Lament + Light

Episode 8.5: The Prison That Looked Like Devotion

Have you ever worked harder at your faith than you have in any other season of your life, and still felt like you were failing? The more you studied, the more you prayed, the more you tried to bring your mind into submission, and it still did not shift. Not because you lacked faith. But because what you actually needed was not a better spiritual discipline. There is a name for what many of us were doing in those seasons. Scrupulosity. The obsessive, anxiety-driven need to achieve moral and spiritual perfection through compulsive religious practice. From the outside, it looks like devotion. From the inside, it is torment. In this episode, we are going to talk honestly about what it costs women when the framework they were handed skips presence and goes straight to correction. We are going to look at the woman caught in adultery, at Romans 7 and 8, at what Jesus actually said about logs and specks, and at what we owe each other when someone in our life is suffering. The framework you were handed may be the problem. Not your faith. Scripture References John 8:3-11 — The woman caught in adultery Romans 7:15 — For I do not do what I want Romans 8:1 — There is therefore now no condemnation 1 Peter 5:7 — Cast your anxieties on Him Mark 9:24 — I believe, help my unbelief Matthew 7:1-5 — The log and the speck Psalm 103:14 — He knows our frame Romans 2:4 — His kindness leads to repentance 2 Corinthians 12:9 — His power made perfect in weakness Resources Free ebook: What Are You Really Feeling? A guided reflection for women who are carrying more than they can name. betweengriefandglory.com/What-Are-You-Really-Feeling-Opt-in The Story Behind the Pattern — $37 ebook. A structured process for tracing the thread from your past to your present patterns, brought before God. betweengriefandglory.com/offers/oCowbkW2/checkout Connect with Paris Website: betweengriefandglory.com Instagram: @betweengriefandglory Podcast: Lament & Light on Spotify and Apple Podcasts Coming June 16 A Summer of Sorrows begins on the Lament & Light podcast. Twelve episodes on lament, the suffering saints, and the beauty hidden in sorrow. Subscribe now on Spotify or Apple Podcasts so you do not miss a single episode. Next Episode A Summer of Sorrows, Episode 1. June 16.

Episode 8: Practices for the Wall — How to Stay With God Without Performing

🎨 Join Paris for Giving Shape to Sorrow — a guided grief art retreat, [https://www.betweengriefandglory.com/offers/HRpheoco/checkout] June 13 (online, 90 min) 💌 Subscribe to ⁠⁠⁠Notes from the In Between⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.betweengriefandglory.com/notes-from-the-in-between] ✞ Learn more & go deeper: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Between Grief & Glory Website⁠⁠ [https://www.betweengriefandglory.com/] Nobody told you what to pick up when the old tools stopped working. They just kept handing you the same ones and wondering why you weren't getting better. This final episode of Through the Wall is for the woman who is still in it — and needs to know how to stay without performing her way through. Paris walks through six practices from the contemplative tradition that are not about productivity, measurable growth, or spiritual discipline as you have known it. They are shelter. They are the practices that keep you tethered to God when the usual tethers have gone slack. Psalms of lament. Prayer of relinquishment. Silence and solitude. Receiving beauty. Lectio Divina. Receiving spiritual care. None of them will fix the wall. All of them will keep you breathing until the light comes. You are not behind. You are not failing. You are being formed in the only way that lasts.

Episode 7.5: Count It All Joy Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means

For a long time, I could not read James 1:2 without feeling worse about myself. 'Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials.' If you have ever been handed that verse in the middle of something genuinely hard and felt like you were failing it, this episode is for you. Today we are sitting with what James is actually saying — and what he is not saying. We are going to the garden with Jesus, who asked to be spared three times and still walked toward the cross. And we are going to talk about what it means to hold real anguish and settled trust at the same time. Not as a performance. As a formation. You are right to ask God why. You are right to ask Him to take it away. And you can keep walking in faith at the same time. Holding that tension is not weakness. It is exactly what maturity looks like. Scripture References James 1:2-4 — Count it all joy James 1:5 — Ask God for wisdom James 1:17 — Every good and perfect gift Matthew 26:39 — Jesus in Gethsemane Matthew 27:46 — My God, My God Hebrews 12:2 — For the joy set before Him Psalm 22:1 — Why have You forsaken Me Romans 2:4 — His kindness leads to repentance Connect with Paris Website: betweengriefandglory.com Instagram: @betweengriefandglory Podcast: Lament & Light on Spotify and Apple Podcasts Coming June 16 A Summer of Sorrows — 12 episodes on lament, the suffering saints, and the beauty hidden in sorrow. Subscribe now so you do not miss a single episode.

Episode 7: Ancient Company — You Are Not the First to Feel This

🎨 Join Paris for Giving Shape to Sorrow — a guided grief art retreat, [https://www.betweengriefandglory.com/offers/HRpheoco/checkout] June 13 (online, 90 min) 💌 Subscribe to ⁠⁠⁠Notes from the In Between⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.betweengriefandglory.com/notes-from-the-in-between] ✞ Learn more & go deeper: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Between Grief & Glory Website⁠⁠ [https://www.betweengriefandglory.com/] One of the cruelest things about the wall is what it whispers: everyone else's faith is working. Yours is the one that broke. The historical record says otherwise. In this episode, Paris introduces you to the people who have been here before you. Elijah under the broom tree, asking God to take his life. Paul, writing that he despaired of life itself. Jesus in Gethsemane, sweating blood. John of the Cross, writing about the dark night from a prison cell. Julian of Norwich, whispering all shall be well from inside her own suffering. The Desert Fathers and Mothers, who went into the wilderness not to escape — but to find. They were not weak. They were not faithless. They were faithful people who hit the wall and wrote it down — so that someone like you could find it one day and exhale. You are not crazy. You are not uniquely broken. You are not the first. You are in ancient, holy, hard company. And you are held.

Episode 6.5: When You Can Name the Trigger Before It Names You

The Story That's Been Shaping You Behind the Scenes Something happened this week in a relationship that matters to me. A trigger surfaced. My body felt it before my mind had words for it. And for the first time in a while, I could name what was happening before it named me. In this episode we talk about the difference between head faith and embodied faith, how the brain stores and recalls patterns from your past, what bodily resistance actually is and why it feels almost uncontrollable, and what becomes possible when the story that has been shaping you behind the scenes finally comes into the light. Referenced in this episode: Geoff and Cyd Holsclaw, Landscapes of the Soul: How the Science and Spirituality of Attachment Can Move You into Confident Faith, Courage, and Connection (Tyndale, 2025) Center for Embodied Faith: embodiedfaith.life Attaching to God podcast: available on all podcast platforms Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score BGG Episode 4.5 (the war zone and disorganized attachment) Free resource mentioned: What Are You Really Feeling? — Free guided workbook https://www.betweengriefandglory.com/What-Are-You-Really-Feeling-Opt-in Embodied Integration Practices: https://www.betweengriefandglory.com/offers/4mrQghrR/checkout