Keep Me Young

James Charles and Hantavirus: The Two Villains of the Week

Hi besties! Welcome to a nighttime episode where your favorite hosts are in an insomnia induced FLOW STATE. A bunch of Gay Guys are keeping us young this week. Firstly, Jake Shane’s feral interview skills, and secondly, Heather’s parasocial relationship of two gay guys on the internet Gus Heagerty and Dan Pelosi. We all deserve a love like that!!! Actually so many things are keeping us young this week, woof. We’ve got Hantavirus and its repercussions for people in the p*ss kink community, Jeff Bezo’s wife in her mother of the bride dress at the Met Gala and how people were shocked and appalled that billionaires are the only people who can support art at a high level in a Children’s choirs are catching strays too?? If there’s anything you should know about Keep Me Young Pod, it’s that we do NOT want to hear unison choral arrangements of pop songs, divas!!!! James Charles said something that rage baited Blake, so stick around for a really top shelf Blake Rant in the middle of the pod.  Depression meals this week are snackyyyy and we’ve got a light and easy Q&A about ~cinema.~ Two weeks in a row about movies, just waiting for A24 to ask to produce us. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com [keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com] or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

The Devil Wears Prada 2 Fixed Us (Mostly)

Y’all we were in some kind of silly goofy mood this week, so buckle up for a LOT of detours and tangents on a podcast that’s already built on detours and tangents. This week Blake is staying young because of Devil 2. We collectively are staying young because it is a renaissance for the MOVIES this summer. We heart CINEMA and having a Communal Movie Going Experience. And the choir said “Heartbreak feels good in a place like this!.” We discuss Blake’s human Barbie sister, nicknames that don’t age super well, Heather’s favorite body part on Blake, and the absolute buckwild poetry of Southern idioms. Heather ages all the way to boomer when they realize in real time that the trend of texts set to gospel music  is fully AI. Let us all take this  as a lesson to trust our instincts! Regular degular people in fact cannot write and perform and record gospel music so well or so quickly! Blake is yet again aging because of a conservative straight white man, this time in the form of alleged “comedian” Ben Bankas and a self posted video of his alleged “successful crowd work” wherein he harasses alleged “hecklers” who are simply two women who are not laughing at his jokes. Nobody freak out, but Keep Me Young was  featured in a small to medium viral post on Twitter for our HOT Heated Rivalry takes. And THAT’S why you should always say your opinions into a microphone if you are gay.  Our depression meals are surprisingly aspirational, just with really horrible execution. And Q&A this week is alllll about self care, baby.  Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com [keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com] or on Instagram @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick. @popkisstheband Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

The Correspondents' Dinner Shooting Is About to Spawn the Worst Takes You’ve Ever Seen

Surprise we’re back! Keeping you on your toes here at KMY and we’re back from spring break aka Blake’s family vacation to Florida where against all odds he got sick. But he also had a birthday! HBD king, way to stay on theme with the pod by aging another year! This week our president’s inevitably horrible takes after the White House Correspondents Dinner is aging us. And that’s all we’re gonna say about that in print. Megan Thee Stallion getting CHEATED on causes us to get really philosophical about relationships in general, fame, money, infidelity, monogamy, and straight culture. Blake is thrilled at Euphoria being back on air, and is NOT MAD about That One Gross Scene, okay?? Heather is staying young watching Billie Eilish live her dreams as one less lonely girl with J Biebs at Coachella. She’s just like us, fr. We’re taking a brave stand and formally announcing that we’re pro-bicycles here at Keep Me Young. Unless we’re surrounded by a lot of people who hate bikes. And finally, we try to answer life’s big questions, like “can you think someone is hot without actually liking them?” and “are the youths fundamentally more careful and police-y because everything is filmed and they can’t make mistakes in private?”  We return to our roots with depression meals this week and prove that snacks are, in fact, food, and sometimes that’s a meal. Our submission is a true film noir, and let it be an example for creative writers everywhere.  Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com [keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com] or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Friends, Karaoke, and the Rapid Decline of Trump

Stop EVERYTHING and tell us right now if you’re older than 25 and had to sign up for the draft as an 18 year old. Hello??? Did everyone except Heather know about this? Thanks to Queen Donna for her second cameo to clarify Blake’s near military service and our condolences to the newest draftees and let’s all meditate on the implications of compulsory military service for one half of the population because I guess we’ve deemed them both strong and disposable? Eeeeek! Please take a deep centering breath before reading this next sentence: This week Heather is aging muy rapido because of our idiot president and his idiot supporters and certain world leaders’ compulsive destruction and greed. Whew and moving on! Heather and Blake join each other after a night of irl friendship celebrating Blake literally aging another year (humiliating!) at a karaoke birthday party. We discuss karaoke culture, the best good/bad songs to sing in front of your friends, and the Love of the Sport of Singing. We share our personal power rankings of everyone in Friends, and then fall down a massive rabbit hole of early 2000s sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother and Big Bang Theory and how so many of them were like, kinda bad and boring!  This week’s depression meals were supposed to be medicinal and they absolutely failed, but we redeemed ourselves with top shelf professional (?) Queer and Gay life advice. And you know what? As a little treat, we went on the longest tangent ever, absolutely losing our minds for the chubby hotties of the world. God bless. Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com [keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com] or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek @sydneypatrick_ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]

Boob: The Kristi Noem Story

Two horrible politicians stand before me. But there’s only one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl that is still in the running towards becoming America’s Worst Trump Defender. I’ll only call one name and the girl that I do not call must immediately return to the house and pack your bags. Wait, PLOT TWIST both Pam Bondi and Kristi Noem were eliminated! Welcome back to Keep Me Young! This week Blake and Heather are staying young and wild and free because not even the devil’s handmaidens are safe from being fired. It’s really okay and fine to cross dress, even when you buy the cheapest b**bies that the dark web had to offer. But I guess not when your wife is a transphobe Republican? Keep that in mind. Also. We, two of the most chalant people you’ll ever parasocially know, are rapidly aging because of the epidemic of Cool Guys who wouldn’t be caught dead being earnest. Please we beg of you, join us on top of cringe mountain! The view is incredible! Where do YOU fall on the spectrum of Chappell Roan to Kanye in the “separate the art from the artist” debate?  This week’s depression meals are surprisingly healthy (?) and our Q&A brings us back to our youths when we literally didn’t know anything about the world or ourselves. As if that’s any different from now…Submit your Depression Meals and Q&A with Queer and Gay questions to keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com [keepmeyoungpod@gmail.com] or @keepmeyoungpod. Our theme song “Old” is written and performed by the band pop kiss, fronted by Nicole and Sydney Patrick  @popkisstheband @niconeeek Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices [https://megaphone.fm/adchoices]