Conflict Owner's Manual

The hidden superpower of conflict competence 140

You're building conflict competencies to use in conflicts. But, these conflict skills actually apply every place you go, with everyone you meet, in every context and to every situation. While you practice conflict competencies for conflicts, you incidentally improve even your calm relationships, which is a secret bonus. What are those skills we call conflict competencies? Here's a partial conflict competence checklist, and there are more you can find in prior episodes. show notes: Partial list (in no particular order) of conflict competencies we’ve posted episodes about, include: clear communication,  perspective taking,  showing curiosity,  reframing,  staying nondefensive.  not jumping to conclusions,  testing your assumptions,  being aware of how your biases and your blind spots (we all have them) affect you,  recognizing the patterns that keep you stuck in conflict,  asking questions, not rushing to solve problems before you know the right problem to solve. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2411114/fan_mail/new] Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

How to make allies out of people who disagree with you #139

Are you finding it hard to be with people whose personalities and perspectives are different than yours? Maybe your inner conflict holds you back, and maybe difficult people create your conflict. We give you tips for thinking of difficult people as allies rather than as adversaries, because they're helping you improve your conflict skills. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2411114/fan_mail/new] Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Why you shouldn't have that hard conversation 138

Disagreements on divisive topics are everywhere now. Perhaps you've been told that you should have conversations that feel hard, uncomfortable, or awkward. But does every hard conversation need your input? What if you have valid reasons to not have that hard conversation? This conflict competence is knowing the value of engaging in hard conversations, and balancing that value with the wisdom of not engaging. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2411114/fan_mail/new] Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

Break the cycle of miscommunication 137

Have you ever had an experience where words are spoken but they aren't responded to? Words aren't always communication. Sometimes, exchanging words can even miscommunicate, like when everyone just repeats their position or talking points. Then, everyone feels disappointed they aren't understood.  When you feel like words are a waste of time, stop. Observe what's happening, and share your observation. Interpret the words out loud as if you are translating a foreign language. Acting as communication navigator is a conflict competency, and everyone benefits from your conflict competence. Send us a text. We love hearing from you. [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2411114/fan_mail/new] Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.

When they don't listen to your facts, do this instead 136

Even people you like can make you feel their opinions are attacking you. Sometimes, you have facts to back you up but they won't listen. You may not agree with what they say but you can't convince them that your facts are correct. Here are four alternative approaches so you can defend your position without getting defensive. When you understand them even if you don't agree with them, you're being conflict competent.  You can be skilled at conflict, unafraid of conflict, and competent to handle conflict, even if the other person in the conflict doesn't realize you are doing it.  show notes: episode 135: What to do when emotions keep you in a conflict? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0WqsOA1T0I&t=34s Send us a text. We love hearing from you. [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2411114/fan_mail/new] Dr. Deborah Sword is a conflict specialist with decades of experience and training to share. Please subscribe to our podcast, like it, share it, leave comments (we love comments), ask questions and suggest topics you'd like to hear. Thank you for listening.