Coach Mahr - Godspeed and Guideposts for Your Journey

Discipline is Not a Bad Word

We had a sign in the high school football locker room, “Discipline is not what I do to you, it is what I do for you”. As a high school football coach, an unexpected requirement of the job was to convince young men that discipline is not a bad word. Until that point in their life for most, discipline had become synonymous with punishment. When they hear the word discipline from a football coach, they envision endless wind sprints or up/downs. Even the dictionary definition paints that picture - the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience. Somewhere along the way, we turned discipline into a dirty word. We hear it and think punishment, restriction, or someone taking away our freedom. But what if discipline isn’t the enemy of freedom? What if it is actually the doorway to it? Discipline is really a positive exercise around choice that not only prevents negative consequences (that bad stuff like ‘time out’ as a 3-year-old or those dreaded wind sprints) but more importantly makes good stuff better and prepares us or our team for the challenges ahead. It is a good thing that grows us.  There is a conscious part of discipline, it is the mindfulness and awareness to self-regulate. Managing our own thoughts, feelings and actions – is the cornerstone of a successful life. If we are an effective manager of ourselves, our discipline comes from within. Most people can prioritize and even organize around their priorities, however many lack the discipline to choose and execute according to their priorities. When discipline is imposed from the outside (a coach, parent, manager) it will eventually wane and dissipate when there is no desire to match from within. Making better mental choices (accountable choices) requires mental discipline. Mental discipline is essential to the process of winning, especially in times of uncertainty (change). Mental discipline is key to finishing what we start. Discipline to not eat the second piece of cake; to exercise no matter what the weather; to say I am sorry or to bite my tongue (so I will not have to say sorry later); to call my mom once a week; to not engage in negative office small talk; to manage my time effectively and so on.  Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments; discipline takes us from wishing for success to achieving it. We cannot just talk our way to success; we need to discipline ourselves with action to make it happen. It was interesting to learn that the original Greek word used for discipline is also where we get the English word gymnasium. Training, practice, discipline - all are required for success in sports, work and in life. I am a big proponent of showing up early. Being early reveals integrity and self-discipline, it shows respect for others, it assures us we are ready to be at our best when called, it shows we are dependable. There is the concept of “Lombardi time.” Vince Lombardi, the Hall of Fame Green Bay Packer Head Coach, always taught his players and coaching staff they should arrive fifteen minutes early for a meeting or an appointment. Many former Green Bay players and coaching assistants claim that “Lombardi Time” taught them discipline and helped them to appreciate how the value of time. As a subtle nod to Lombardi’s expectations, the Packers organization honored their legendary coach and paid tribute to “Lombardi Time” by setting their clock outside of Lambeau Field fifteen minutes early. Cadence be it with prayer, exercising, our work routine –can build discipline and sets the pace for life.  Consistency is the quality of being logical, consistent, and sound; there is unity, and clarity between the vision and mission, roles and goals, priority and a plan, and desires and discipline. It is a unified whole. Being dependable means putting work in every day. