Talk To Tony

From Pastor to Doubter: How He Lost His Faith & Found His Soul

For the very first episode of Talk to Tony, Tony Russell sits down with former megachurch pastor Ryan Meeks—once named one of America’s most influential pastors—to talk about what happens when the person leading others’ faith begins losing their own. Ryan helped build EastLake Church near Seattle into one of the fastest-growing churches in the country, then walked through a dark night of the soul that upended everything: certainty, Scripture, church growth, and identity. This honest conversation covers dissociation and doubt, Bible canon and plausibility, LGBTQ+ inclusion, the “business” of church, hell and hope, and how a cancer diagnosis reframed what actually matters. Ryan shares why he no longer fits cleanly as “theist” or “atheist,” why “God’s plan” language can harm, and why love and presence—here and now—might be the point. Ryan’s forthcoming book: Life Is a Gift and Love Is the Point: How I Lost My Faith, Killed My Church, Saved My Life, and Found My Soul (out in November). If this episode resonates, please follow, rate, and share.