Try This At Home

This is a topic that has been on Leslie and Leslyn’s list since starting the podcast. If you’re in a relationship whether it be only a few months or many, many years, there are challenges to being in a relationship. They start off the episode discussing the relationship issues surrounding fidelity. Leslyn shares that a huge percentage of people who deal with fidelity never even reach counseling for these issues. Those that do, Leslyn starts off the couple’s therapy by stating that if the couple is invested in saving the marriage and they do the work there is a 50% change that they can make that happen. It’s important to note that affairs do not happen in healthy relationship as the relationship is typically not vulnerable to someone outside of marriage if it is healthy. Leslyn continues by stating if we want to take care of something and keep it, it requires maintenance. We maintain our homes, cars, lawn, furnace, and even our own health. Why not a relationship? Everything that we want to keep requires maintenance and relationships should not be different. Bickering is another challenge that can face couples in a relationship. It’s important to understand what connotation bickering may hold for you. Bickering is unhealthy when it includes backstabbing or degrading comments about one another. Leslyn shares a story about a couple who fights all the time. For the husband, he picked up the pattern by watching is parents and saw it as a normal part of the relationship. While the wife had never seen her parents bicker or have a disagreement. You must find a middle ground that is comfortable for both sides. Criticism can often be more subtle downplays than seen in bickering. Criticism over time all by itself can be caner to a relationship, it breaks down the ego and esteem of the person who is being criticized. Leslyn states that no one want to be around you if they will feel less than when they are with you. This can bleed into the next point, name-calling. This can be called contempt and Leslyn believes it is the single most destructive thing that can happen in a relationship. Calling your significant other degrading and inappropriate things can break them down. When we allow ourselves to be treated this way or be disrespected, or if we are the one disrespecting a person who deserves human compassion, we can never start on the right foot. When you are mad if you feel that you must use that language, you can write it down and throw it out but do not speak it to the person that you just said I love you to. Another incredibly destructive thing to relationships is inattention. It often will be seen by one partner as something they were not aware of, which is probably part of the problem that is rising. If you are not paying attention, your partner can feel that. Checking in and making a connection with your loved one is crucial and can prevent things from turning into more of a roommate situation. Roommates will be good co-parents but do not make any time for each other. They are platonically connected but there is no romantic engagement occurring anymore. Absence in physicality can cause issues in a relationship. Without physical connection, problems ensue. Physicality of some kind is important in keeping passion and suggestion more alive in the relationship. Threats to leave is when the idea of plan B comes into play. How can someone feel safe and secure if their partner is threatening to leave or the person feels like they are being pushed away. Threats to leave are not usually coming from a place that the person could not survive without their partner but instead it is used as a control tactic or because fear of not getting what we want so we push people away. Usually the thing that we want is love. The last point, Leslyn shares is something that she would change in the world if she could and that is assumptions. When we make assumptions, we are anticipating a reaction based on an assumption that we have. Assumptions prevent you from living fully and make room for misinterpretations and mistakes. It is important to say that you can make assumptions if you have double checked and validated the assumption. Unvalidated assumptions are routed in discourse and leave the door open for disappointment. Today’s Try This at Home is to make sure that you cover this list with yourself and note if there are any pieces that need maintenance in your relationship. Check in with you partner and seek counseling if necessary. Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home! Next Week’s Episode: How to Maintain a Healthy Marriage One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help! We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful. Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms! TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn [https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn] Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1 [https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q] Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/] or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

Episode Notes: Leslie and Leslyn begin the episode explaining their interpretation of ‘life changing’ when it comes to books that have facilitated in personal growth and retrospection. These books did not incite dramatic life changing events but instead planted the seeds to grow. Leslie’s first book recommendation is Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits by Gretchen Rubin. Leslie shares the quote, “How we schedule our days is how we spend our lives.” It’s the biggest thing she learned from the book, as the little things that we do repeatedly everyday make a huge impact in our lives. Leslie also shares the quote, “The biggest waste of time is to do well in the thing that we need to do at all.” The overall message of the book is something that Leslie has thought about countless times. Leslyn’s first book recommendation is Complete Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue by Neale Donald Walsch. Leslyn shares the quote, “Religion asks you to learn from the experience of others, spirituality urges you to seek your own.” This book spoke to Leslyn and helped her seek her own understanding of what it means to be spiritual. Leslyn believes that this book took all the things that Leslyn believed in and loved about her Catholicism and her Christian faith and put it in a way that allowed her to consider a much broader understanding of what it meant for her to be a spiritual person. This is the book that Leslyn has recommended more than any other piece because it allowed her to open her mind. The second book recommendation from Leslie is Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams by Mark Batterson. The main focus of the text is surrounding prayer. Leslie’s takeaway is that before she was not as persistent with prayer as she would like to be. A quote that stood out for Leslie was, “Every miracle starts as a problem.” Often times we do not think about the problems and thing it will turn into something positive. This book, Leslie credits, for changing the way she thought about prayer and the things she saw she could improve and did improve on. Leslyn’s second book recommendation is Messages from the Masters by Brian Weiss. Written by a traditional psychotherapist, he found one of his patients when under hypnosis for pain began to recall past life traumas