Modern Love

In honor of Mother’s Day this week, we revisit the story of one mom who went to extraordinary lengths to make sure her daughter always felt her love, even after she was gone.  Each time Genevieve Kingston reached a milestone — a birthday, her first period, high school graduation, she’d reach into the box her mom had packed for her and pull out the note and gift that went with that occasion. Her mom had known she was dying of cancer, so during Kingston’s childhood, she’d poured an incredible amount of care and creativity into the project. Today we hear Kingston’s essay [https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/28/style/modern-love-she-put-her-unspent-love-in-a-cardboard-box.html] about the discoveries the box held for her, from her first birthday without her mom at age 12, into her 30s.   We also hear a mother’s "Tiny Love Story" (a Modern Love essay in miniature) about trying to connect with her teenage son, and get his surprisingly thoughtful reaction. Listener Callout: How did your dad express his feelings? Tell us your story in a voice memo, and you might hear yourself in a future episode. For Father’s Day, the Modern Love team is looking at different ways dads show their feelings, and we want to know about a moment when your dad opened up to you. Where were you? What did he do or say? How did you react? Did it have a lasting impact on you? And if you’re a dad, how do you think about showing emotion or vulnerability when you’re with your kids? Is it something you do intentionally? Does it feel easy? Hard? The deadline is May 15. Submission instructions are here [https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/30/podcasts/dad-father-feelings-callout.html] How to submit a Modern Love Essay to the New York Times [https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html] How to submit a Tiny Love Story [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html?pgtype=Article&action=click&module=RelatedLinks] Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

It’s been almost a year since Miranda July released her hit novel, “All Fours.” The novel features a woman in her mid-40s who heads out on a solo road trip across the country, only to stop at a roadside motel 30 minutes from her home. She winds up staying there for three weeks, exploring and questioning what she actually wants and needs out of midlife, things she can’t really focus on when she’s busy being a wife, a mom and a working artist. In the motel, she redecorates the room, designs her days the way she wants to and gets in touch with her changing desires. In the past year, this book has become a touchstone for how our culture addresses women in perimenopause. It’s expanded beyond the page to a kind of movement. Soon after the book’s release, women started writing to July with their own stories. She started a Substack [https://mirandajuly.substack.com/] to keep those conversations going. People organized discussion groups all over the world called All Fours Group Chats. Hats were made. “All Fours” was shortlisted for the National Book Award, and it’s currently being adapted into a limited TV series. The paperback version of the novel will be released May 13. In this week’s episode of Modern Love, July talks about the anger and desire that shaped the writing of “All Fours.” And she reflects on why this novel is inspiring to some, and threatening to others, in this cultural moment.   Listener Callout: How did your dad express his feelings? Tell us your story in a voice memo, and you might hear yourself in a future episode. For Father’s Day, the Modern Love team is looking at different ways dads show their feelings, and we want to know about a moment when your dad opened up to you. Where were you? What did he do or say? How did you react? Did it have a lasting impact on you? And if you’re a dad, how do you think about showing emotion or vulnerability when you’re with your kids? Is it something you do intentionally? Does it feel easy? Hard? The deadline is May 15. Submission instructions are here [https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/30/podcasts/dad-father-feelings-callout.html]. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times [https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html]. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html?pgtype=Article&action=click&module=RelatedLinks]. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

KC Davis is a therapist and author known for her practical, empathetic advice on dealing with clutter, even when you are feeling like too much of a mess yourself to take care of the mess in your home. Her TikTok videos on the subject have been viewed millions of times. But lately, Davis has been talking and writing about our relationships not just to the objects in our lives, but to the people, too. In her new book, “Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship,” Davis tries to disentangle the popular understanding of boundaries, saying the concept is widely misunderstood. She offers a guide to forming and keeping boundaries that help readers better navigate their conflicts with other people. On this episode of “Modern Love," Davis tells us what she thinks we get wrong about boundaries and how we should be thinking about them instead. She reads the Modern Love essay “Is My Husband a Doormat? [https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/14/style/modern-love-my-husband-was-appalled-to-learn-that-he-was-a-doormat.html]” about a sudden argument between a couple 20 years into their relationship and talks about how boundaries can help defuse such situations. Davis also tells us how boundaries helped heal her own relationship with her father. The author of today’s featured essay, Lidija Hilje, has a new novel coming out in July called “Slanting Towards the Sea. [https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Slanting-Towards-the-Sea/Lidija-Hilje/9781668078679]“ For an upcoming episode about location sharing, the Modern Love team wants to hear your location-sharing story. Did something happen that made you regret sharing your location with someone? Was there a moment when you were thankful that you had? Where were you? What happened? How did your relationship change as a result? The deadline is May 1. Submission instructions are here [https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/14/podcasts/location-sharing-relationships-modern-love.html]. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times [https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html] Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html?pgtype=Article&action=click&module=RelatedLinks] Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

Mireille Silcoff recently wrote an article for The New York Times Magazine titled “Why Gen X Women Are Having the Best Sex [https://www.nytimes.com/2025/02/05/magazine/sex-gen-x-women.html].” At a time of life when many women describe feeling less visible and less desirable, Silcoff said, her life instead “exploded in a detonation of sex confetti.” On today’s episode, Silcoff shares the juicy back story to her popular article, from her coming of age in Montreal to the surprising sexual resurgence she experienced after her divorce. Silcoff reflects on what it feels like to be a highly sexual person in her early 50s and tells us how being part of Gen X is central to her newfound freedom. For an upcoming episode about location sharing, the Modern Love team wants to hear your location-sharing story. Did something happen that made you regret sharing your location with someone? Was there a moment when you were thankful that you had? Where were you? What happened? How did your relationship change as a result? The deadline is May 1. Submission instructions are here [https://www.nytimes.com/2025/04/14/podcasts/location-sharing-relationships-modern-love.html]. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times [https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html]. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html?pgtype=Article&action=click&module=RelatedLinks]. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.

As U.S. poet laureate, Ada Limón has had a far-reaching impact. She has visited readers and writers across the country, installed poems at majestic sites in national parks, and she even wrote a poem that’s engraved inside a NASA spacecraft on its way to Jupiter. Today on the show, though, our host Anna Martin talks with Limón about something more personal and intimate: What happens when writers fall hopelessly in love. She reads a Modern Love essay about a novelist whose debilitating crush on a poet gives her a bad case of writer’s block (before leaving her with a badly broken heart). Limón also tells Anna why feeling anger and grief when we’re despairing can be the path to feeling more alive, and she explains why a pair of old sweatpants belong in a love poem as much as bees and flowers do. Ada Limón’s recent book, “You Are Here: Poetry in the Natural World” can be found here [https://www.adalimon.net/you-are-here]. Lily King’s Modern Love essay, “An Empty Heart Is One That Can Be Filled” can be found here [https://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/22/fashion/an-empty-heart-is-one-that-can-be-filled.html]. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts [http://nytimes.com/podcasts] or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.