The Sandwich Generation Pod

Episode 5: The Loneliness of Caregiving with Jessica Kim of ianacare

Ever have one of those moments where you just want to scream a little? Caregiving can feel like that, especially when well-meaning people say things that completely miss the mark. Those small comments can add up, and before you know it, you’re carrying a kind of loneliness that’s hard to put into words. Whether you’re supporting a loved one through a terminal diagnosis, navigating aging, walking alongside someone at the end of life, or grieving after they’re gone, the “in-between” losses can feel overwhelming. Life keeps moving all around you, and somehow you’re expected to keep up. And if you’re a sandwiched caregiver? You might find yourself craving moments of joy in the middle of it all - only to be met with guilt (or even a little side-eye) when you actually have fun. Simple, right? In this episode of The Sandwich Generation Pod, Eliesa and Robyn sit down with Jessica Kim, founder of Ianacare [https://ianacare.com/] (“I Am Not Alone Care”). Jessica has spent most of her adult life as a caregiver while raising three kids, and she’s turned that experience into a mission to support others navigating the same challenges. Together, we talk about the loneliness of caregiving, finding connection, and giving yourself permission to hold both grief and joy at the same time. Because at the end of the day, you’re not alone—we’re in this together. Takeaways * Loneliness creeps in and can be all consuming when you’re a caregiver.  * The fork in the road: Do you need to leave your career to be a caregiver? * Our Mindset: How we reframe things is huge - we need to balance JOY in caregiving * The THREE day rule - how have you tended to your priorities over the course of three days?  * Kids + activities * Marriage * Friends * Wellness / gym * Work * Faith * How does full time caregiving effect our children? Do they see our stress as much as we feel it? * Culture Change: Lets not make others feel guilty while seeking JOY while they are GRIEVING * Ianacare: [https://ianacare.com/] How this company supports families and helps them with loneliness. Also: a HUGE Medicare GUIDE program [https://info.ianacare.com/guide?utm_campaign=23143814-Road%20to%201%2C000%20-%20Leads&utm_source=ianacare-site&utm_medium=caregiver-page&utm_content=website] for families with Alzheimer's! Links + Resources:  Ianacare Website [https://ianacare.com/] Follow Ianacare on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/ianacare/] Caring for someone with Dementia? See if you Qualify for the Medicare GUIDE Program [https://info.ianacare.com/guide?utm_campaign=23143814-Road%20to%201%2C000%20-%20Leads&utm_source=ianacare-site&utm_medium=caregiver-page&utm_content=website] - at NO cost to you! Chapters: 00:00 Intros and our Meet Cute with Jessica Kim 02:29 Jessica's Caregiving Story 22:30 Mindshift: Reframing Priorities in Caregiving 29:04 Impact of Caregiving on Children 38:07 Seeking Joy Amidst Grief 43:47 The Loneliness of Caregiving 47:23 How caregiving changes you 55:05 IANACare and a Medicare funded program for Caregivers 01:02:59 Engagement and Community Building 01:03:35 Outro

Episode 4: For anyone who has a ‘Difficult Parent’, this one’s for you! With Molly Darsow from Still Waters Mediation

