Heart Work After Betrayal | Infidelity, Marriage, Forgiveness, Loneliness, Trust

42 | Forgiveness After Marriage Betrayal Is Not What You Think It Is | Continuing Q&A With A Therapist, Part 2

Have you been trying to forgive your husband after betrayal and wondering why it never seems to stick, maybe you say the words and mean them in the moment but the anger and the hurt keep coming back? Do you feel confused about what forgiveness actually means? Whether it means reconciling, whether it means pretending it did not happen, whether it means you have to trust him again before you are ready? Are you longing for the kind of freedom that people talk about on the other side of forgiveness but you have no idea how to actually get there? In this episode I am continuing my conversation from last week with a licensed marriage and family therapist and this time we are going straight to the heart of one of the most misunderstood concepts in the entire healing journey after betrayal: Forgiveness. We will discuss the following questions:  * What if you would view forgiveness as a shift of focus and responsibility? * What if forgiveness is the moment you stop asking back for something that can never be restored and take ownership of the loss yourself? * What does real forgiveness actually cost? * Why is forgiveness only possible after honest grief? * Why is connecting with yourself the essential first step? * What does moving forward truly look like? * What is the hope here you can cling to?  This is Part 2 of a two part conversation. If you have not listened to Episode 40 yet go back and start there first.  RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 🎙️Episode 40 - 7 Truths About Grieving After Betrayal [https://theheartwork.podbean.com/e/40-7-truths-about-grief-after-betrayal-and-what-can-get-in-the-way-an-honest-qa-with-a-therapist-part-1mp3/] —> That is the first part of this conversation, go back and listen to that one first! * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]  A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit]  CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]     DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

41 | Why the Gap Between What You Know and What You Feel About Forgiveness After Betrayal Is Actually Holy Ground And How Honesty Before God Changes Everything

Does your head tell you that you should forgive because you know that is what God wants while your heart is still carrying anger, fear, and hurt that just will not go away no matter how hard you try? Do you feel guilty for the gap between what you know theologically and where you actually are emotionally like a bad Christian because your feelings have not caught up with your faith yet? Have you been performing okayness before God, maybe you are bringing Him the version of yourself that has it together instead of the real, divided, struggling version that actually needs Him most? In this Monday Heart Check we are standing at a threshold moving from the grief series into the forgiveness conversation. And before Thursday's powerful episode with Rafael I want to give you something that I believe is the missing piece for so many women in this journey: The gap between what you know and what you feel is not failure. It is not a sign that something is wrong with you spiritually. It might actually be the most honest and holy place you have been in a long time. In this episode I am walking you through a guided reflection rooted in Scripture from David's cry for truth in the inward parts in Psalm 51, to Paul's commitment to a clear conscience in Acts 24, to Peter's call to keep a clear conscience even in suffering to help you understand what it actually means to be honest before God right where you are. And how that honesty instead of performance, pretending, or forcing your feelings to match your theology is the very thing that opens the door to real grief and real forgiveness. This is a short, quiet, contemplative episode. Find a still moment. Bring your honest heart. That is all you need.  RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 Psalm 51:6  "You desire truth in the inward parts"  * 📖 Acts 24:16  Paul: "I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man" * 📖 1 Peter 3:16 Peter "keeping a clear conscience" even in the middle of suffering and injustice * 📖 1 John 3:20 "if our hearts condemn us God is greater than our hearts and knows everything" * 🎙️ Episode 40  * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] — A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]

40 | 7 Truths About Grief After Betrayal And What Can Get in the Way | Q&A With a Therapist, Part 1

Have you been wondering if you are grieving the wrong way or not grieving enough, or too much, or in the wrong order and quietly judging yourself for how messy and unpredictable your healing has felt? Do you find yourself reaching for busyness, distraction, or anything that keeps the grief at a safe distance and then wondering why you still feel so stuck months or even years later? Have you ever asked yourself how long is this going to take and felt frustrated, ashamed, or hopeless when you could not find a satisfying answer? In this episode I am sitting down with a licensed marriage and family therapist who has been on this show before and together we are having one of the most honest, reframing, and practically helpful conversations about grief after betrayal that I think you will ever hear. We are covering 7 truths about grief after betrayal and what gets in the way of it including * why we avoid grief without even realizing it * what unprocessed grief actually does to us * why the word healthy might be making things harder not easier * what functional effective grief actually looks like in real life He also shares a perspective on grief that completely reframes the whole process not as something you endure but as something you actively participate in by identifying what your needs are first and then taking ownership over how to meet those needs. This is Part 1 of a two part conversation. Part 2 drops next Thursday where we continue the conversation and cover the connection between grief and forgiveness.   RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * Grief Series: Episodes 33-39  * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit]   CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]   DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

