The Nurturing After Narcissism Podcast

Are You Missing These 10 Red Flags in Your Relationship?

We all deserve relationships that uplift us, where we feel safe, respected, and cherished. But sometimes, in the everyday currents of life, it can be incredibly hard to spot the subtle, insidious patterns that signal something is deeply wrong. You might feel a persistent unease, a sense that something isn't quite right, but you can't put your finger on it. If you've been feeling this way, you're not alone. Many individuals find themselves in relationships where their emotional well-being is slowly eroded, often by behaviors that are difficult to identify as abusive. Today, I want to shine a light on 10 common warning signs that could indicate you're experiencing emotional or even narcissistic abuse. These aren't always obvious; they can be disguised, normalized, or simply dismissed as "just how they are." Let's dive into these red flags. See if any of them resonate with you. The 10 Warning Signs You Need to Watch For: * Walking on Eggshells: Do you ever feel like you have to be super careful around your partner, watching everything you say or do just to avoid triggering an argument or a bad mood? One woman I worked with even spent hours rehearsing how to bring up a simple topic without setting her partner off. That's a huge red flag. * Constant Criticism: Does your partner criticize or belittle you, sometimes disguised as jokes or concern? Perhaps they tell you you're "too sensitive" or "not good enough." These constant put-downs slowly chip away at your self-confidence. * Isolation from Friends and Family: Maybe you've noticed you don't see your friends or family as much as you used to. Or your partner gets upset when you want to spend time with them. I had a client who hadn't talked to her sister in months because her partner made her feel guilty for doing so. * Financial Control: Does your partner control the money, monitor your spending, or even prevent you from working? This type of abuse keeps you trapped, severely limiting your independence. * The Silent Treatment: When things go wrong, does your partner give you the cold shoulder for hours, or even days? This is a form of emotional punishment that leaves you feeling confused and desperate to "fix things." * Gaslighting: This is the classic "that never happened." Has your partner ever made you question your memory or reality by denying things that actually occurred? Gaslighting is a common manipulation tactic in narcissistic abuse. * Love Bombing Followed by Devaluation: Does your partner shower you with affection and attention one day, only to withdraw or criticize you the next? This push and pull keeps you emotionally off-balance. * Blame Shifting: When something goes wrong, are you always the one who's blamed? You might hear things like, "Well, if you hadn't done that, I wouldn't have had to get so angry." * Monitoring Your Whereabouts: Does your partner check in excessively or get upset when you don't immediately answer texts or calls? That controlling behavior is a major red flag. * Feeling Like Nothing You Ever Do Is Enough: Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try, your partner is never satisfied? That constant feeling of failure is emotionally exhausting. Is It Time for Your "Reality Check"? If any of these warning signs resonated with you, it's crucial to acknowledge those feelings and explore them further. Understanding these patterns is the first step toward reclaiming your peace and well-being. For those who want to dive deeper, I’ve created a free, private quiz called Reality Check: Are you experiencing emotional or narcissistic abuse? It can help you identify patterns you might be missing and give you that "aha" moment you've been searching for. Find it here: https://mycoachsusie1.outgrow.us/mycoachsusie1-3 [https://mycoachsusie1.outgrow.us/mycoachsusie1-3] Take the Next Step Towards Healing and Thriving Recognizing these signs can be incredibly validating, but it's just the beginning. Healing from emotional or narcissistic abuse requires ongoing support, guidance, and a safe space to process your experiences. If this resonated, take the next step with me. ❤️ My Rise and Thrive Women membership is a private, off-social media community for healing and support. Get live coaching, workshops, and more. This is a space dedicated to supporting survivors of narcissistic abuse, high-conflict co-parenting, single motherhood, and trauma recovery. As a survivor of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence, and a certified trauma recovery coach, I am deeply committed to sharing helpful information, tools, and resources for those navigating these challenges. Try it free for 7 days! Join here: https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b [https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b] You deserve to live a life free from emotional distress and to build relationships that truly nourish you. Let's Rise and Thrive together. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit swendel.substack.com [https://swendel.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Is a Narcissist Sabotaging Your Career? Here's How to Fight Back

