Growth Seat
Keywords:
growth, loneliness, ambition, personal development, self-improvement, self-growth, hustle, climbing, crowd, success
Summary:
In this episode of Chill and Chai, the hosts delve into the theme of growth, exploring the loneliness that often accompanies personal and professional development. They discuss the challenges of ambition, the contrast between climbing towards goals and following the crowd, and the grind that comes with striving for success. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and the need to embrace solitude in the growth journey, encouraging listeners to identify their feelings of loneliness and understand that it is a natural part of the process.
Takeaways:
Growth is often a lonely journey.
Personal growth requires self-reflection and solitude.
Ambition can lead to feelings of isolation.
It's important to identify the reasons behind feelings of loneliness.
The grind of pursuing goals can be isolating.
Not everyone will understand your vision or ambition.
It's okay to be different and not follow the crowd.
Success can feel lonely, especially when others don't share your drive.
Embrace the solitude of growth as a time for self-discovery.
You have one life to live, so pursue what makes you happy.
Sound Bites:
"Growth is lonely."
"It's about you."
"You got one life."
Chapters Markers:
00:00 Introduction to the Growth Seat
01:24 Loneliness in Growth
03:28 Personal Growth and Loneliness
05:38 Comfort Zones and Business Growth
08:02 The Climb vs. The Crowd
12:17 The Grind of Success
15:31 Downplaying Success to Fit In
19:14 Advice for the Lonely in Growth
22:17 Embracing Your Unique Journey
Transcript:
Chill (00:00)
Welcome to Chill and Chai, where real talk meets real purpose. Where two women balancing life, knocking out goals, and everything in between. Whether you're chasing your dreams after you're nine to five, or getting to the grind, grab your favorite cup and come join us. We're sipping on timeless talk.
Chill (00:23)
Hello there everyone. This is your girl chill. think I'm chill.
Chai (00:28)
Yes,
you are chill, which you are not chill. And I am chai, which I occasionally drink chai. But here's Chillin' Chai. We are here today to talk about something very near and dear to my heart. No, it's not chocolate. It's growth. And we're going to call this series The Growth Seat.
Chill (00:53)
Ayyyy, they're growth seat.
Chai (00:55)
The growth
seat. You're sitting in your seat and are you growing? The growth seat. I very much love this topic. I believe in growth. Everything grows. At least I hope so. Everything grows. In the sun, in your office, at home, in relationships, in life. Growth. see a lot of growth. So this is going to be called the growth seat. What up to the growth seat? Love it. All right.
My friend, Chill. Let's talk about the growth seat. All right. All right. So within the growth seat, there are so many topics to discuss, but what I want to ask you about and in our ambition that we have, she's very ambitious, my friends. Loneliness in the growth seat and loneliness in your ambition.
Chill (01:37)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-mm.
Chai (01:52)
I know that it's kind of difficult to talk about because everybody is growing together, we're a team, let's do this together. But the question remains, is growth lone?
Chill (02:07)
Growth is lonely. Growth is very lonely. The only way that you can really grow is by separating yourself and getting to know yourself. And if you don't do that, then you may be growing, but it's not the way that you want it to grow.
Chai (02:24)
Okay, so tell me about a time recently where you had like small growth. Just tell me about some growth, lessons learned, something.
Chill (02:37)
Okay, so growth, boom. I have a new girl working for me. A young lady. A young lady, excuse me, thank you. A young lady working for me. And I've had to really grow. I have been a true trainer throughout my career as in a management position, excuse me. But this one has really found some opportunities for me to grow.
Chai (03:05)
You mean it's been a challenging time for you during your growth and it's been lonely because you do
Chill (03:12)
yourself. Because I'm doing it myself. So that was where we're still growing. ⁓ I have to take a step back and realize myself and have to realize where she is with her learning process. that's been a growing moment for me.
Chai (03:28)
So growth, work-related. Now I want to talk to you about personal growth. Is personal growth lonely?
Chill (03:33)
Bro.
Personal growth is lonely. I will say that I am such a person who's always with a lot of people. Meaning like ⁓ socially, yes, I'm always with a lot of people or at least like two or three. ⁓
Chai (03:47)
meaning socially.
You're always talking to somebody, you're always chatting with somebody, you're always around somebody. We'll talk about that later if you're being alone. But go ahead.
Chill (04:04)
Not you trying to expose me, y'all. But... I am because sometimes they're... You know, lately I've been on a journey, right? And maybe I'm having something and I want to... Maybe I'm feeling some type of emotion. Maybe I'm upset. And I want to reach out to somebody. Sure. But then I look down and I'm like, who can I reach out to?
Chai (04:06)
Personal growth. Are you lonely in personal growth?
You have no one to share your personal
Chill (04:33)
I people to share my personal growth with, but what I'm coming to realize, not that people don't care, but it don't really help you. Maybe they're feeding into your negative energy that you already have. Maybe they're, I don't know, just listening, but just really kind of like trying to get the tea on you so they can go spill it with somebody else. So now I just talk to God and I'll be telling God, like, God, this lonely.