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they laid bricks every hour. Patience and discipline are required virtues to grow something great. Ignoring any of the minor details till the due date, then expecting to collect a reward, is foolish. An unexamined or unmaintained field soon becomes unusable due to weeds. Small undisciplined decisions rarely destroy us overnight. They slowly drift us off course. Direction not intention determines destination; discipline not desire determines destiny. Aesop’s fable of the ant versus the grasshopper is centered on discipline. The ant is symbolic of discipline. Diligent in its approach to life – storing food for winter, working as part of a colony and supporting others. While the grasshopper is carefree and overly individualistic, lacking in discipline. Note that being obedient is not the same as being disciplined. Obedience is following the rules, meeting deadlines and checking the boxes that we did what we were supposed to do (being competent). Discipline is more than following rules, it is about doing the right thing (there is no rule that says if we used the last of the toilet paper, put on a new roll), about living a code of accountability to exceed expectations and being “excellent”. Modeling a disciplined life is far more effective than correcting disobedience. Honoring our word each and every day is discipline mentoring in its simplest form. Any individual can dole out the punishment form of discipline, especially from a ‘leadership’ position. However true leaders strive to provide understanding and to actively help deal with the larger issue that resulted in the mistake.  John Wooden said that ‘effective discipline’ has two elements: it does not antagonize and it does influence. It is very difficult to antagonize and influence or teach at the same time. ‘Making a difference’ is a continual long-term disciplined effort that requires work and sacrifice; ‘making a scene’ is easy and convenient. I did a blog on how today too many people are concerned with making a scene and not focused on making a difference. Society often lacks the resolve and patience to follow up with consistent disciplined action, because it is hard and takes time. The words ‘discipline’ and ‘disciple’ share the same Latin root word for ‘pupil’. The concept is that we surrender ourselves to something or someone, similar to an athlete surrendering his will to a coach or a student to her teacher. As disciples our surrender is to God and His wisdom. Every disciple of Christ must practice discipline as we “train ourselves to be godly” (1 Timothy 4:7).  Proverbs of Solomon is written for us to gain discipline for wise conflict management “for gaining wisdom and instruction; for understanding words of insight; for receiving instruction in prudent behavior, doing what is right and just and fair” (Prov. 1:2-3). Solomon also said that we should love discipline “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid.” (Prov. 12:1). Also referencing back to Aesop and the Ant, “Go to the ant, O sluggard, Observe her ways and be wise, which, having no chief, officer or ruler, prepares her food in the summer and gathers her provision in the harvest.” (Prov. 6:6-8).  Spiritual growth knows no shortcuts; it too requires effort and hard work. No quick fixes or hacks will allow us to skip the difficult steps.  At the end of the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 7:24-27), Jesus contrasts the lives of those who exercise discipline and expend spiritual energy to grow in faith to those taking the easier way. Busting up rock and digging a deep foundation to build a house on solid rock is hard work. Building a house on sand is a spiritual hack doomed to fail. St. Augustine preached that availing ourselves of the disciplines and rituals of the Church are channels for receiving God’s grace, they are not avenues of performing for God. Whether cheating on an exam, at work, or on in life, we are not just cheating ourselves out of being more educated, more trusted; we are missing out on God's blessing. Diligent preparation and practice reduce the temptation to cheat. The risk in cheating can range from a failed exam, a speeding ticket, to the destruction of a marriage. Living a life that honors God requires hard work and discipline; but the reward of God's inheritance is immeasurable. In 2 Timothy 2, St. Paul’s reminds Timothy of soldiers, athletes, and farmers having incredible discipline and hard work to stay the course and produce an outcome. The soldier working within the boundaries of the hierarchy of command to win a battle; the athlete adhering to the rules of the game to win a race; the farmer working the soil, planting, and reaping a harvest. In each of these, quitting is not an option. Nobody applauds discipline in the moment. Yet everybody wants the harvest. Few people love the daily plowing, weeding, and watering. Discipline is ordinary faithfulness repeated long enough. Nobody accidentally becomes strong—physically, mentally, relationally, or spiritually. Discipline is not what life does to us. It is what God is trying to do for us.