It's a startling truth: approximately one in ten people exhibit narcissistic personality traits. And while we often think of the chaos they cause in personal relationships, these traits can silently, and powerfully, destroy your career. You might not see it at first, but over time, you'll notice the tell-tale signs: missed opportunities, damaged relationships, and a creeping self-doubt that leaves you second-guessing everything. The workplace is fertile ground for narcissists to thrive. With its inherent hierarchies, competitive nature, and power dynamics, it's an environment ripe for exploitation. To a narcissist, colleagues aren't teammates; they're either competitors to be vanquished or tools to be manipulated on their climb up the corporate ladder. If you've ever felt like you're caught in an invisible game of survival at work, where the rules constantly shift and the goalposts keep moving, you might be dealing with a narcissist. Here are six subtle, yet seriously damaging, ways narcissists can sabotage you at work, and more importantly, how you can protect your reputation and your peace of mind. Understanding the Narcissistic Playbook in the Workplace Before we dive into their tactics, let's quickly refresh on what narcissistic traits look like in a professional setting. We're talking about individuals who: * Lack empathy: They struggle to understand or share the feelings of others. * Constantly crave recognition and admiration: Their self-worth is often tied to external validation. * Manipulate situations and people: They orchestrate events and relationships to serve their own agenda. Now, let's explore their go-to sabotage strategies: 1. Taking Credit for Your Work: The Classic Power Grab This is a quintessential narcissistic move. You pour your time and energy into a project, staying late, problem-solving, and driving it forward. Then, in a team meeting, the narcissist swoops in at precisely the right moment – usually when leadership is present – positioning themselves as the driving force. They'll make it appear as if they were the mastermind, leaving you feeling invisible and your contributions overlooked. 2. Spreading Subtle Smear Campaigns: The Whisper Network This tactic is incredibly insidious. Narcissists rarely outright trash you in an obvious way. Instead, they resort to passive-aggressive comments in meetings or little digs behind your back. They might say, "I'm a little concerned about how reliable she's been lately," or "I've noticed she's been really stressed; I hope everything's okay at home." These seemingly innocuous comments plant seeds of doubt about your character and competence without them appearing to be the bad guy. 3. Gaslighting Your Performance: Making You Question Reality "You're overreacting." "That's not how I remember it." "You're being too sensitive." Sound familiar? Narcissists will twist facts, rewrite conversations, or outright deny things they clearly said. This leaves you questioning your own memory, perception, and even sanity. Over time, you start to wonder, "Am I actually the problem?" (Spoiler alert: You're not.) 4. Strategic Exclusion: The Isolation Tactic Suddenly, you're left off important emails, find out about key meetings after they've happened, or are mysteriously not invited to social gatherings where networking naturally occurs. When you bring it up, you might hear a dismissive, "Oh, I thought you got the invite," or "It was just a last-minute thing, sorry." The goal here is clear: to isolate you and limit your access to crucial information or potential allies. 5. Playing the Victim: Flipping the Script When you finally try to set a boundary or call them out on their behavior, they immediately flip the script. Suddenly, you're being mean, not a team player, or making them feel "unsafe." They'll complain to leadership about your "unfair" treatment, conveniently ignoring the months of manipulation that led to that confrontation. 6. Sabotaging Growth Opportunities: Keeping You Down You mention applying for a promotion, and suddenly, they're offering backhanded advice like, "I just don't want you to set yourself up for disappointment." Or, they'll subtly undermine you in front of decision-makers, making you seem unprepared, overly emotional, or difficult. Their objective? To keep you small and out of their way, ensuring you don't climb past them. Rise and Thrive Women membership. It’s a private, off-social media community built for high-achieving and heart-centered women just like you. We offer support, resources, live coaching, and workshops to help you heal and rise. You can try it free for 7 days. Join here: https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b [https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b] How to Protect Yourself and Your Career So, what can you do when faced with these damaging tactics? * Document Everything: Start keeping meticulous written records. Save emails, write summaries of important conversations, and maintain a private log of specific incidents with dates and details. This documentation is your strongest defense if things escalate. * Stay Emotionally Neutral: This is tough, but crucial. Do not take the bait. Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions. Respond with calm, fact-based communication. Think professional, unemotional bullet points. * Build Allies at Work: Find people you trust, especially co-workers who may have witnessed similar patterns. Having allies not only validates your experience but also creates a vital support system. When you need to raise concerns, you won't be standing alone. * Speak Up Strategically: If the situation becomes serious, escalate carefully. Go to HR with clear documentation, sticking strictly to facts and avoiding emotional language. Frame your concerns in terms of how the narcissist's behavior negatively impacts team morale, productivity, or the overall company culture. Remember: Your Intuition Isn't Wrong If something feels off, it probably is. You are not imagining the sabotage. You are not being too sensitive, and you are definitely not alone. Narcissists frequently operate behind the scenes, tearing people down while skillfully portraying themselves as the hero. But now, you have the language to identify these behaviors, and you have the tools to protect yourself. Reality Check: Are You Experiencing Emotional or Narcissistic Abuse? If you’ve been second-guessing yourself, wondering if what you’re going through is normal—or if it’s something more harmful—you’re not alone. This quick, confidential quiz will help you identify some common signs of emotional, narcissistic, or coercive control abuse in relationships. Take the Free "Reality Check" Quiz Now: https://mycoachsusie1.outgrow.us/mycoachsusie1-3 [https://mycoachsusie1.outgrow.us/mycoachsusie1-3] Have you ever experienced these dynamics at work? How did you handle it? Share your experiences in the comments below – let's start a conversation and support each other. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit swendel.substack.com [https://swendel.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Is It Really Abuse? 10 Warning Signs You Might Be Missing

Is It Really Abuse? 10 Warning Signs You Might Be Missing It can be sneaky. Sometimes, it’s so hard to realize what’s even happening. You find yourself wondering, "Is it really that bad?" or second-guessing if what you feel is real. I’m not just talking about physical abuse. Emotional and narcissistic abuse often don't leave visible scars, making them difficult to pinpoint. One client told me, "He never laid a hand on me, but I feel like I'm disappearing inside of this relationship". That slow erosion of self-esteem is the reality for so many. If you feel confused, please know your feelings are valid. To help bring some clarity, I want to walk you through 10 specific warning signs that you might be experiencing abuse in your relationship. (For those who want to dive deeper, I’ve created a free, private quiz called Reality Check: Are you experiencing emotional or narcissistic abuse? It can help you identify patterns you might be missing and give you that "aha" moment you've been searching for. Find it here: https://mycoachsusie1.outgrow.us/mycoachsusie1-3 [https://mycoachsusie1.outgrow.us/mycoachsusie1-3]) Here are 10 warning signs to look out for: 1. Walking on Eggshells Do you feel like you have to be incredibly careful around your partner?. This often looks like watching every single thing you say or do just to avoid setting off an argument or a bad mood. One woman I worked with even spent hours rehearsing how she would bring up a simple topic to avoid setting her partner off. That is a huge red flag. 2. Constant Criticism Does your partner belittle or criticize you, sometimes disguising it as a "joke" or "concern"?. These constant put-downs, like being told you're "too sensitive," slowly chip away at your self-confidence. 3. Isolation from Friends and Family Abusers often try to cut you off from your support system. You might notice that you don't see your friends or family as much as you used to. Your partner may get upset when you want to spend time with others or make you feel guilty for doing so. 4. Financial Control This is a powerful way to keep you trapped and limit your independence. It can look like your partner controlling all the money, preventing you from working, or monitoring your spending. 5. The Silent Treatment When something goes wrong, does your partner give you the cold shoulder for hours or even days?. This isn't just a need for space; it's a form of emotional punishment that leaves you feeling confused and desperate to fix things. 6. Gaslighting Gaslighting is a classic manipulation tactic where your partner denies things that actually happened to make you question your own memory and reality. You’ll hear the classic phrase, "That never happened". 7. Love Bombing Followed by Devaluation This is an emotional push-and-pull that keeps you off balance. One day your partner might shower you with intense affection and attention, and the next, they withdraw or criticize you. 8. Blame Shifting When something goes wrong, are you always the one who gets blamed?. An abuser will flip the script to make you feel responsible for their anger or actions, saying things like, "Well, if you hadn’t have done that, I wouldn’t have had to get so angry". 9. Monitoring Your Whereabouts This controlling behavior is a major red flag. It includes your partner checking in on you excessively or getting upset when you don't answer calls or texts immediately. 10. Feeling Like Nothing You Do Is Ever Enough Do you constantly feel like no matter how hard you try, your partner is never satisfied?. That persistent feeling of failure is emotionally exhausting. If any of these signs resonated with you, I want you to know you're not crazy and you're not alone. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward clarity. If this resonated, take the next step with me. ❤️ My Rise and Thrive Women membership is a private, off-social media community for healing and support. Get live coaching, workshops, and more. Try it free for 7 days! Join here: https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b [https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b] Which one of these signs stood out to you the most? Let me know by dropping a number in the comments. I read every single one. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit swendel.substack.com [https://swendel.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Is Your Colleague a Narcissist? 5 Red Flags and How to Protect Your Peace

