Shidduch-University by Adai Ad

Getting Mature Singles to the Chuppah [with Frannie Teitelbaum]

Devora Krasnianski speaks with Frannie Teitelbaum, LCSW who has helped many older singles through the shidduch journey to successful marriage. Frannie identified some challenges that the singles are having and some better ways to approach dating for marriage. We also spoke about how there isn’t anything wrong with someone who is older and not yet married, and how to support them in their shidduch journey with respect and concern. -- https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u⁠ ⁠ [https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u⁠ ⁠ ] info@adaiad.org⁠ [ info@adaiad.org⁠ ] https://www.maskparents.org⁠ [https://www.maskparents.org⁠ ] (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Frannie Teitelbaum, LCSW Call: 917-494-4993 [tel: +19174944993] -- 06:25 Why are there so many people who are not yet married 10:17 The shidduch system is broken 15:15 The expectations that people have make dating more difficult 17:57 If you want to get married, you’ll get married 18:13 Separate wants and needs 19:27 Get to know yourself 21:01 Some good things about getting married when older 27:37 Marrying someone who is not as emotionally evolved as you 34:17 What are wants and what are needs 38:20 Putting ‘externals’ on the list of wants or needs 42:52 How to support an older single 45:20 What the community can do 47:23 How money/income is impacting shidduchim 51:44 Q: Should woman be advised to downplay her intelligence or financial success 57:07 Don’t hide aspects of yourself when dating 59:25 The daters set the tone of what kind of person they’ll attract 1:00:42 Character is the most important thing to look for 1:01:22 Wrap up

Setting up your marriage for success [with Penina Flug, LCSW]

Devora Krasnianski speaks with Penina Flug, LCSW who delves into the topic of setting up the marriage for success with Penina Flug, LCSW. Penina is passionate about helping young couples set up for success from their dating experiences and also importantly through premarital and early marital education. In this conversation, we spoke about how to date for a successful marriage, the mindsets to have and the conversations and experiences to have while dating. -- Adai Ad: https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u⁠ ⁠ [https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u⁠ ⁠ ] info@adaiad.org⁠ [ info@adaiad.org⁠ ] To reach MASK: www.maskparents.org [www.maskparents.org] ⁠ (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Penina Flug, LCSW Website: https://peninafluglcsw.com/ [https://peninafluglcsw.com/] -- Episodes mentioned in the talk: Marriage Readiness series: https://adaiad.org/shidduch-u/marriage-ready-episodes/ [https://adaiad.org/shidduch-u/marriage-ready-episodes/] - 3:57 The power of pre-marital education 5:04 What should be the focus in the dating process 7:04 The importance of having support and guidance through dating 10:27 What's a healthy relationship? ABCs? Acceptance, belonging, comfort and safety 13:17 What to do when there are concerns or doubts about the shidduch 15:28 Take care of issues before starting shidduchim 16:19 Anxiety during engagement 19:02 Talk about marriage when dating 20:41 Spending time with each other’s families when dating 22:05 Sharing difficult topics on a date 24:00 Things we wish people knew before they got married 29:13 Have some disagreements when dating (emotional safety) 30:59 Talk about premarital education and getting support 32:19 Should someone discuss concerns with their parents 35:09 Premarital education should be standard 37:49 Topics that some daters don’t talk about 42:04 Working with a dating coach 46:58 Final thoughts 48:29 Q: Should I share about previous relationships while dating? 51:13 Wrap Up

Overcoming Dating Anxiety [with Prof. Naomi Klapper]