that seem to be the cause of her recurring nightmares and anxiety attacks. The takeaway for Leslyn is that love is never a dependency and at all times you can practice the experience of love. It helped Leslyn stay focused and grounded in love during some of the toughest time of her life. Leslie’s last book recommendation is Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All by Karen Ehman. Leslie originally became interested in this book as she finds she is a pretty open book about life and she sometimes forgets that not everyone is like that. This book helps a number of practical pieces and let Leslie understand that she didn’t need to tell everyone everything. Leslyn’s last book recommendation, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. The book is described as “a powerful new vision that encourages to dare greatly, to embrace vulnerability, and imperfection to live whole heartedly and courageously engage in our lives.” A powerful ideal, Leslyn shares the book talks about shame and how it is the cornerstone of disfunction. This book helped Leslyn expose herself and learn that it is okay to not hide behind things. This week’s Try This at Home is to discover what book recommendations you can identify with and what you should add to your next book list! Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home! Next Week’s Episode: Marriage Cancers One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help! We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful. Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com Links to Look At: Gretchen Rubin | Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits [https://www.amazon.com/Better-Than-Before-Habits-Procrastinate/dp/0385348630] Neale Donald Walsch The Complete Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue [https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Conversations-Neale-Donald-Walsch/dp/0399153292] Mark Batterson | The Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears [https://www.amazon.com/The-Circle-Maker-Mark-Batterson-audiobook/dp/B006RVEP3E] Brian Weiss | Messages from the Masters: Tapping into the Power of Love [https://www.amazon.com/Messages-Masters-Tapping-into-Power/dp/0446676926] Karen Ehman | Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All [https://www.amazon.com/Keep-Shut-What-When-Nothing/dp/0310339642] Brené Brown | Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love Parent, and Lead [https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419] Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms! TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn [https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn] Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1 [https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q] Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/] or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

On the last episode of Season 2 of Try This at Home, Leslie and Leslyn start off by reviewing some of the changes the podcast has faced in light of the COVID-19 pandemic and move into a reflection of the year as a whole. In the beginning of the second season, Leslie and Leslyn started by catching up and really defining the idea behind Try This at Home. The reasonings behind Try This at Home, and at this point the 80 Try This at Home’s that have been shared over the episodes, is to try to motivate the listener to think about what they can do at home to improve their overall quality of life. This improvement or change is not always an enormous one and often the most lasting changes in life come from the small things we do. Leslyn shares a quote by Confucius, “The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” Lasting change is achieved by doing one thing at a time. This is eluded to in a number of the episodes specially seen in the episodes that cover random kindness, friendship, social media, and connection. Leslyn’s favorite episodes of the season were those that focused on deep introspective questions. Episodes such as passive permission, what is truth, and what is normal. While Leslie’s favorite episodes of the seasons revolved around the topics surrounding the pandemic as it has become a part of living history. Leslyn also shares that the podcasts covering pandemic life had the main focus of adaptation and patience. Another favorite of season two were the book review episodes at the beginning of the season. As an avid book lover, Leslie offers a book recommendation for the winter months called Dream Daughter by Diane Chamberlain. Leslyn gives the listeners a movie recommendation titled The Christmas Shoes. While we are still living the pandemic life, Leslie and Leslyn share their plans for the holidays and some of the big plans they have before the year is over. Leslie and Leslyn share that if you find yourself at home over the break and just need a little boost, some heavy thinking time, or even to stimulate some conversation around your dinner table, there are numerous episodes that offer you help on how to apply the little things in your life. By the time this episode is out, the election will be over and regardless of the outcome, you may find yourself needing to go back and listen to some of the Try This at Home’s episodes. Leslie and Leslyn recommend starting with the episodes on communication, negativity, and kindness. It’s important to remember that survival is about adaptation. Peace, love, joy, and connection does not come from defining right and wrong or creating a right or wrong argument. You must learn to look at differences and find a way to respect and accept those differences. This week’s Try This at Home is to pay attention to the little things that you can do to move mountains. What is your contribution to moving the mountains in your world? Join us again for season 3 coming back to your favorite steaming platforms February 2021! Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home! Next Week’s Episode: See You Next Season!! One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help! We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful. Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com Links to Look At: Leslie’s Book Recommendation: The Dream Daughter by Diane Chamberlain [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/37638145-the-dream-daughter] Leslyn’s Movie Recommendation: The Christmas Shoes [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0330152/] Episodes to Reflect Back On: Try This at Home’s Episode 234: Coping with Disappointment [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/9/22/coping-with-disappointment] Try This at Home’s Episode 229: Fostering Positivity [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/8/19/229] Try This at Home’s Episode 220: Coping with Negativity [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/6/3/220-coping-with-negativity] Try This at Home’s Episode 202: Random Kindness [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/2/1/202-random-kindness] Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms! TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn [https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn] Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1 [https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q] Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/] or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!

