The Cabrera Lab Podcast

#121: Why “I’m Trying” Is Often a Cop-Out

Get 20% off any STSI course with code YODA20 — become a systems thinker today! In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University explore the difference between “trying” and “doing”—and why that distinction matters more than most people think. They unpack how words like “trying” or “I didn’t mean to” can function as subtle ways of avoiding reality, ownership, and feedback. Through examples from parenting, communication, goals, and relationships, they show how systems thinking helps us see the mental models underneath our language and behavior. The conversation also dives into listening, integrity, and the difference between reacting automatically and choosing your actions with awareness. If you want better communication, stronger ownership, and more alignment between what you say and what you do, this episode gives you a sharper way to think about it.

#120: You’re Already Thinking — Just Badly

Get 20% off any STSI course with code SYSTHINK20 — become a systems thinker today! In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University tackle three common misconceptions that stop people from becoming systems thinkers. They explore the difference between unconsciously using DSRP patterns and purposefully applying them with awareness, why more information does not automatically lead to better understanding, and how hidden “externalities” distort the way we make decisions. Through examples ranging from neuromarketing and AI to education, relationships, and organizational leadership, they show how people often miss the underlying structure and patterns driving outcomes. The conversation also dives into the Love Reality Loop, the limits of the “5 Ws,” and why failing to think structurally creates enormous hidden costs in time, energy, relationships, and decision-making. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by information, trapped in repeating patterns, or skeptical about whether systems thinking is worth the effort, this episode explains why learning to see structure may be one of the highest-leverage skills you can develop.

#119: You’re Not Responsible for Everyone’s Feelings

In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University explore one of the most difficult systems thinking challenges in relationships: understanding responsibility for our emotions. They unpack the dynamic between action and reaction, why emotional regulation creates agency and empowerment, and how faulty mental models can lead people to either take responsibility for everyone else’s feelings—or none of their own. Through ideas like “buttons,” emotional wounds, constructive vs. destructive conflict, and the Love Reality Loop, they show how awareness, communication, and metacognition transform the way we navigate relationships. They also explore why feedback from reality matters more than protecting your ego, how hubris blocks growth, and why the healthiest relationships are built on constructive conflict, honesty, and openness to changing your mental models. If you’ve ever struggled with conflict, emotional triggers, or feeling misunderstood in relationships, this episode offers a systems-level framework for understanding yourself—and others—more clearly.

#118: How to Think Clearly in a Crisis

Get 20% off any STSI course with code CRISIS20 — become a systems thinker today! In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University explore how to think through moments of crisis using systems thinking. They break down a critical first step—questioning whether something is truly a crisis or a product of inflated thinking—and show how unchecked mental models and worst-case assumptions can create unnecessary stress. Using the DSRP framework, they walk through how to set boundaries, break a crisis into parts, examine relationships, and take multiple perspectives to regain clarity and control. They also explore why slowing down is essential in complex and turbulent situations, how misjudging your level of agency can make things worse, and why aligning with reality—rather than reacting to imagined outcomes—is the key to navigating difficult moments effectively. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by a situation spiraling out of control, this episode gives you a practical, systems-level way to see it clearly and take action.

#117: The Psychology of Motivation, Emotion, and Thought

Get 20% off any STSI course with code STARTNOW20 — become a motivated systems thinker today! In this episode, Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera of Cornell University break down a powerful systems thinking model for understanding human behavior: the dynamic relationship between cognition (thinking), emotion (feeling), motivation (conation), and embodiment. They explore how these elements constantly interact in feedback loops—how thoughts shape emotions, how motivations frame what we see, and how emotional or motivational “debt” can quietly constrain our ability to think clearly. They also dive into one of the most overlooked drivers of behavior: motivation, and how what you’re truly motivated by (not what you say you are) shapes your decisions, actions, and outcomes. From intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation to self-awareness and behavioral alignment, this episode offers a practical way to analyze why you do what you do—and how to better align your thinking, feeling, and actions with the life you actually want. If you’ve ever wondered why your behavior doesn’t match your intentions, this episode gives you the systems-level lens to understand—and change it.