Devora Krasnianski speaks with Prof. Naomi Klapper who delves into the reasons behind people's anxiety when dating and how it impacts their dating. Prof. Klapper describes that heightened anxiety diminishes the attachment hormones that bring people closer together. Furthermore, anxiety impairs our cognitive abilities, making it difficult for us to be fully present in a relationship or make important decisions. Therefore, it is crucial to address anxiety in order to foster meaningful relationships. During the discussion, Professor Klapper also shared some effective strategies for managing anxiety. This episode is significant for all individuals who are dating, even if they do not experience severe anxiety. https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u [https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u] info@adaiad.org [info@adaiad.org] https://www.maskparents.org [https://www.maskparents.org]  (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Prof Naomi Klapper Website: https://www.klappertherapy.com [https://www.klappertherapy.com] Email: naomi.klapper@gmail.com [naomi.klapper@gmail.com] -- 4:08 What is dating anxiety? 8:07 Anxiety shuts down attraction hormones 11:09 Anxiety highlights every little flaw 13:25 Some anxiety is normal, even useful 14:30 Why is someone anxious only when comes to dating 25:52 Ways that some anxiety can be good for dating 30:50 At what point should someone seek professional help for their anxiety 35:32 How sharing vulnerabilities deepens relationships 38:52 Make relationship-based decisions 40:27 Tools to address anxiety – even before dating. 56:53 Relationship OCD 1:02:22 Q: Anxious about talking about money 1:12:29 It is important to be able to communicate about tough topics 1:15:25 Q: Anxious because was rejected 1:22:12 Wrap Up

Making your 'lists' and checking the boxes [with Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier]

Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad speaks with Rabbi Ben Tzion Shafier about lists and checklists. Do those lists help us in Shidduchim or do they complicate things? Do we really know what we really need in a spouse? How to know if the one you are dating is really your bashert? Rabbi Shafier talks about the paper test and the bashert test. We also spoke about the importance of knowing what marriage is about before dating. We unpack all that in this conversation. - https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u [https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u] (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Rabbi Shafier Website: https://theshmuz.com /0:03:06 Creating a shidduch ‘list’ 0:06:35 How to ‘know’ if this is the one (paper test & bashert test) 0:09:59 Using a list as a filtering system 0:10:48 Going out until you get clarity about yes or no 0:13:27 If you’ve never been married, how do you know what you need 0:15:32 Making sure your values are aligned 0:17:02 Checklists mess up shidduchim 0:18:18 Do people pass up on their bashert? 0:22:55 If you notice red flags 0:25:56 Infatuation vs love 0:29:35 Where do feelings come into the decision 0:32:18 Importance of honest sharing during dating 0:35:20 What conversations to have when dating 0:37:57 Have a good understanding of what marriage is before dating 0:40:02 Marriage is an institution, but it's not a hospital 0:43:36 Marriage is taking a leap of faith 0:45:29 About the book 0:48:39 A metaphor about dating for marriage 0:50:45 Wrap up

How do I know this is the 'one'? [with Mayer Zuckerman, LCSW]

Devora Krasnianski speaks with Mayer Zuckerman, LCSW, a licensed therapist with lots of experience working with young people in dating and relationships. We spoke about is it is possible to really know that this is the one. We also spoke about what aspects should be similar and where differences can work. And how to make the big decision. We unpack all that in this conversation. - https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u [https://www.adaiad.org/shidduch-u] https://www.maskparents.org/ [https://www.maskparents.org/] (This series is funded by a grant from the New York City DOVE initiative recommended by Council Member Rita Joseph) -- To reach Mayer Zuckerman Email: mayer@mayerzuckermanlcsw.com [ mayer@mayerzuckermanlcsw.com] 3:58 Can we ever really know this is the ‘one’? 7:25 Commitment to the one you chose 9:42 What really lasts throughout the length of the marriage 14:29 Values should be compatible 21:58 Importance of self-awareness for dating 24:57 Who to talk to when dating 33:31 Only the ones dating should make the decision about marriage 36:03 Don’t withhold important information 44:44 Q: I generally have a hard time making decisions 51:15 Q: We’re good on paper, but I’m not feeling it 1:00:07 Inspiration for those struggling in shidduchim 1:03:19 Wrap up