Boys & Men Online

Everything you wanted to know about pornography

We recently published a new commentary [https://aibm.org/commentary/its-time-for-a-real-conversation-about-porn/] and landscape scan [https://aibm.org/research/what-we-know-and-dont-know-about-pornography-and-boys-and-men/] at AIBM.org to kick off our work on pornography—an issue that’s widely discussed, but rarely examined with clear, evidence-based thinking. The average American boy first encounters pornography around age 12. By the time he graduates high school, he’s spent years consuming content that looks very different from what researchers have studied—or what most parents imagine. But the research hasn’t kept pace. And neither have parents, educators, policymakers, or funders. As a result, young people are navigating unprecedented, always-on access to sexually explicit content with very little guidance or honest conversation. In this episode, we bring together leading researchers to take stock of what we know, what we don’t, and where the field needs to go next. You can view a recording of the webinar below, or listen to the audio on our podcast feed [https://open.spotify.com/show/4YhUNDKo50QwyeXQUVScJD]. Researchers: If you are studying these questions and would like to be part of a research convening this summer, please contact David at david@aibm.org. And stay tuned as we’ll continue publishing more interviews with pornography researchers over the coming weeks and months. Finally, if you want a good laugh, here’s a clever public service announcement from New Zealand’s Keep It Real Online [https://www.keepitrealonline.govt.nz] initiative: This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.menonline.org [https://www.menonline.org?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Play Video Games With Your Kids

If you have boys in your life — whether you’re a parent, teacher, mentor, or coach — I think you’ll enjoy this week’s discussion with Kruti Kanojia of Healthy Gamer [https://www.healthygamer.gg] and Jim Festante of Health-e-Habits [https://www.health-e-habits.org]. We cover practical, realistic ways to help boys build a healthier relationship with games, social media, and the online world, including: * Shifting the focus from “how much screentime” to “what’s on the screen?” * How to show interest, not fear, in your boys’ digital experiences. * The core needs boys seek online: achievement, curiosity, escape, community, and identity. * How to build competing interests offline that meet those same core human needs: e.g. sports, museums, planning trips, clubs. * Online friends and communities are genuine support systems, often underrated, and sometimes even lifelines. * Why structure matters more than bans or time limits: Using shared family spaces (e.g., computers in one room) and norms like “headphones are earned.” * How to make parenting less tedious and more joyful. Jim and Kruti offer more wisdom and practical tips throughout our 30-minute discussion. Here’s a 5-minute clip: What did you think of the conversation, and what advice would you share? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.menonline.org [https://www.menonline.org?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Sports betting's future starts now

Sports betting in America is in a state of flux. The last twelve months have seen the rise of sports prediction market contracts, changes in betting options and gambling taxes, and the stubborn persistence of unlicensed operators. Between the possibility of new regulations, legislation, and ongoing lawsuits, the next twelve months may bring just as much change as the last twelve. What, exactly, is on the horizon for American sports betting?To explain what the next year has in store, we were joined by Brianne Doura-Schawohl (Campaign for Fairer Gambling), Chris Grove (Eilers & Krejcik Gaming), and Steve Ruddock [https://substack.com/profile/12422164-steve-ruddock] (Straight to the Point Consulting). We hope you enjoy, and let us know what you think with a comment or email. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.menonline.org [https://www.menonline.org?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

How boys & men seek and sustain social connection

The myth of male loneliness? Over the past few months, we’ve seen a useful correction to the discourse about the so-called male loneliness epidemic. My colleagues Isaac Bledsoe and Ben Smith found that social isolation has increased among both men and women [https://aibm.org/research/male-loneliness-and-isolation-what-the-data-shows/]. In most surveys, young women actually report slightly more loneliness than young men. Sam Pressler [https://substack.com/profile/4765293-sam-pressler] notes [https://connectivetissue.substack.com/p/not-all-men-are-in-crisis] that “the actual crisis of disconnection in America falls largely on the shoulders of men without college degrees.” The statistical explanation is straightforward: Americans without degrees are significantly less connected to friends and community than their college-educated peers, and the vast majority of Americans without degrees are men. Lakshya Jain [https://substack.com/profile/22610836-lakshya-jain] at The Argument [https://substack.com/profile/351373560-the-argument] found that while men are indeed experiencing loneliness and social isolation, it’s young women under 30 who may be suffering the most [https://www.theargumentmag.com/p/the-loneliness-crisis-isnt-just-male], despite hardly any coverage of a female loneliness crisis. Men and women both feel disconnected; the solutions may be different The lesson here isn’t to ignore male disconnection. We ought to address disconnection for everyone, but how we cultivate social connection for boys and men may differ from what works for girls and women. Kate Murphy [https://www.journalistkatemurphy.com/] is the author of the new book, Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony [https://bookshop.org/p/books/why-we-click-the-emerging-science-of-interpersonal-synchrony-kate-murphy/8ce4f793df6df10a?ean=9781250352453&next=t&next=t&affiliate=3214]. In this conversation, we discuss: * Why the “loneliness epidemic” should be reframed as a challenge of connectedness * How men and women tend to seek and sustain social connections differently * Why simply telling men to “be more vulnerable” won’t necessarily lead to more or better friendships * But removing earbuds at the gym just might * The positive and negative effects of technology on our social lives * What it would look like to build a pro-connection society In an upcoming post, we’ll share some ideas for addressing male disconnection specifically. We’d love to hear yours, too. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.menonline.org [https://www.menonline.org?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