Caregiving in the Sandwich Generation is already a full-contact sport. One minute you’re negotiating with a toddler over broccoli, the next your parents are on the phone… also negotiating, but with guilt trips and passive-aggressive commentary. Cool, cool, cool. So what’s the move when everyone needs something and someone’s being downright difficult? In this episode of The Sandwich Generation Pod, Robyn and Eliesa talk with family mediator Molly Darsow, owner of Still Waters Mediation [https://stillwatersmediation.com/]. (Yes—family mediator. Because sometimes families need a referee.) Molly shares expert advice on setting boundaries with parents, managing emotional triggers, and improving communication in challenging family dynamics.If you’ve ever thought “there has to be a better way to deal with this,” this one’s for you. If you’re caring for aging parents while raising kids, navigating sibling tension, or just trying not to lose your mind during one more “interesting” phone call—this episode will give you tools, validation, and maybe even a little laugh. Takeaways * We are born into family systems and when our parents age or pass away, those roles within the system are wildly disrupted.  * We always hold onto our inner child.  * When we’re family, we all know each other’s triggers - that never leaves us. * There might be a generational difference in how we talk about our emotions. * There is A LOT of vulnerability in aging.  * Shutting down bad behaviors is totally legit.  * It sounds annoying but acceptance, compassion and time are three of the best ways to handle a difficult parent. * Communication takes active practice on everyone’s part and Molly gives tips on doing this effectively. Chapters 00:00 Introduction with Molly Darsow of Still Waters Mediation 02:55 What is Mediation and why might I need it? 09:40 Managing Triggers and Emotional Responses 11:39 Strategies for Difficult Conversations 30:31 Establishing Boundaries with Parents 33:47 Acknowledging Loss and Change 38:49 The Driving Conversation - is anything more difficult than this? 48:18 What to do when a parent is guilting you? 58:07 Sibling Relationships and Triangulation 01:05:50 Managing Difficult Parents in Front of Children 01:11:11 Outro Links and Resources: Still Waters Mediation  [https://stillwatersmediation.com/] Care out Loud Conversation starter Cards [https://www.wecareoutloud.org/caregiver-conversations/]

Episode 3: Our husbands have thoughts: How to support your Spouse in the sandwich years? With Nick + EZ

What is it really like for the Spouses in The Sandwich Generation?! We know it’s emotional for us caregivers, but what is it like on the other side of a relationship? In this episode, Eliesa Johnson and Robyn Frank hand the mic over to their spouses, Nick and EZ, for a refreshingly honest (and occasionally hilarious) take on: * What actually irritates them (yes, we go there) * How to keep the spark alive when you're exhausted and emotionally tapped out * Raising kids while juggling everyone else’s needs *  And what support really looks like—beyond “just tell me what you need” Spoiler: Love is strong… but so are opinions about buying milk! If you’re in a relationship in the Sandwich Generation—whether you’re the caregiver or the one wondering how to help—this one’s for you. Because sometimes, laughter is the only thing keeping everyone sane. Takeaways * Everyone is in The Sandwich Generation together when you’re married but in different roles. * How can a spouse help with the overwhelm of being sandwiched? * When your spouse takes a back seat - and making them a priority again! * How are we raising the kids in the middle of it all? * Keeping the fire alive - intimacy and humor during tough times. * It takes a village - asking for help! Chapters 00:00 Reflections on Marriage: Expectations vs. Reality: Getting Married Later in Life and Entering The Sandwich Generation 10:20 When the caregiver is overwhelmed, what's a spouse to do? 18:53 Hormones are a big deal in The Sandwich Generation 30:18 When your spouse takes a back seat and making them a priority again 36:27 Arguments 39:27 So what do you really think of your in laws? 45:36 What about us? What does our aging look like? 48:01 Lets talk about the kids + grief 54:33 Making things easier for the spouse that is overwhelmed by caregiving 59:09 What makes our spouse sexy now in The Sandwich Generation? 01:05:36 Outro

Episode 2: Part 2: What EVERYONE needs to know about Medical Assistance for your aging parents! With Rachel Schromen of Schromen Law, LLC.