Help of Thy Grace

“With the help of thy grace” – we say it often or at least we should as it is in the Act of Contrition. "I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin." Interestingly, the phrase “firmly resolve” means having a strong, unwavering determination, commitment, or fixed purpose to do something. It indicates a person has made a firm, final decision and is committed to acting on it, often despite obstacles, doubts, or difficulties. Yet the prayer adds – “with the help of Thy grace.” Despite us making a firm and final commitment to act even in the presence of obstacles, doubts, or difficulties – we need God's assistance. We always have at the “ready” God's assistance to avoid temptation, to prevent missteps, to overcome sins. Yet too often we choose to rely solely on personal willpower. Most of us, especially men, go through life like everything depends on us. We act like God’s up there watching while we hustle down here. However, our job isn’t to be the source of strength. It’s to be a conduit. A channel. A servant. Our strength is borrowed. Stop asking, “What can I do for God?” and start asking, “What is God doing in me and through me right now?” What am I allowing him to do? And “Where am I taking control?” In a world where we are told to “make our mark,” we need to flip the script. We are not self-made. We are not the source. However, we fear that dependence is weakness. But with God, dependence is the gateway to power. Real power. Power not fueled by ego or performance—but by love. This demands trust, Surrender. We are not removing effort—we are redefining where the power comes from.  Christ’s yoke is easy (Matthew 11:30) but the way is hard (Matthew 7:14). Are these contradictory metaphors from the book of Matthew? No. We are carrying light burdens on a hard path. Why? We are yoked directly alongside Jesus. It is a shared burden where Jesus carries the heavy load along the hard path. Paraclete – Para – along side (where we get the word parallel) and clete – “called” – the Greek meaning is “summoned, called to one’s side.” Paraclete is also a legal term and in effect means someone called alongside to help, defend, or console. The original meaning is more akin to a legal counselor, especially in the context of enduring trials. We can think about it like a divine defense attorney. The Holy Spirit is on our side, not to convict us (that’s the role of the accuser), but always to help us recall who we are. And to help us walk in the reality of who we are. The Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, brings and activates God's grace in our lives. Grace is God's unmerited favor and enabling power, the Holy Spirit is the divine agent who delivers that power, enabling us to do what we cannot achieve on our own. When we say “Let God do the Heavy lifting” it isn’t necessarily defined or limited to a major incident. It doesn’t have to be an immediate or instantaneous life-changing event. A subtle allowance to let God do the lifting, even in the smallest of ways, can set us on a new course/path. Ever so slightly we amend our path and that creates a new destination. Consider traveling a due east path around the world that leaves from New York City. Staying on this path, without deviation, will result in a return to New York City. However, if we adjust this path just one degree, we end up Montreal Canada – a different city, even a different country. The slightest change creates a new destination. Sometimes we grasp, grab, and hold on for dear life. Especially in moments of fear. However, His hands are infinitely bigger and stronger. Let Him hold us. St. Paul’s notes his reliance on God to provide in Philippians 4:13, “I have the strength for everything through HIM who empowers me.” We can do whatever He is calling us to if we walk with Him and rely on His strength, wisdom, and love to see us through. God wants to work with us. He wants to walk with us. He wants to carry the load. So why do we go solo and do it alone? We often start a project or a journey based on a calling. Then we get so caught up in the doing and literally take control to do it all on our own. We let the excitement of what God is doing envelop and carry us, that we don’t continue to reflect, pray, or discern with God about His direction. God led us to it and then we decided somewhere along the way to do it ourselves. We end up overwhelmed, consumed, maybe even confused or frustrated because things aren’t working. We need to pause and give it back to Him and ask for His direction. Allow Him to lift that weight from us. So how do we improve ourselves in this area and rely on God’s grace to lift us? Prayer – prayer and discernment make it present/top of mind.  St. Francis de Sales employed a simple three-step method for a "Direction of Intention" prayer, designed to sanctify the day by beginning tasks with – Ask, Offer, Accept -  1) Ask: Before beginning any task, Ask for God's grace to be present and to perform the action for His love, 2) Offer: Offer all our actions, both interior and exterior, to God, along with our heart. Give Him the honor/glory, and 3) Accept: Accept whatever outcomes, challenges, or sacrifices result from that time in advance – thy will be done. I have used this methodology in my life before business meetings and presentations, before critical conversations, before a Coach Mahr talk – and found great peace in it.  Choice & Intentionality – not that we choose against the use of God’s grace, we simply do not choose for it. Personal responsibility and the idea that inaction is still a deliberate, consequential decision. If we do not choose, we have ultimately chosen to let the situation be decided by other factors. Be intentional and choose to ask for God’s grace. And if we want to be more attuned to God’s grace, we should strive to emulate Him by exhibiting grace with others – our family, friends, co-workers, and our neighbor. “Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, as indeed you do.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). We still row the boat… but we stop pretending we can control the current. We have to do more than ask God to do the heavy lifting, we have to let Him. In the words of St. Bede - “open our sails let God steer us where He will.”