Chai (04:59)
You're your fate. You're feeling your fate. You're feeling your fate.
Chill (05:05)
Yeah, big time. Big time. Big time. ⁓ What about you? What is your business and personal growth? Okay.
Chai (05:14)
Business grow.
We are in the year of 2025. For all of those future listeners, it is hell out here. But you know, for my future listeners, we are changing and adapting. And that means for me to grow outside of my comfort zone. And that is a challenge. And
Chill (05:38)
Give me an example of what a comfort zone that you're in right now.
Chai (05:42)
Comfort
zone. Clients. I have a set of clients I love and I love to work with them. Doesn't mean that their businesses are taking off like they did five years ago, 10 years ago. So I have to go find new clients in different ways to do business. So it's just not the one-on-one relationship. It's partnering with multiple people. This industry is very much a solo kind of relationship building kind of opportunity, but I've had to learn how to trust.
Chill (06:02)
Yeah ⁓
Chai (06:11)
Yeah. And grow. so business, personal. Don't even talk about it. What do you
Chill (06:13)
That's hard. That is hard.
personal do do do do do you
mean we talked last week about the no so any personal growth with that no personal
Chai (06:28)
Both is lonely because...
Chill (06:31)
So that's a no, just so everybody knows.
Chai (06:34)
Personal growth is lonely and why? Because I have an ambition and a drive that is like no one else that I know. I mean, I woke up on Sunday morning and already had a new business idea in my head and I came to work on Monday. like, this has nothing to do with what we do, Trisha. I know, but this is my idea. So I am constantly challenging myself to learn new things.
Chill (07:03)
green.
Chai (07:05)
I believe in fake it till you make it. And I know we talked about this already, but I like to challenge myself. Can I do this? Can I grow? And let me tell you, other people don't share my thought process or my excitement or my ambition. Hello husband, hashtag husband does not share anything that I am excited about. And this is probably why we yin and yang real well. We vibe, but.
I get no love. I get no love at home for I want to do this and let's do that. I'm and just personal growth, accepting things that I cannot change. is hard. So yeah, personal growth I think is lonely because no one really shares the feelings and the emotion. Okay, let me ask this question. The climb versus the crowd. Okay, because we're both ambitious women. Yeah. Right.
Chill (07:51)
No. Ask away.
Chai (08:02)
Alright, you are Gen-A-Z.
Chill (08:04)
I don't ⁓
Chai (08:07)
You're out there You're not Gen X. I'm Gen X. You're Gen Z or millennial. You're on the border I have definitely a Gen X er a hundred and ten million percent Gen X all the way and I'm saying the climb versus the crowd my people We were climbers. We had we were doers. Mm-hmm. We had to do it No one is gonna do it for you. You had to do it yourself. Mm-hmm What about your generation?
Chill (08:36)
think it's a mix. I think it's a mix. ⁓ I think there's a lot of people who follow the crowd. But then I also feel like there's a few, or a mix of us, a good handful of us too who are climbers. We're gonna reach that ball.
Chai (08:53)
Okay, so then let me ask that question. The climb versus the crowd. Now you got your friends, you got your social circle, you got your people. All right, you're the climber and they're the crowd. Is that lonely?
Chill (09:07)
That is lonely. Talk to me. Some people don't see the vision. Like, I have a thousand one vision. She's right. You could wake up one day and be like, I have this dream. I have this plan. I'm going to execute. And then you share it. And other people are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, down. What are you even talking about? I don't get it. It's like I'm in that zone. I'm in my own brain.
Yeah, there is no whoa whoa whoa, but You know also I have found a climber. She's she's 50-50. She's half a crowd or she's half a climber and I will present something to her She's like wow, that's a great idea and then she'll give me like a breakdown and then we start like she's not really
I'm an executor and so she always tells me like, sis, that's so amazing. Like you say you're gonna do something, you put your mind to it and you get out there and you do it. And I'm like, girl, you could do it too.
Chai (10:06)
Awesome, but do you think it's lonely trying to level up like that?
Chill (10:10)
Yes
it is! It is because everybody can't come up with you. Everybody can't make the climb.
Chai (10:18)
But I'm telling you that's truth because I feel that I am a servant leader. I'm a servant leader. I will be your leader because I'm here to service you. Agreed. I'm here to make sure that you succeed. I will give you the tools and the ideas and the oper- just give you everything that you need to succeed and I'm here to help you succeed. Correct. Servant leader. However, I- ⁓
have the ambition and drive for people and they just don't have it. Yeah. And it's lonely.
Chill (10:51)
It's
lonely. Yeah, it very much is. you know, it's very interesting. Sometimes you just have to walk that path, you know, yourself. My mentor has said recently, if you want to live ⁓ above average or do something different with your life, then you're going to have to do different things. sometimes I used to work overnight and people would be like, my God, when are you going to get a job? Like that's not on the daytime, like the rest of us and da da da da.