Do you feel drained or even doubt your own memory after meetings? Does your job sometimes feel like an emotional battlefield? If this sounds familiar, I want you to know that you are not imagining it , and you are definitely not alone. As a certified trauma recovery coach and a survivor of narcissistic abuse myself, I've dedicated my work to helping people heal, rebuild, and thrive after toxic relationships. Dealing with a narcissistic colleague can be one of the most confusing and emotionally taxing experiences, but once you see the patterns, you can start protecting your peace. When I talk about narcissism, I'm not referring to a clinical diagnosis. I’m talking about recognizing behavioral patterns that are toxic, manipulative, and emotionally harmful. There's a huge difference between a confident colleague and a narcissistic one. Confidence builds people up; narcissism tears them down. Overt vs. Covert: The Two Faces of Workplace Narcissism It’s crucial to understand that workplace narcissism can show up in two very different ways. * The Overt Narcissist: This is the one you can spot easily. They are loud, arrogant, and always seeking attention. * The Covert Narcissist: This type is much sneakier. They might play the victim, use guilt-tripping to manipulate you , or even come across as shy and soft-spoken. But underneath that facade, the manipulation is still there. The 5 Red Flags You Can't Ignore So, what does this actually look like on the job? Here are the five key signs I want you to watch for. 1. They Steal Credit for Your Work Have you ever completed a big project, only to hear a colleague casually present your idea as their own? Narcissists love the spotlight and rarely share it. 2. They Manipulate Through Charm, Guilt, or Gaslighting They often start out being incredibly friendly and complimentary to make you feel important. But if you confront them about a mistake, you might suddenly be accused of being "too sensitive" or "overreacting". If you've ever heard the phrase, "I was just joking. You take everything so seriously," you've experienced classic gaslighting. 3. They Show a Shocking Lack of Empathy A narcissistic colleague doesn't care that you're overwhelmed or that you stayed late all week. If you bring up feeling stressed or burnt out, they will almost always pivot the conversation back to themselves with comments like, "Well, I'm under a lot of pressure too, you know". 4. They Thrive on Gossip and Triangulation Narcissists love to create chaos by pitting people against each other. They might complain to you about a coworker, then go to that same coworker and say something negative about you. This keeps everyone off-balance and allows them to feel in control. 5. They React Terribly to Feedback Trying to give a narcissistic colleague constructive criticism is often met with defensiveness, stonewalling, or even retaliation. They might respond with sarcasm or exclude you from important meetings. Don't be fooled by the non-apology, "I'm sorry you feel that way." That isn't a real apology; it's deflection. Your Toolkit for Taking Back Control Now for the empowering part: you have tools to handle this. You don’t have to feel powerless at work. * Set Emotional Boundaries. You are not required to get pulled into their drama. If they start gossiping, practice saying, "I'm focused on my work right now, I can't get into this". * Keep Written Records. If you're dealing with missed deadlines or unfair blame, keep a paper trail. Follow up important conversations with an email summary. This protects you and creates documentation if you ever need to escalate the situation. * Use the "Gray Rock" Method. This technique is about being boring. Give short, uninteresting answers with no emotional reaction. Narcissists feed on your energy, and when you don't provide it, they lose interest. A simple, "Oh, hmm," before turning back to your work can be incredibly effective. * Know When to Report It. If the behavior crosses into bullying, harassment, or discrimination, document it and escalate the issue to HR or a trusted supervisor. * Focus on Your Well-Being. Your self-worth does not depend on how a narcissistic coworker treats you. Prioritize your mental health by leaning on trusted friends, therapy, or coaching to stay grounded. If any of this resonated with you, please know that you are not crazy, you're not overreacting, and you are most definitely not alone. Recognizing these toxic patterns is the first, most crucial step toward protecting your peace and reclaiming your life. You deserve happiness and peace. P.S. If this post felt like you were reading your own story, I want to remind you that you are not alone. If you're looking for a safe place to navigate this, I invite you to check out our Rise and Thrive Women membership. It’s a private, off-social media community built for high-achieving and heart-centered women just like you. We offer support, resources, live coaching, and workshops to help you heal and rise. You can try it free for 7 days. Join here: https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b [https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit swendel.substack.com [https://swendel.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

It's Not Burnout. It's Survival Mode.