Polished by the Rub

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?” What if the very things that irritate us. The moments that frustrate us. The friction we feel. The disappointments we didn’t see coming. What if those are the exact tools God is using to refine us? We live in a culture that avoids discomfort at all costs. We numb it. We cancel it. We run from it. But Scripture tells us something radically different. “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” So maybe the question isn’t:“Why is this happening to me?” Maybe the better question is:“What is this doing in me?” A mirror that is never rubbed becomes distorted. Gold that never enters fire remains impure. A pearl exists only because of irritation. And yet — we’ve built a culture allergic to failure. We lower standards. Give trophies for participation. Remove suffering from the developmental process. Somewhere along the way, “trying” became and acceptable replacement for doing. Failure is not our enemy. Disappointment is not our ending. They are data points. We don’t grow without resistance. Why? Because suffering, correction, and failure are teachers. God wastes nothing. Not our failures. Not our wounds. Not our disappointments. Not even our scars. The rub is refining us.The fire is shaping us.The disappointment is revealing our heart. God doesn’t always rescue us from affliction — sometimes He saves us through it.  After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to the disciples — with scars. God raised Him from the dead… but He left the scars. Why? Scars are evidence. That we were wounded. That we healed. That we grew. Scars tell the story of redemption. They prove healing happened. They remind us of the price paid. Our scars matter — not because of the wound, but because of the healing. There is the adage that if a poisonous snake bites us, would we chase the snake or address the wound? The correct answer is to address the wound. We need to remove the source of the wound if it is still present, we need to clean and disinfect the wound site to prevent contamination. Today, too many of us want to chase the snake.  We may not control what happens to us. But we can choose not to be reduced by it. We are going to be rubbed.We are going to be tested. We are going to be disappointed.That’s not the exception. That’s the process. So don’t waste the rub. Let it polish us. Let it refine us. Let it redeem us. Because God is not done with our story yet. God is refining our character. Strengthening our faith. Preparing us for something greater. Ask ourselves a better question.“What is God trying to produce in me through this?”

One Heartbeat – The Power and Calling of Unity

Imagine sitting in a concert hall. The musicians are all there - talented, trained, accomplished. The violinists are ready. The brass section is polished. The percussionists are dialed in. But there’s no shared direction. Everyone starts playing their own piece. Individually, it might sound impressive. But together? It’s just noise. Now imagine the same group, same people, same instruments, but this time they are aligned. Operating off the same sheet of music. One direction. That’s the difference unity makes. Here’s the question: Are we playing our own songs… or are we part of something greater? Unity sounds great in theory—but in practice, it’s hard. Really hard to bring people together. Because the default setting of the human heart leans inward. We protect our turf. We defend our position. We have our ego. We prioritize our agenda. We form inner circles. We build our own power base. And if we are not careful, before long, we’re not building something together, we’re protecting something individually. There are hundreds of potential negative forces and factors that can sabotage unity and it only takes a few to accomplish the disruption. We see it everywhere. In marriages where “me” creeps ahead of “we.” In teams where cliques quietly divide the locker room. In companies where departments compete instead of collaborate. In churches where disagreement replaces compassion. In a nation where extremes pull harder and the middle sags. And there’s another danger that arises - when we start thinking unity requires sameness. But it doesn’t. Unity is not uniformity. Nor does it require assimilation. It’s harmony. Unity is not about losing who we are. It’s about aligning who we are with something greater. Think about marriage. Not two people disappearing. But two people become one in purpose. Or think about a football team. Different positions. Different skill sets. Different personalities. But one heartbeat. One Heartbeat is more than just a motto. To have one heartbeat, there must be a higher calling than being just a team.  Higher calling requires respect, compassion, brotherly love.  For a unified company there needs to be a strong corporate culture, a culture based on more than stated values and mission statements. It’s essential that all members of a team or company are moving with a shared vision, focus, purpose and direction. When it works, it’s powerful. No hidden agendas. No divided loyalty. Just a shared mission. There is a need for diversity in unity.  The human body is the perfect model. Different parts. Different functions. All essential. Unity isn’t weakened by diversity—it’s strengthened by it. Diverse perspectives allow people to learn from each other, to understand each other, be corrected by each other, and form a community to live in peace with each other. Being “additive” does not destroy objects in the current blend, nor does it destroy that which is being combined.  Variety gives richness to our existence. We integrate the best of what each has to offer. “We the people” are the ones striving for a more perfect union. The well-being of a community, a nation, a society is a result of the choices and actions of mankind working together.