Episode Notes: On last week’s episode, Leslie and Leslyn shared some of the major problems that married couples can face and decided to continue this topic to focus on some of the healthy relationship aspects that help maintain a happy marriage. Leslie starts off the episode by sharing some advice that has saved her relationship a few times. When Leslie and her husband disagree on something, whoever feels the strongest on the situation will be what they decide on. This requires maturity and a real commitment to being honest about who truly cares more about the situation. Leslyn adds she often advises couples to rank how they feel on a scale of one to ten and the person who ranks high should be the one making the decision. If both parties have strong opinions on the situation a compromise must be created. To have a magic marriage, one must make it their job to learn how to communicate effectively. Leslie and Leslyn explain this point by discussing communication when it comes to wants and needs in the relationship. Following effective communication, magic marriage couples also show daily appreciation. Many couples that Leslyn has in her office often say they do not feel appreciated. Not feeling appreciated, outside of infidelity, is the single biggest complaints seen in unhealthy marriages. People who feel appreciated do not have broken marriages and it is critical to practice daily appreciation with your partner to maintain a healthy relationship. The number one recommendation that Leslyn offers to her couples is that they must have something as a couple to look forward to. This can be a vacation, a project around the house, a weekend away, or even a dinner date night. Couples should find something that they are jointly looking forward to, this can unite the couple to a similar vision of the future. Checking in and making sure you are on the same page with regularity also relates to the last point as being united to a future goal is important. It’s important to connect and check in to make sure that you are on the same page on a regular basis to maintain a healthy, happy relationship. The next way that helps maintain a healthy relationship is to always be invested in sharing at least one interest. As life goes on, it may not even seem obvious when an interest is no longer shared. When this happens, it is important to recognize when an interest has completely diverged, and course correct by reconnecting with another shared interest. Checking in with each other also shows up physically, where Leslyn believes things such as cuddling or checking in, in a similar manner is important to maintaining a happy marriage. Scheduling relationship maintenance time is also crucial to a healthy relationship. This can be in the form of date nights, a weekend away, or checking in with a marriage counselor or coach. Leslyn suggests that this must be on your calendar with a plan in place, a budget to follow, and completion of the time together. Having your partners back and showing loyalty benefit the couple immensely as well as forgiving often when it comes to mistakes. It’s important to remember that accidents and mistakes happen once, but when it repeats that action becomes a choice and now is a problem in the relationship. The last point to maintaining a healthy relationship is to let things go. Bringing up old stuff in the relationship will never amount to moving forward in the relationship. This week’s try this at home is to check in with your relationship to take part in a relationship tune-up. To have a healthy relationship, you communicate well, appreciate each other, have something to look forward to, regularly check in, share interests, cuddle often, have date nights, stay loyal, forgive, and let things go. When you are able to accomplish these things in your relationship, that is when it becomes a magic marriage. Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home! Next Week’s Episode: Year End Review One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help! We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful. Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com Links to Look At: Last Week’s Try This at Home Episode: The Death of a Relationship [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2020/10/13/the-death-of-a-relationship] Try This at Home’s Episode 12: Communication Styles [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/16/communication-styles] Try This at Home’s Episode 13: 8 Rules for Better Communication [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/21/8-rules-for-better-communication] Try This at Home’s Episode 14: Getting Defensive – Part 1 [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/25/getting-defensive-part-1] Try This at Home’s Episode 15: Getting Defensive – Part 2 [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/4/25/getting-defensive-part-2] Try This at Home’s Episode 16: How to Win Fights [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/5/8/how-to-win-fights] Try This at Home’s Episode 17: Communication Pitfalls [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/5/8/communication-pitfalls] Try This at Home’s Episode 19: Listening Like a Champ [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/podcasts-1/2019/6/3/19-listening-like-a-champ] Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms! TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn [https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn] Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1 [https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q]