Welcome to Part 2 of our episode on Medical Assistance for Long Term Care in Minnesota. This is a HOT topic and one that deserved some extra time! In this episode, Robyn and Eliesa welcome back Rachel Schromen of Schromen Law, LLC [https://schromenlaw.com/] answers more questions and gives practical examples and tips on the strategy and process behind applying for Medical Assistance for Long Term Care. What’s a 5 year look back? What’s a spend down? What are Medical Assistant Divorces and why do they happen? There is so much great information in this episode! Hot Tip: Spend the money and hire an attorney - it’s worth the investment! We’re not here to sell, we are here to guide you through and hopefully shed some light on a subject that is fraught with financial and emotional loss.  **Please note that we are not offering specific legal advice - Use this advice to ask the questions in your states, with your attorneys.** Takeaways: * The benefits of Pre Planning for Long Term Care * The benefits of hiring an attorney to help - especially to flag for exemptions in MN that get missed a lot.  * Clarifying the terms:  5 year Look Back, Asset Reduction and Spenddown terminology * The cost of care in America is HIGH right now - we will all need long term planning and the earlier the better because you have options.  * Ongoing MA maintenance * Some real life examples of a medical assistance spenddown before annual renewals * Medical Assistance Divorces and why do they happen * What’s the most frequent question an attorney gets asked by families applying for Medical Assistance for long term care? Links and Resources: National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys [https://www.naela.org/] - a national resource to help connect you with Elder Law Attorneys around the country!  Schromen Law, LLC [https://schromenlaw.com/] - Learn more about Rachel’s practice and approach to Estate Planning and Elder Law. We know we’ll be making an appointment! 10 Questions to ask your Estate Planning Attorney [https://schromenlaw.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/10-Questions-to-Ask-Estate-Planning-Attorney.pdf] - A very cool document provided by Schromen Law, LLC that walks you through questions to ask while calling around for Estate Planning and Elder Law.  Minnesota Application for Medical Assistance for Long Term Care [https://edocs.dhs.state.mn.us/lfserver/public/DHS-3531-ENG] - if you’re interested in a DIY approach. A word of caution - these forms can seem deceivingly simple. We might recommend hiring a pro to help guide you.  Low Income Resources: Mid Minnesota Legal Aid [https://mylegalaid.org/] LawHelpMN.Org [http://lawhelpmn.org/]

Episode 2: Part 1: What happens when the money runs OUT? Medical Assistance for Long Term Care with Rachel Schromen of Schromen Law, LLC.

What happens when the money runs out? For many Americans, Medical Assistance for Long Term Care is an option that feels almost inevitable. But these were supposed to be ‘The Golden Years’, right? And now you’re telling me I have to live off of $120/month? WHAT?!? Where do you begin? There seem to be SO many rules and so much fine print -  and what is really provided?   In part one of this two-part episode, Eliesa shares her personal story with the hardships of navigating and applying for Medical Assistance for Long Term Care. We also welcome Rachel Schromen of Schromen Law, LLC [https://schromenlaw.com/] to be our expert in talking about the legalities of Medical Assistance for Long Term Care in Minnesota with real tips, real examples and real advice.  **Please note that we are not offering specific legal advice - Use this advice to ask the questions in your states, with your attorneys.** Takeaways: * Eliesa’s personal story - why is she so passionate about Medical assistance? * Lets clarify the terms: Medical Assistance for Long Term Care, Elder Waiver and Cadi Waiver * What is *actually covered in MN when you’re on Medical Assistance for Long Term Care? * The benefits of hiring an attorney for the pre-planning and application process.  * Setting Expectations for being on Medical Assistance for Long Term Care Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Rachel Schromen of Schromen Law 01:06 Eliesa’s Personal Story with Medical Assistance 12:38 Why do people go on Medical Assistance and who is it for? 13:56 Medical Assistance vs The Elderly Care Waiver vs the Cadi Waiver 17:42 What are the first steps in applying for Medical Assistance for Long Term Care? 23:55 Navigating county workers and application challenges 34:16 Financial Realities of Medical Assistance and Elderly Waiver 45:39 The importance of early planning 47:02 Outro Links and Resources: National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys [https://www.naela.org/] - a national resource to help connect you with Elder Law Attorneys around the country!  Schromen Law, LLC [https://schromenlaw.com/] - Learn more about Rachel’s practice and approach to Estate Planning and Elder Law. We know we’ll be making an appointment! 10 Questions to ask your Estate Planning Attorney [https://schromenlaw.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/10-Questions-to-Ask-Estate-Planning-Attorney.pdf] - A very cool document provided by Schromen Law, LLC that walks you through questions to ask while calling around for Estate Planning and Elder Law.  Minnesota Application for Medical Assistance for Long Term Care [https://edocs.dhs.state.mn.us/lfserver/public/DHS-3531-ENG] - if you’re interested in a DIY approach. A word of caution - these forms can seem deceivingly simple. We might recommend hiring a pro to help guide you.  Low Income Resources: Mid Minnesota Legal Aid [https://mylegalaid.org/] LawHelpMN.Org [http://lawhelpmn.org]