Why your 20s feel like a constant “prove yourself” phase * How failure, pain, and discomfort can become your biggest teachers * The mindset shift that changed everything: from proving → to being * Why doing what you love isn’t a straight path—and that’s okay Key Takeaways * You are not your accomplishments. Success built on insecurity will never feel like enough. * Your 20s are messy by design. You’re not behind—you’re in it. * Confidence on the outside ≠ confidence on the inside. Both matter, but they’re built differently. * Stop chasing outcomes—focus on who you’re becoming. The results follow. * Pain is a teacher (if you let it be). Growth comes from how you respond, not what happens. * There is no perfect job. You build meaning—you don’t find it. * It’s a long game. You don’t need it all figured out right now. Who This Episode is For * Young adults feeling lost, behind, or unsure of their path * Anyone questioning their career, identity, or definition of success * High achievers who look “fine” on the outside but feel uncertain inside * People navigating pressure from family, culture, or expectations I would love to hear your thoughts and comments and share this podcast with your friends so that we can figure it out together! Follow me so we can stay connected! https://www.instagram.com/freshoutpodcast/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/] https://www.tiktok.com/@marychoikellyphd ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.mckleadership.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.mckleadership.com/] ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/]

The Social Media Lie: Success, Identity & Starting Over

Episode 10: I Left Everyone to ‘Succeed’—Here’s What It Cost Me In this episode, Sean Stewart shares the story so many young adults are living—but few are saying out loud. From a creative, connected high school life to total isolation in college, Sean fell into the trap of hustle culture, comparison, and social media pressure during COVID. What started as ambition turned into anxiety, disconnection, and a deep belief that he was “behind.” But this isn’t a story about failure—it’s about awareness, rebuilding, and redefining success on your own terms. If you’ve ever felt like you’re running out of time, not doing enough, or questioning your path… this episode will hit. Timestamps(00:00:00) Introduction to Sean Stewart (00:02:54) The Skateboarding Culture (00:10:15) High School Experiences and Perfect Attendance (00:16:27) Transitioning to College During COVID (00:23:13) The Impact of Social Media on Mental Health (00:25:47) The Disconnect Between Social Media and Reality (00:29:02) The Curse of Ambition and Its Consequences (00:34:20) Reconnecting with Friends and Finding Balance (00:42:06) The Turning Point: Seeking Help and Therapy (00:50:47) Building Meaningful Relationships and Moving Forward (00:52:11) Reconnecting with Hobbies and Creativity (00:53:29) Entrepreneurial Journey in Real Estate Marketing (00:54:13) Writing 'Buyers on Demand' for Realtors (00:55:16) Navigating a Healthy Relationship with Social Media (00:57:33) Lessons Learned and Advice for Young Adults (00:59:08) Challenging Societal Norms for Young Men (01:00:05) Evolving Definitions of Success (01:03:47) The Importance of Asking 'Why?' (01:16:42) Introduction to Leadership and Action (01:16:43) Building a Community of Leaders What You'll Hear * How social media can quietly reshape your identity and self-worth * The hidden downside of hustle culture and “success content” * Why cutting people off doesn’t equal growth * What isolation actually does to your mental health * The turning point: therapy, reconnection, and asking why * How to rebuild your life when you feel completely off track * A healthier way to think about ambition, masculinity, and success Key Takeaways * Social media is not reality - What you’re seeing is the highlight reel of the exception—not the rule. * You are not behind - There is no universal timeline. The pressure is manufactured. * Ambition without balance can become self-destruction - Drive is powerful—but not when it costs your relationships and mental health. * Isolation is not the price of success - Connection is actually one of the strongest predictors of long-term happiness. * Ask “why” more often - If a belief doesn’t hold up under questioning, it probably isn’t yours. * Success is personal—and it evolves - Your definition today won’t be your definition tomorrow. That’s normal. Who This Episode Is For * Young adults feeling lost, behind, or overwhelmed * Anyone comparing their life to what they see online * Ambitious individuals caught in hustle culture * College students navigating identity and pressure * Young men questioning expectations around success or masculinity * Parents or mentors wanting to better understand Gen Z experiences I would love to hear your thoughts and comments and share this podcast with your friends so that we can figure it out together! Follow me so we can stay connected! https://www.instagram.com/freshoutpodcast/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/] https://www.tiktok.com/@marychoikellyphd ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.mckleadership.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.mckleadership.com/] ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/]