The best-case scenario for AI companions

The social distancing, mask-wearing, and spike in screen time during COVID prompted fears [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/aug/08/the-grounds-been-ripped-from-under-them-mental-health-fears-for-the-children-of-the-pandemic] of a social and emotional recession for children and adolescents, who today say [https://www.nytimes.com/2025/03/20/learning/teenagers-on-how-covid-has-changed-them.html] they missed out on the formative milestones that build social skills and emotional resilience. In the years since, Pew surveys [https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2024/12/12/teens-social-media-and-technology-2024/] have consistently found that nearly half of U.S. teens report being online “almost constantly.” Mental health diagnoses have outpaced [https://www.counseling.org/publications/counseling-today-magazine/article-archive/article/legacy/a-closer-look-at-the-mental-health-provider-shortage#:~:text=Increased%20need%20for%20services%20and,receive%20the%20care%20they%20need.] the growth of service providers. And rates of loneliness and isolation [https://aibm.org/research/male-loneliness-and-isolation-what-the-data-shows/] have increased, especially for young people. More than a third of men say [https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/loneliness-in-america-2024] they do not feel meaningfully part of any group or community. When asked [https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/loneliness-in-america-2024] who or what they think contributes to loneliness in America, technology tops the list. Into that context comes a new kind of relationship: AI companions designed to provide emotionally-tailored support and simulate reciprocal relationships. According to a new report [https://aibm.org/commentary/synthetic-companions-real-risks-why-ai-painkillers-for-loneliness-need-evidence-before-scale/] we commissioned from behavioralist Dr Rupert Gill [https://substack.com/profile/344198845-dr-rupert-gill]: * Roughly three in four U.S. teens have used an AI companion * About half are now regular users * One in five say they spend as much or more time with AI companions as with human friends * Among top AI apps [https://aibm.org/commentary/synthetic-companions-real-risks-why-ai-painkillers-for-loneliness-need-evidence-before-scale/], a notable share are AI companions, not productivity apps Our new report explains what that shift means for boys and young men in particular, at a moment when friendship networks are thinning [https://aibm.org/research/male-loneliness-and-isolation-what-the-data-shows/], loneliness is widespread [https://news.gallup.com/poll/690788/younger-men-among-loneliest-west.aspx] and in-person emotional support is stretched [https://www.apa.org/monitor/2025/04-05/teen-social-emotional-support]. AI companions function less like digital assistants and more like digital painkillers, capable of providing relief from loneliness, but also of producing dependence and delaying the development of coping skills. I hope you enjoy this edited version of our Substack Live conversation in which we discuss: * The similarities between the emotional tactics of AI companions and romance scammers * The promise of AI companions to build up our social skills, confidence, and self-awareness * The risk of AI companions displacing our human relationships and financially exploiting our emotional vulnerability * The current market incentives — and a possible regulatory framework [https://www.menonline.org/p/an-fda-for-high-risk-apps] — to incentivize the design of AI companions for emotional wellbeing rather than dependency and displacement. I encourage you to read Rupert’s full commentary [https://aibm.org/commentary/synthetic-companions-real-risks-why-ai-painkillers-for-loneliness-need-evidence-before-scale/] on the AIBM website and the extended report [https://aibm.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Companions-FINAL.pdf] for further analysis of the evidence gaps to fill. Thanks to Jim Geschke [https://substack.com/profile/43837112-jim-geschke], Hunter [https://substack.com/profile/301253351-hunter], Matthew Allaire [https://substack.com/profile/127088532-matthew-allaire], and many others for tuning in live. As a reminder, you can subscribe to our podcast feed on Spotify [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/boys-men-online/id1859443027], Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/boys-men-online/id1859443027], or wherever you feed your queue. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.menonline.org [https://www.menonline.org?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]