No Shame in Our Game

Shame of Not Belonging: Jiemi Gao on immigrating and finding your people

We sat down with Jiemi Gao, founder of Nori, to talk about shame, belonging, and what it actually takes to feel like you fit somewhere. Jiemi moved from Hangzhou, China to Canada at 12, spent months working through ESL workbooks on her own, and eventually realized the language gap was only part of what she was carrying. We got into why strangers can sometimes hold space better than the people closest to us, how empathy moves shame to the sidelines, and what Jiemi built on the other side of feeling like an outsider. We closed with moments of gratitude, including Lacey's daughter Iris, who has started asking big questions about meetings, people who have passed, and what it means to want bangs. TOPICS COVERED * Jiemi's experience moving from China to Canada at 12 and the shame of not fitting in * Why her MBA program at INSEAD was the first place she felt like she truly belonged * How small group discussions with strangers unlock honesty that conversations with close friends often don't * Sara's own shame around hosting a "one and done" group for moms of single children * Lacey's daughter Iris asking questions about death, meetings, and bangs LINKS & RESOURCES Learn more about Nori [https://asknori.com/]. Submit your own joy moment, a question for No Shame in Our Game, or apply to be on our shows. [practicalhug.com/submit]

Lazy: The Shame Turducken

Sara's been carrying shame about being lazy since she was a kid waking up to chore lists on the kitchen table every summer morning. In this episode, she and Lacey get into where that shame actually came from, what it did to her body when it went unchecked, and how she secretly loved a week on the couch with a heating pad and a bag of saltines. They work through the difference between actual laziness and rest that feels forbidden, land on a pretty good definition of what lazy even means, and Sara has a real-time breakthrough about personal operating manuals and butter knives. The "what's making you happy" at the end involves sunflowers and a new room setup. TOPICS COVERED * Sara's childhood chore lists and what her kid brain decided they meant about belonging * The wedding day moment that captures her mom's worldview in one sentence * Why Sara secretly loved being couch-bound with an ulcer and what that says about permission * Lacey's two-year-old pushing back on "hardworking" as an affirmation * The butter knife breakthrough: what happens when you try to operate outside your own manual LINKS & RESOURCES * "Rest is Productive" merch [https://store.practicalhug.com/products/rest-is-productive-crewneck-sweatshirt?variant=53245927883025] * Submit your own question for No Shame in Our Game or apply to be a guest: practicalhug.com/submit [https://practicalhug.com/submit]

Big Feelings & Shame Origins: Part 2

This one got big in the best way. We started with Lacey's shame story about being called "too dramatic" as a kid — and somewhere along the way, we landed on silk robes, talk show beds, and the power of living your life out loud. Turns out, when you're told your feelings are too much, you learn to shrink. And when you shrink long enough, you start to believe the universe doesn't want big things for you. Spoiler: it does. Sara and Lacey dig into how childhood shame becomes the box we live in as adults — until we realize we get to rewrite the rules. They talk about the difference between shame that protects and shame that diminishes, why "of course it's me" is a perfectly reasonable thought to have, and how chronic illness might just become a feature instead of a bug. It's messy and hopeful and honestly, a little bit of a breakthrough in real time. If you've ever felt too much, too loud, or too whatever — this one's for you. Listen in and see what happens when you stop asking permission to take up space.

Big Feelings & Shame Origins: Part 1

We're starting something new on No Shame in Our Game. Sara turns the mic around and Lacey becomes the guest, and we're kicking off with the word Lacey uses to beat herself up that she hasn't done nearly as much work on as the other one: dramatic. Big feelings, where they come from, what it costs to spend years making yourself smaller so other people are more comfortable. We went two episodes on this one because it kept going somewhere real. Part two is next week. Timestamps 1. 00:00 — Welcome + introducing the new format 2. 01:00 — Sara sets the stage: where "no shame" started and why it matters 3. 03:30 — Guilt vs. shame: what Brené Brown got right (probably) 4. 06:00 — Lacey's topic: dramatic, big feelings, and the word she hasn't worked through yet 5. 09:30 — Where it started: being the biggest feeler in a house that didn't have room for it 6. 13:00 — Reality TV as a safe space to watch big feelings from the outside 7. 15:30 — "I self-edit so much I don't even know what that would look like" 8. 17:00 — The Joe story: "I am afraid of your big feelings" 9. 18:30 — What would it feel like to just... not edit? 10. 20:00 — The Midwest lane: you can be happy, but not too happy 11. 21:30 — Saying out loud that you're smart, pretty, and likable — and the qualifying that follows MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Brené Brown's work on shame vs. guilt — brenebrown.com [http://brenebrown.com] Miss Rachel's "Big Feelings" song [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/juPW1au87Ck] — because apparently it's doing real work in Lacey's house K-Pop Demon Hunters / Golden [https://youtu.be/yebNIHKAC4A?si=-NiTlDnWzPlXihCs] — Lacey's K-Pop moment that actually made a point TELL US What's a word someone used to describe you growing up that you're still working to shake? We'd love to hear it. Submit a Joy Moment or Submit a Question with us at pracitcalhug.com/submit [pracitcalhug.com/submit ].

Good, Better, Best: The Bare Minimum Is a Foundation, Not a Failure

In this episode, we're diving deep into one of our favorite Practical Hug tools: Good, Better, Best. This framework is all about giving yourself a menu of options instead of one impossible "perfect" standard — and then actually celebrating whichever version you accomplish. We talk about the mindset shift that makes "the bare minimum" a foundation instead of a failure, how Lacey learned this tool while navigating chronic illness, how Sara is using it in real time to prepare for a trip while managing pain, and how it shows up as a daily prioritization tool. We also get into why self-help can feel icky and what makes Practical Hug different: you're not doing this alone, and there is no finish line. If you've ever beaten yourself up for not doing the "best" version of something, this one's for you. TIMESTAMPS 1. 00:00 Welcome and Real Life Energy 2. 00:40 What Practical Hug Means 3. 02:04 Good Better Best Mindset 4. 04:37 Chronic Illness and Perfectionism 5. 08:12 How the Tool Works Breakfast Example 6. 10:52 Trip Prep House and Packing 7. 16:17 Using It for Daily Priorities 8. 18:27 Self Help vs Practical Hug 9. 26:44 Momentum and Joyful Support 10. 29:33 Gratitude and Wrap Up TELL US What's one thing you've been putting off because "best" felt out of reach — and what would "good" actually look like for that task? Submit your thoughts (or your Joy Moment!) at practicalhug.com/submit [http://practicalhug.com/submit] Mentioned in this episode: Cubtale Make parenting easier with Cubtale. Cubtale [https://noshameinourgame.com/cubtale]