Memoir-Worthy vs. Scroll-Worthy: Building a Life You'd Actually Want to Live

Episode 9: Evan Gold: Winning, Pressure, and Becoming Your Own Person In this episode, I sit down with Evan Gold—Cal Berkeley men’s varsity rower and junior—to unpackwhat it’s like growing up inside a high-achievement bubble, learning to define success for yourself, and building a “real” network in a world that tells you to rack up LinkedIn connections. Evan shares how pressure in Palo Alto shaped his mindset, why choosing Cal was a step toward becoming his own person, and how mentorship + community (especially through sports) can be a protective force for young adults. The episode also tackles screen-time culture, why many young people don’t actually like being on their phones, and what supporting young men can look like when we stop reducing them to metrics. Timestamps (00:00:00) Introduction (00:01:08) Would You Rather (00:04:00) Evan Gold (00:04:38) The "Palo Alto Pressure" – Parental pressure, bubble cultures, and youth mental health (00:12:15) The Mentorship Gap for Young Men (00:15:15) Choosing Cal over Stanford (00:23:50) Choosing a college major (00:26:13) Learning How to Network – Evan shares his big take aways from a “failed” networking call with Mary (00:41:19) Looking forward – How Evan has been talking to people in pursuit of future endeavors (00:47:48) Books (Barbarian Days), Leading a memoir worth life, Social Media (00:52:37) Evan and Conor’s Social Media Challenge (00:54:43) Dispelling the "Screenager" Stereotype (00:57:08) Redefining Masculinity (00:59:30) What does supporting young men look like? Key Takeaways * Pressure doesn’t always look like “bad parenting.” Even “hands-off” support can still carryinvisible expectations—and young adults often feel responsible for meetingthem. * Your first network is closer than you think. Coaches, parents’ friends, alumni databases,and “friends of friends” beat cold applications when you’re early in yourjourney. * Networking is human, not transactional. People usually want to help—and youdon’t need a “trade” to earn a conversation. The value is the relationship. * Career paths aren’t linear after school. The structure you’re used to disappearsafter college; the skill becomes making the next best decision, not the“perfect forever” one. * Gen Z doesn’t necessarily love screens. Many feel trapped by them and want more realconnection—but need support to build it. * A healthier model of masculinity = mentorship + connection. Strength isn’t “being better than someone,” it’s being grounded enough to help others rise too. * Stop quantifying young men. Height, money, status—those metrics flatten a whole person. The realstory is who they are and how they grow. Who This Episode is For * Young adults who feel stuck in comparison, pressure, or “the path you’resupposed to take” * Student-athletes (and high performers) trying to figure out identitybeyond achievement * Anyone overwhelmed by career options and tired of “apply online andpray” advice * Parents, coaches, and mentors who want to support young men in a waythat actually helps * Listeners who want a more honest conversation about masculinity,connection, and confidence—without stereotypes I would love to hear your thoughts and comments and share this podcast with your friends so that wecan figure it out together! Follow me so we can stay connected! https://www.instagram.com/freshoutpodcast/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/] https://www.tiktok.com/@marychoikellyphd ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.mckleadership.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.mckleadership.com/] ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/] ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/marychoikelly/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/marychoikelly/]

From 30 Moves to Version 3.0: Reinventing Work, Home, and Self with Stan Prehu

Episode 8: Rethinking Success and Meaning in Your 20s In this full-circle conversation, I sit down with Stan Prehu—a Franco-Croatian third-culture kid I first met as a baby in France—who’s moved nearly 30 times and learned to build confidence and community wherever he lands. Stan walks us through the honest version of early adulthood: chasing a “glossy” consulting role in the UK, getting laid off during COVID, and using that forced pause as a reset to choose growth over grind. He relocates to Poland, plays rugby with coal miners, throws himself into humanitarian work when the war in Ukraine begins, and rebuilds a life from the inside out—eventually finding his lane in AI at Amazon. We talk about how five-year plans can box you in, and the mindset that turns a brand-new city into home: show up where your interests live, act like a local, put your phone down, and keep returning until the room becomes yours. Stan gets real about comparison, self-doubt, and the moment he stopped living for external validation. We also touch on relationships: why checklists don’t make you “ready,” but self-respect does, and how finding the right partner quiets the noisy inner critic. This is a story about choosing yourself without losing your humility, measuring compensation in learning, mobility, and alignment (not just salary), and paying it forward to thepeople who lifted you. If you’re stuck in a job that looks good but feels wrong, navigating a new city, or figuring out who you want to be in your 20s, this episode gives you a practical, humane playbook—rooted in courage, community, and heart. 00:00 Introduction to a Third Culture Kid's Journey 04:50 The Experience of a Third Culture Kid 08:08 Adapting Through Education and Travel 13:08 Navigating Career Paths and Expectations 19:48 The Impact of COVID on Career Decisions 27:40 Finding Personal Fulfillment and Growth 28:33 The Impact of COVID-19 on Career Choices 32:32 Finding Clarity Through New Experiences 36:50 Key Takeaways from Life's Challenges 39:15 Advice for Those Feeling Stuck 43:56 Navigating New Environments and Building Connections 46:35 Embracing Change and Personal Growth 49:22 Redefining Relationships and Expectations 52:40 Introduction to a Third Culture Kid's Journey 52:40 The Impact of COVID-19 on Career Choices 52:40 The Journey of Self-Discovery 52:40 Building Connections in New Environments 52:46 Understanding Masculinity and Support 56:27 Redefining Success and Career Goals 01:02:25 Mental Health and Support for Young Men 01:05:03 Introduction to Leadership and Action 01:05:04 Building a Community of Leaders Key Takeaways * Choose confidence over do-overs. * Your path isn’t linear—and that’s a feature. * A forced pause can be a gift. * Build a life, not just a résumé. * Hardship happens, and you owe yourself the happiness you deserve. * Humility changes the story. * Relationships start with you. * Community is legacy. Who This Is For * Young adults navigating early-career choices, uncertainty, or a pivot * Third-culture kids/expats learning to belong everywhere (and not lose themselves) * Recent grads & job seekers who need practical, human advice after a layoff or “wrong fit” role * Young men (and those who love them) looking for healthier models of confidence, connection, and support * Parents, mentors, and coaches who want language and tools to walk with young adults—without steering for them I would love to hear your thoughts and comments and share this podcast with your friends so that we can figure it out together! Follow me so we can stay connected! https://www.instagram.com/freshoutpodcast/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/] https://www.tiktok.com/@marychoikellyphd ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.mckleadership.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.mckleadership.com/] ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/] ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/marychoikelly/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/marychoikelly/]

