If You Would’ve Told Me

Love, Lemons & Robberies

This week we're talking fitness, birthday cake, creepy exes, and some of the wildest dating stories we've ever heard. Emily starts a new boot camp, Joe discovers the perfect birthday cake recommendation, and then things take a turn when a woman allegedly sends her ex over 1,800 lemons... leading to Canada's first psychological warfare case. We also share our own experiences with exes who couldn't let go, strange first dates, surprise gifts after breakups, apartment shrines, stalking stories, and a first date that somehow ended with an armed bank robbery. Dating is weird... but apparently it can always get weirder. 🎙 New episodes every week!

Accidentally Controversial

Joe is back from Atlantis with stories about dolphins, lazy rivers, snorkeling adventures, and resort prices that should probably require a second mortgage. Emily plans a series of "Mommy-Ava" getaways while both hosts discuss burgers, summer weight gain, terrible stage photos, and the struggle of watching yourself online. Then they dive into the viral podcast clip that sparked millions of views, thousands of comments, and more internet outrage than either expected. Finally, the episode ends with one of the strangest news stories ever featured on the show: a man who pulled a police car with his penis while on fire... all in the name of awareness.

Too Lazy for Felonies

Joe and Emily spiral through high school memories, TikTok trends, book obsessions, and whether a great ending can save a mediocre novel. They debate face tattoos in the workplace, mourn the death of Blockbuster nights, talk baldness and hair experiments, react to a man refusing to work because he “never asked to be born,” and somehow end up designing Joe’s dream Key West chicken tattoo while discussing RFK Jr. collecting raccoon anatomy on a family road trip. Just another normal episode.

Burned by Bubbles

In this episode, Joe and Emily react to being called “ableist” over their audiobook take—and try to figure out how the internet heard something they definitely didn’t say. From there, things spiral (as usual) into a heated debate about Central Jersey, pork roll etiquette, and why you should never try your first one at Wawa. Joe shares a wild stand-up story involving a heckler named “Bubbles” that escalates from crowd work… to threats… to tears. It’s one of those comedy nights that comics never forget—and raises real questions about safety on stage. Plus, they break down the Gen Z dating trend “shrecking,” attraction vs personality, and why banter might be the most important trait in a relationship. It’s chaotic, honest, and somehow still makes sense.

Cocaine Sharks & Crazy Ex Revenge

We dive into some of the most unhinged news stories we’ve ever covered. From a woman getting revenge on her ex by signing him up for 88 marathons, to the discovery of cocaine in sharks, to a Florida woman declaring herself the “Squirrel Queen”… yeah, this one goes off the rails fast. Along the way, we somehow get into the difference between men and women, why women might need more sleep, “girl words,” breakups, revenge, and why the best response might just be… doing nothing at all. It’s chaotic, it’s hilarious, and it might be our wildest episode yet.