If you've built what appears to be a beautiful and amazing life on the outside, the job, the home, the image of success but behind the scenes you're miserable, second-guessing everything, and emotionally drained, this is for you. Today, we're talking about the silent struggle many successful women face: emotional abuse that hides behind a mask of perfection. One of the biggest myths about emotional abuse is that it only happens in chaotic or visibly dysfunctional households. The reality is that many of the most emotionally abused women I've worked with are also the most successful. They are lawyers, doctors, CEOs, teachers, and entrepreneurs, women who lead teams and raise families, yet feel like they are failing in their personal lives. Abusers often target successful women because they benefit from your image and accomplishments. But behind closed doors, it's a totally different story. What Hidden Abuse Actually Looks Like When you are living under constant emotional stress, your nervous system never really gets to shut down. You're constantly bracing for the next outburst or manipulation tactic. This can look like: * Being accused of cheating for simply working with male colleagues. * Your partner texting you constantly while you're at work, not out of love, but out of a need for control. * Being told you're "too sensitive" or "overreacting" every time you try to set a boundary or express a feeling. * Receiving the silent treatment for days while still being expected to keep the household running perfectly. * Having affection or finances withheld if you don't agree with them or do what they want. How It's Affecting Your Career This constant state of high alert inevitably shows up at work. It’s not a lack of ambition or a sudden case of burnout; it is your mind and body operating in survival mode. You might find yourself: * Forgetting things, even though you were previously razor-sharp. * Feeling foggy, anxious, or perpetually distracted. * Over-apologizing in meetings and second-guessing your own ideas. * Avoiding networking or social events because you're either too drained or afraid of your partner's reaction. * Acting awkwardly around male colleagues because a seed of doubt has been planted in your mind that you're doing something wrong. As one of my clients put it, "I used to be a top performer, but now I can't even send an email without reading it 10 times over". Why Smart, Capable Women Stay If this resonates, you might be asking yourself, "How could someone like me end up here?". Please know that abuse isn't about intelligence, and trauma doesn't respond to logic. Capable women stay for complex reasons: * Fear of Judgment: "If I leave, will people think I'm overreacting or losing my credibility?". * Trauma Bonding: The cycle of intense highs and devastating lows can create a powerful, addictive bond. * Guilt: You might tell yourself, "He's a good provider. Maybe I'm just hard to love". * Shame: The isolating feeling of being a capable woman in a situation you feel you should have avoided. Your First Steps Toward Healing Please hear this: You're not broken, you're just exhausted. If you're ready to explore what's next, here are a few things you can focus on. * Educate Yourself. Start learning about the dynamics of emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, and coercive control. Gaining clarity is the first step to identifying the abuse for what it is. * Document the Abuse. Start a private journal to reconnect with your own thoughts and stay grounded in your truth. In the days following an abusive incident, it's easy to minimize what happened. Writing it down keeps the reality clear. * Build Your Support System. Seek out a trauma-informed therapist or coach who can help you see the patterns more clearly. If you can, start opening up to a few trusted family members or friends. Just telling one person can be an incredibly empowering step. You deserve peace, not just productivity. You are allowed to have both success and safety. P.S. If this post felt like you were reading your own story, I want to remind you that you are not alone. If you're looking for a safe place to navigate this, I invite you to check out our Rise and Thrive Women membership. It’s a private, off-social media community built for high-achieving and heart-centered women just like you. We offer support, resources, live coaching, and workshops to help you heal and rise. You can try it free for 7 days. Join here: https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b [https://www.skool.com/rise-thrive-women-8662/about?ref=6b0458e8645641b2973eb5e132c8eb7b] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit swendel.substack.com [https://swendel.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]