Don't Follow - Join!

Are we living life as a follower… or as a participant? There’s a difference. To follow means to come behind, accept direction, comply with what someone else sets in motion. To join means something deeper. To connect. To unite. To become part of the mission. I was reminded of that distinction years ago when I heard Hall of Fame quarterback Jim Kelly speak at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes dinner. During his talk he shared his faith journey and the loss of his son Hunter. It was raw, powerful, and deeply personal speech. But the line that stuck with me most was when he said: “Don’t ask people just to follow. Ask them to join.” Jim Kelly explained that people often told him to follow Christ, but he already believed. The real shift came when he understood the invitation wasn’t simply to follow from a distance — it was to join Christ more deeply, to enter into relationship, commitment, and mission. Our problem is that much of modern life encourages us to be spectators. Think about social media. We literally “follow” people — celebrities, influencers, strangers we’ve never met. But as the great baseball player Jackie Robinson once said: “Life is not a spectator sport. If you're going to spend your whole life in the grandstand just watching what goes on, in my opinion you're wasting your life.” Following can easily become passive. I’ve seen this “passive following” with the high school football players I coached. A player can walk into the weight room, look at the workout written on the board, check the box, and say, “I followed the plan.” But only going through the motions doesn’t necessarily make one stronger and it certainly doesn’t make one a better teammate. I want the player who shows up and joins the workout mentally and physically. He pushes, focuses, engages with his teammates — and he improves. Same activity. Two completely different mindsets. Scripture challenges us to move beyond passive following. One example appears in Mark 10:17–22, the story of the Rich Young Ruler. This man had faithfully kept the commandments. In many ways he was a model believer — someone who followed the rules. But when Jesus asked him to sell his possessions and join the mission, the man walked away grieving.  Another example appears in the writings of the Apostle Paul. In Romans 15:30, St. Paul writes: “Now I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.” Notice the language. Not “watch me.” Not “follow from afar.” “Join me.” Paul understood that real faith is participatory. It’s relational. It’s shared struggle and shared purpose. Even the disciples eventually moved from followers to something more. The word disciple means learner or follower. But after Jesus’ resurrection they became apostles — which means “one who is sent.” Followers learn. Joiners go forth. There’s a phrase from my alma mater, Lafayette College: Cur Non. It’s Latin for “Why not?” The phrase comes from Marquis de Lafayette, the French nobleman who defied his king, bought his own ship, and crossed the Atlantic to join the American cause for freedom. He didn’t sit in France following the news and cheering from the sidelines. He joined the fight. Cur Non. In Luke 5, when Jesus calls Simon Peter, Peter experiences the miraculous catch of fish and suddenly realizes who Jesus truly is. In that moment he stops seeing Jesus merely as a teacher. He calls Him Lord. Peter didn’t stay in the boat as an observer. He joined the mission. Leadership expert John Maxwell uses a powerful analogy. A travel agent sells the trip. A tour guide goes on the journey with us. A travel agent points the way. A tour guide joins us along the path. Jesus is the ultimate tour guide. And the invitation of the Gospel isn’t just: “Follow from a distance.” It’s: “Come with Me.”