Marriage iQ

Episode 136 - How People Pleasing Makes You Lose Yourself in Marriage : with Diane Mcdowell

At the beginning of a relationship, doing things for your spouse feels natural—even joyful. But what happens when it slowly turns into silencing your own needs, opinions, and desires? In this episode of Marriage IQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings sit down with therapist and coach Diane McDowell to explore how people pleasing can quietly erode your sense of self and create distance in your marriage. We discuss why so many spouses struggle to speak their truth, how resentment often begins with self-abandonment, and what it takes to reconnect with your own identity without damaging your relationship. You'll learn how to recognize when you've been shrinking yourself, why your brain may be working against you during difficult conversations, and practical tools for staying true to yourself while building greater intimacy with your spouse. If you've ever found yourself saying, "I don't even know what I want anymore," this episode is for you. 👉Here are links to the previous episodes mentioned in today’s show. * ⁠Episode 121 : Grief Almost Broke Us [https://open.spotify.com/episode/1sV3OatDY32ANfK9UWKTul?si=97e165bb61c145a6] * Episode 69 : How Meditation Improves Your Marriage (Backed by Science) [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6gqTeWCplfzgS5sYbJRlEH?si=f26375799fa847b6] 🔗Connect With Diane McDowell : ⁠emotionalsafetyco.com [https://www.emotionalsafetyco.com/] SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠]

Episode 135 - The Physical Reasons Sexual Intimacy Can Be Hard : with Kristen Damery

What if the thing hurting your intimacy isn't a marriage problem at all? Many couples struggle with desire, pain, and disconnection without realizing a hidden physical issue may be part of the cause. In this episode, Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings sit down with pelvic floor specialist Kristen Damery to explore the hidden physical factors that can affect desire, arousal, orgasm, confidence, pain during sex, and emotional connection in marriage. Kristen explains how pelvic floor dysfunction can impact intimacy throughout every stage of life—from newlywed struggles with painful intercourse, to postpartum recovery, bladder leakage, infertility-related stress, and the hormonal changes of perimenopause and menopause. She also discusses the role of the nervous system, trauma, communication, pelvic floor therapy, and why so many couples silently suffer from treatable physical issues that affect their sexual relationship. If intimacy has become more difficult, frustrating, painful, or confusing than it used to be, this conversation may uncover a hidden piece of the puzzle—and offer hope for a path forward. 🔗Connect With Kristen Damery : mylavalube.com [https://mylavalube.com/] ✨ LAVALUBE Exclusive Offer for Marriage iQ listeners: Use code IQ20 for 20% off 👉Here are links to the previous episodes mentioned in today’s show. * Episode 7 - Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love: Hormones & Connection [https://open.spotify.com/episode/5zFBq0CVT4WREjWZAmOE9Y?si=pYqrnjFEQOugmOL25xZTYw] * Episode 68 - How to Stop Overreacting in Your Marriage [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6y9JAPr6Tyw5xgU49Bx0ju?si=6327b19472304592] * Episode 69 - How Meditation Improves Your Marriage (Backed by Science) [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6gqTeWCplfzgS5sYbJRlEH?si=o6SCGkHdRLyROaVmVrYjgw] SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠]

Episode 134 - Why We Resent the People We Love Most

Why do we end up resenting the people we love most? Most resentment doesn’t begin with anger. It begins with hurt. Feeling unheard. Feeling unsupported. Feeling alone. Over time, those wounds can quietly grow into resentment, causing us to see our spouse not as a partner, but as an obstacle—or even an enemy. In this episode of Marriage iQ, Dr. Heidi and Dr. Scott Hastings explore how resentment develops, why it can feel so difficult to escape, and what it reveals about the unmet needs, expectations, and personal growth happening beneath the surface. You’ll discover: ✨ Why resentment is often a symptom, not the root problem ✨ How unresolved pain slowly erodes connection ✨The role expectations play in creating resentment ✨Why spouses can become scapegoats for deeper frustrations ✨Practical ways to interrupt resentment before it damages your relationship If you’ve ever felt distant, frustrated, misunderstood, or stuck in recurring conflict, this conversation will help you understand what’s really happening—and how to begin moving toward healing together. Subscribe to Marriage iQ for weekly insights to help you build stronger connection, deeper intimacy, and a more intentional marriage. 👉Here are links to the previous episodes mentioned in today’s show. * Episode 133 - The 3 Words That Stop Arguments [https://open.spotify.com/episode/628mZzD77BmewB71173YYW?si=_TVHcukbTBui_LtVmLlyww] * Episode 132 - The Marriage Advice We’d Give Ourselves 30 Years Ago [https://open.spotify.com/episode/75YaxUE5sgI93DzCG0pmgL?si=ca4a310f20134fcc] * Episode 122 - Turn Anger Into Power Without Damaging Your Marriage [https://open.spotify.com/episode/0ZgaU7QD7cWSGrvZuB7Y5g?si=49bf8e8411644a9a] * Episode 68 - How to Stop Overreacting in Your Marriage [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6y9JAPr6Tyw5xgU49Bx0ju?si=GIDhOktOTeSskGrHFrjr2A] * Episode 69 - How Meditation Improves Your Marriage (Backed by Science) [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6gqTeWCplfzgS5sYbJRlEH?si=Ap8Fv8E4Q1qIRuAk9f12HQ] SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠]

Episode 133 - The 3 Words That Stop Arguments : with Raffi Bilek

Have you ever had the same argument so many times that it feels almost watching reruns? In this episode of Marriage iQ, Drs. Heidi and Scott Hastings sit down with couples therapist and author Raffi Bilek to uncover the real reason so many couples stay stuck in the same painful communication patterns — and the simple shift that can change everything. We talk about:✨Why trying to “win” arguments backfires ✨The 3 words that instantly lower defensiveness ✨How healthy couples repair conflict ✨Why feeling understood matters more than being right ✨The difference between “exploration” and “resolution” conversations ✨How to stop repeating the same fights over and over If communication in your marriage has started feeling exhausting, tense, or repetitive, this episode will give you practical tools to reconnect, communicate, and repair in a healthier way. 🔗Connect With Raffi Bilek : www.thecommunicationbook.com [https://www.thecommunicationbook.com/] 📖 Grab your copy of Raffi Bilek's book right here : THE COUPLES COMMUNICATION HANDBOOK [https://a.co/d/czXaZLL] SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠]

Episode 132 - The Marriage Advice We’d Give Ourselves 30 Years Ago

Dr. Heidi and Scott Hastings celebrate 30 years of marriage by sharing the biggest lessons they’ve learned along the way—the good, the hard, and the surprisingly fun. From laughter and intimacy to conflict, agency, and learning to turn toward each other instead of away, this episode is an honest conversation about what actually helps a marriage grow stronger over time. They open up about difficult seasons, major life transitions, parenting differences, rebuilding through stress, and the intentional choices that helped their relationship not just survive, but deepen. You’ll hear: ✨Why laughter matters more than most couples realize ✨How intimacy can reconnect a struggling relationship ✨Why your differences can become relationship superpowers ✨The importance of agency, support, and shared growth ✨How “turning toward” each other changes everything Whether you’ve been married 30 days or 30 years, this episode will encourage you to create a relationship that keeps getting better with time. SOCIAL MEDIA 📸Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/marriage.iq?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=MXVnYWlpYnVtcmtvaQ==]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 🅵Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558652547411⁠⁠⁠]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ▶️YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@MarriageIQ/⁠⁠]