A Crisis of Faith: My Story

Be Not Afraid, Only Believe

This is not how I anticipated spending Christmas day! But I awoke from a nap with the most PRESSING feeling I had to get this done. My gift to my Savior this year is sharing my imperfect witness of Him. My witness of Him has changed with my trials, and I hope what I share reaches people like me who at times struggle to find hope and faith through enduring suffering. Merry Christmas my friends! You can find the text of this episode on my blog using this link: Be Not Afraid, Only Believe [https://ponderingofamothersheart.blogspot.com/2025/12/be-not-afraid-only-believe.html?]

Compensating Blessings

"I hadn’t heard the phrase, “compensating blessings” until this year while listening to a message given by Bishop Gerald Causse. His words were like salve to a stinging wound in my soul. Never had I heard God’s mercy described in such a way. Bishop Causse explained how “…when circumstances beyond our control prevent us from fulfilling the righteous desire of our hearts, the Lord will compensate in ways that allow us to receive His promised blessings.” He also quoted Elder Maxwell who taught, “God…takes into merciful account not only our desires and performance, but also the degrees of difficulty which our varied circumstances impose upon us.” The transcript of this episode can be found on my ⁠blog⁠ [https://ponderingofamothersheart.blogspot.com/]. Additionally, here are the links to resources I refer to: "Compensating Blessings" [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2025/04/44causse?lang=eng] by Bishop Gerald Causse⁠ [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2025/04/44causse?lang=eng] The widow's mite [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/mark/12?lang=eng&id=p42#p42] (Mark 12:41-44) Lehi's Vision [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/1-ne/8?lang=eng]⁠ (1 Nephi 8:21-23)

To Those Who Feel Weak

"To be honest, I’ve often felt ashamed with how weak I feel in this trial (admittedly I still battle with this at times). For years I wondered why I couldn’t be tougher, stronger—like the old Erica. Even when I was doing all I could to turn to God and follow Him, I still felt embarrassingly weak. I didn’t feel as capable as a mother, as a friend, in my church calling, in daily tasks, in my hobbies, in running my home, and in my spiritual well-being. Every part of me felt weak. EVERY PART. And it drove me mad. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand me." In this episode, I explore the argument that it is okay to feel weak, because God is strong. The transcript of this episode can be found on my blog [https://ponderingofamothersheart.blogspot.com/]. Additionally, here are the links to resources I refer to: "Abide in Me and I in You; Therefore, Walk with Me" [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/04/57bednar?lang=eng] Original Blog Post about weakness in 2017 [https://ponderingofamothersheart.blogspot.com/2017/09/it-is-okay-to-feel-weak.html] (written 2 months prior to my accident) Account of Christ visiting the America's [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/17?lang=eng] (3 Nephi 17)

When All Darkness Gathers In

Today marks 12 years since my 16-year-old brother Kj passed away. In honor of him, I feel it would be meaningful for me to share via podcast the article I wrote years ago entitled, “When All Darkness Gathers In.” [https://ponderingofamothersheart.blogspot.com/2017/04/when-all-darkness-gathers-in.html] I know it will bless me to have a recorded version of it, and I pray it can also help others who may be facing their own suffering. As I’ve mentioned before, ironically I wrote this blog post only 7 months before I fell down the stairs [https://ponderingofamothersheart.blogspot.com/2023/01/a-crisis-of-faith-my-story.html]. In hindsight, I see how the Lord was helping me to prepare for the upcoming darkest moments of my life. Published Article: LDSLiving [https://www.ldsliving.com/when-all-darkness-gathers-in/s/85210]

Finding the Way Forward

There are times in our lives when moving forward feels impossible. Many days I struggle with such feelings--especially since 2017. Thankfully, there are ways for all of us to overcome and rise above.