In recent TikTok Lives, Leslyn consistently gets the questions ‘how do we find a good therapist’ and ‘can I work with you’. While it is certainly important to find a good therapist, there is a difference between the needs and what professional you should be searching for. Therapists help clients work through their specific issues and often clients go in knowing some of the areas that need to be worked on. While life coaches usually help their clients stay on track with their goals and can be beneficial for continual growth. To determine what professional would be most beneficial, it’s important to understand that there are all kinds of different therapists. Therapy is often called psychotherapy, counseling, or just therapy. Counseling is conducted by someone who is a highly trained and skilled healthcare professional. This healthcare professional receives training in diagnoses, problematic beliefs, behaviors, relationships, feelings, and sometimes even physiological responses. Many of these topics can be paused or triggered by past issues and self-destructive habits making therapy the place to dig under your current emotional spectrum to discover why the problems are there and how to repair them. All types of psychological counseling will be regulated by the state in which you live with most states giving licensure to healthcare professionals. Most often you need at least a master’s degree in a counseling related field this can be degrees such as mental health counseling, social work, marriage and family therapy, or psychology. During and after receiving a graduate degree, a specific number of clinical hours are needed depending on your state this could be anywhere from 2000 to 4000 clinical hours. If a professional has a PhD level often they will have a research and academic focus while PSYD, or doctorate in psychology, will be more clinically oriented. Other types of therapists can be LCSWs, LCPCs, or LPCs. A LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker, LCPC is a licensed clinical professional counselor, and an LPC is a licensed professional counselor. It’s important to really understand that a therapist, psychotherapist, or a mental health counselor who hold a license are highly trained medical professionals with clinical experience. When looking for a therapist, you may come across licensed and non-licensed counselors. A licensed counselor must be stated. If not licensed, anyone can take the title of counselor without even having the education required for licensure. Leslyn urges that if you are seeking counseling/psychotherapy to check out your state board licenses and confirm that the person you are speaking to is licensed in your state. When it comes to life coaches there is not a requirement to begin working as a life coach but Leslie and Leslyn offer a few tips on how to find a good coach. There are life coach programs that award certifications and Leslie think that a good coach would take the steps to go through some program or at least be seriously interested in educating themselves in coaching. Leslyn shares that if you can afford it, seeing someone who is a therapist and a life coach can be beneficial. All therapists can be life coaches as they are trained in the topics but not all life coaches can be therapists. A good life coach will recommend their clients to a specialist if a serious mental health issue is uncovered to consider psychotherapy options. When choosing the right therapist or coach, choose someone based on referrals or after researching and seeing their presence on the Internet. If your coach or therapist, does not have a presence online, reach out and ask for a free consultation. In this consultation you will want to be face-to-face (in-person, or virtually) as you need to establish a connection. Leslie brings a tip when starting therapy that you have to be prepared for some hard truths as sometimes what is most helpful is not the thing that you want to hear. This week’s Try This at Home is to make a mental note that if you are looking to uncover and recover seek a therapist but if you are looking to discover seek a life coach! Subscribe to this channel for new podcasts EVERY WEDNESDAY and Try This at Home! Next Week’s Episode: Books that Changed Us. One of our goals this year is to grow the podcast audience and you can help! We would truly appreciate a share or a shout out if you found the ideas here helpful. Don’t forget, you can always touch base with us personally on our Facebook, Instagram, and our website trythisathomepodcast.com Links to Look At: Psychologist License Lookup State by State [https://www.psychologytoday.com] Can’t Get Enough? Follow us on our other platforms! TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn [https://www.tiktok.com/@thisisleslyn] Twitter: https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1 [https://twitter.com/TryThisAtHomeP1] Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXg2RODfYz2Rrc8tUO0ti5Q] Listen to the Podcast at https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/ [https://www.trythisathomepodcast.com/] or on iTunes, Spotify, and Sticher!