You’re Not Your Label: Vaughn Vogel on Being More Than One Thing

Episode 7: Coming Out Isn’t a Moment — It’s a Process What happens after you finally say the words out loud? In this powerful episode of Fresh Out and FiguringIt Out, Vaughn Vogel (University of Miami senior) opens up about his coming out journey — and the parts people don’t always talk about: the pressure to “do it perfectly,” the fear of risking important relationships, and the identity whiplash that can follow when you’re trying to figure out who you are now that you’re free to be yourself. Vaughn shares how a supportive school environment helped him feel safe… but also how rejection right after coming out triggered a spiral around body image, control, and confidence. The turning point? A mom who noticed the cues, pushed resources with love, and helped him rebuild from the inside out. This conversation is honest, emotional, and deeply hopeful — especially for anyone navigating identity, self-worth, or the pressure to have life “figured out.” 00:00 Introduction and Choices in Relationships 02:41 Academic Journey and College Life 06:53 Growing Up in Newport Beach 09:28 High School Experience and Coming Out 13:24 Navigating Identity and Acceptance 17:59 The Coming Out Process 28:10 Post Coming Out Challenges and Growth 31:40 Navigating Rejection and Self-Discovery 35:34 The Journey of Coming Out 39:11 Exploring Identity and Masculinity 41:49 The Importance of Evolving Identity 45:47 Seeking Help and Support 47:19 Career Aspirations and Internships 54:01 Understanding Young Men's Challenges 57:05 Expectations and Realities for Young Men 01:00:31 Changing the Narrative for Men 01:01:23 Introduction to Leadership and Action 01:01:24 Building a Community of Leaders What You’ll Hear * A real, step-by-step look at coming out — including the fear, planning, and relief * Why “you never stop coming out” (and what that actually means) * How rejection can turn into control patterns (and how to interrupt them) * The pressure of stereotypes: “Do I have to act a certain way to belong?” * The power of mentors, counselors, and one safe person to talk to * Why young men often delay asking for help — and how to change that * Career clarity for Gen Z: internships, experimentation, and choosing what fits Key Takeaways * Coming out isn’t a finish line — it’s the beginning of self-discovery. * Your identity is bigger than a label. You can have many sides and still be fully you. * Rejection is painful — but it doesn’t get to define your worth. * If you’re struggling, your problems “count.” Don’t minimize yourself out of support. * Parents: watch the cues. Support isn’t one conversation — it’s consistent presence + resources. * For early career Gen Z: you’re not lazy — you’re navigating more options than any generation before you. Who This Episode Is For * Anyone questioning identity, sexuality, or how they “should” show up in the world * Young adults who feel pressure to fit a persona or stereotype to be accepted * People healing from rejection, body image spirals, or self-worth dips * Parents who want to support their kids without pushing them away * Mentors, educators, and leaders who want to better understand young men today * Seniors / grads who feel behind because they don’t have the whole plan yet I would love to hear your thoughts and comments and share this podcast with your friends so that we can figure it out together! Follow me so we can stay connected! https://www.instagram.com/freshoutpodcast/ ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/marychoikelly/] https://www.tiktok.com/@marychoikellyphd ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.mckleadership.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.mckleadership.com/] ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.womenshospitalityinitiative.com/] ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/marychoikelly/⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/marychoikelly/]