39 | Why Staying Busy After Marriage Betrayal Is Actually Keeping You Stuck, The Number One Thing I Did Instead

Are you sick of being ambushed by your emotions, triggered out of nowhere, overwhelmed in the middle of an ordinary moment, and wondering why you still cannot seem to get ahead of the grief? Have you been staying so busy, so distracted, so focused on everyone else that you have barely had a moment to sit alone with what you are actually feeling after the betrayal? Have you ever considered that what looks like coping on the outside might actually be avoidance and that the grief you have been postponing is quietly fueling the triggers that keep catching you off guard? In this Monday Heart Check we are wrapping up our grief series and before Thursday's special guest episode I want to give you one simple practice to prepare your heart for what you are about to hear. In this episode I am sharing a simple three step reflection practice called What Am I Reaching For? I encourage you to see honestly what you have been using to avoid the pain of betrayal and take your first step toward something different. Honesty gets you connected to reality. And nothing disconnected from reality will ever truly work. That is something we will learn more about on Thursday, as I just directly quoted the therapist I will have a conversation with on Thursday. This practice is your first step toward that honesty. RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] — A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit]  CONNECT WITH JULIA AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you are tired of carrying this alone — together we will work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

38 | What Grieving the Loss After Marriage Betrayal Looked Like For Me | The Real Way I Healed And You Can Too

Have you been wondering what grieving well after betrayal actually looks like in real life in the daily reality of being a wife and a mother and a woman who is trying to hold everything together while her heart is completely broken? Do you feel like you have been trying to heal but nothing is really moving like you are doing all the right things but there seems a deep disconnect?  Are you longing to hear from someone who has actually walked this road and come out the other side really and truly healed? In this episode I am setting the teaching aside and just talking to you, sharing what grieving the loss after my husband's betrayal actually looked like for me. The beach walks. The prayer journals. The first time I walked into a support group and cried because I finally felt safe. The photo albums I had to put away. The scheduled cry in the car with classical music playing. The raw, searching, honest prayers. Underneath all of those stories I am going to show you the three connections that I believe made healing not just possible but inevitable: connection with yourself, connection with God, and connection with others. This is what I know to be true: the only path through grief after betrayal is moving toward connection when everything in you is screaming to run away from it. RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED * 📖 the Psalms * 📖 Proverbs 4:23 "You are the keeper of your heart like a vineyard keeper", the throughline of this entire grief series * 📖 Renovation of the Heart by Dallas Willard: spiritual formation and the heart as the executive center of the self * 🎙️ Episodes 33-37, the “Grief Series”  * 💌 Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from Julia [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] * 🔜 Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist : [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle] A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal. Be the first to know when doors open! * ❓ Have a question or topic idea? Ask Julia here [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] CONNECT WITH ME AND NEXT STEPS Contact → hello@juliacarlton.com [hello@juliacarlton.com] Podcast → Heart Work After Betrayal on Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heart-work-after-betrayal-infidelity-marriage-forgiveness/id1868235071] Next Steps: Step 1: Sign up to receive weekly encouragement and practical support and be the first to know what's coming! → Subscribe to receive a weekly love note from me [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/i1a3o0798i] Step 2: Have a question for me or a topic you'd love for me to cover on the podcast? → Ask me a question [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nntyFkbmuSdesIGkibegjGGiU5kKnHkgJF00S36BrG0/edit] Step 3: Want more personal support? If you are tired of carrying this alone, together we will work on rebuilding clarity, learning to trust yourself again, and taking your next step with God, yourself, and your marriage. → Apply for a 1:1 Private Clarity Call with me [https://calendly.com/juliacarlton-book/60min] HEART WORK HEALING CIRCLE  **COMING SOON** A private healing community for women doing the hard holy work of rebuilding after betrayal in their marriage. Get your name on the waitlist, you will be the first to know when the doors open. → Join the Heart Work Healing Circle Waitlist [https://patient-field-98518.myflodesk.com/heartworkhealingcircle]   DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational and encouragement purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or counseling. If you are in crisis please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.