Goodbye, My Heart: Healing After Pet Loss
In this episode of Wake the F** Up*, Alix Long is joined by writer and pet-loss advocate E.B. Bartels for an honest, tender, and unexpectedly uplifting conversation about what it means to love—and lose—our animal companions. With her book Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter coming out in paperback in November 2024, E.B. shares how a few personal essays written during her MFA at Columbia led to years of deep cultural research into how we mourn our pets—and why it matters.
No matter the culture or religion, grieving pet parents speak in the same terms: “unconditional love,” “my angel,” “my baby.” And yet, despite this shared experience, our society still undervalues the pain of pet loss—often minimizing it or rushing the grieving process. E.B. challenges that narrative by naming what many feel but rarely say: pet grief is real, deep, and often more immediate than the grief we feel for some people.
Alix and E.B. both share personal stories that speak to the profound, sacred moments that can exist at the end of an animal’s life. Alix opens up about her boxer Layla, who held on through her husband Carl’s illness and passed peacefully at home from stomach cancer. E.B. recalls her dog Seymour’s final moments—his in-home euthanasia was the calmest he had ever been. These experiences aren’t just sad; they’re beautiful, even healing. And they’re reminders that, when it’s possible, death can be full of love, grace, and dignity.
There’s also no one-size-fits-all timeline for opening your heart to a new pet. For some, it’s a matter of weeks. For others, years. What matters is honoring what feels right for your life, your grief, and your capacity to love again. E.B. and her husband have decided to wait until their toddler, Luca, asks for a dog—choosing to make space for the next companion when the time feels organic and mutual.
What emerges through this conversation is a philosophy of love that’s rooted in presence. Animals teach us to be here now, to feel joy in small things, and to love without holding back. Yes, it ends. And yes, it’s still worth it. As E.B. says, we keep opening our hearts to new pets even when we know they’ll break them—because the love is just that good.
Good Grief has become a beloved resource for people navigating the raw and often invisible grief of losing a pet. With the paperback release on the horizon, E.B. hopes to reach more people in more accessible ways—reminding us all that this grief is real, valid, and shared. This is a conversation about love, loss, and the quiet beauty of showing up fully—for our animals, and for ourselves.