And I was like, I actually enjoy my overnight job because while y'all are at work doing A, C, and D, I can do whatever I need to. Nobody bothers me. Nobody questions me. Then when I go to work, y'all are getting off and now you're coming to ask me. I get time to create in my peace and quiet, but constantly people were just like, when are you going to get a normal job? When are you going to do this? I've never done things normally because I don't want to live a normal life. Like, so.
You have to do things differently and that is going to be lonely. Like it is going to be, you know, like people, if you do different things, if people are constantly doing the norm and they're questioning, like, why are you different? Why are you doing something different? It's okay to be the oddball out. Like I promise you, cause sometimes or somewhere along the way, you're going to be a lot farther than the people who still doing they everyday normal thing, complaining, doing this, doing that. No.
Chai (12:17)
But you gotta grind a little. Yeah. You gotta grind. And I think the grind is lonely too.
Chill (12:19)
You gotta grind. Of course.
I think the grind is very lonely. I think the grind is very lonely
Chai (12:28)
The grind is lonely and do you feel like something's off because you're lonely during your leveling up? Like you're trying to make it, you're leveling up and you're going to the next step. Do you think something's off?
Chill (12:42)
No, I don't think anything is off with me. I used to feel like, my God, I'm missing out on ABCDEFG, life, life, life. ⁓ When I worked three jobs at one time and I was missing birthday parties, I was missing family this, friends this. But then I ended up taking two trips that year because I worked three jobs, paid my bills, had money, and I like to travel. So I feel like that right there, it taught me that
you do what you want to do and then people will talk about it and say you missed this or you weren't there for this but this is my life so i want to do abcd i'll send you a card i'll put money towards somebody's something but if i can't be president because i'm going after what i want then that's just the sacrifice that i'm gonna have to make and not everybody is going to understand that so
Chai (13:32)
You learned something about yourself in your solitude of growth.
Chill (13:37)
Correct. That is, listen to her y'all.
Chai (13:41)
Okay, I'm also gonna tell you something. I've also learned something in the solitude of my own growth. Okay. The rest of my family does not like Keanu Reeves. ⁓ And I hashtag love Keanu Reeves. Since I was in college, I had a poster of him in my room. This was just a reference so I can bring him in. And I'm gonna do this on every episode until I get to meet him. Hashtag Keanu. I love him. And...
Chill (13:54)
Hashtag love.
Chai (14:10)
He is himself. He doesn't listen to the noise. He is a rock star. He may not be an Academy Award nominated actor. Talk about John Wick.
Chill (14:14)
and BOOM.
It is.
but he should be.
Okay, talk about John Wick, please talk about the Matrix. Okay. Talk about everything he's ever done.
Chai (14:34)
Only he was alone in John Wick. Yeah. Okay. Tell me in Matrix. He I mean he had that lady whatever but he
Chill (14:43)
He's still alone. having to go through all that. Shout out to Dio.
Chai (14:47)
So
what I'm saying is that something that you've learned about yourself and the solitude of growth is that you can do it.
Chill (14:57)
You can do it. You can do it. It is lonely. You will cry. You will be like, why, why, why? But then the fruit of your labor is so rewarding that you're just like, I can push forward.
Chai (15:11)
Yes, I'm going to tell you I grind. I grind and I grind and no one really knows and they have no idea what I do. Please me to my next question. Let's say, do you think that
And hold on for this one, because this is really hard. Have you ever downplayed your success to stay connected to the crowd? I know that's a hard one to do. That's have you downplayed your success? Have you acted in a way where you are not as successful so you could be with the crowd?
Chill (15:34)
Okay.
think so. I'm not a I'm not a be in the crowd type of person. ⁓ So I'm not going to downplay myself just to like that's kind of like basically saying are you downplaying yourself so you can fit in? I choose I don't care to fit in.
Chai (16:13)
Okay, different for me because I have a hundred percent downplayed who I am.
Chill (16:18)
Which is crazy, because this is a phenomenal, hardworking woman. So to hear this, y'all, is really surprising. And it's good, because you're really hot shit, y'all. Thank you.
Chai (16:29)
No, it's not.
You and Keanu Reeves should be But I have, and it's sad, and actually it's a little stick and twisted. But I have downplayed my success. I have downplayed who I am. I have to say, do you know what I do? You have no idea who I am or what I do. Specifically my family members. I mean, I wish them...
the best in what they do, but I don't tend to brag on who I am or what I do and what I've done. And I want to be just one of the people. And this is going to be hard that I'm going to tell you this. Sometimes I just act dumb with my family. I just act dumb and not to be dumb for dumb sake, but you're in the crap.
Chill (17:17)
you
Yeah.
Chai (17:30)
You gotta be with the crowd.
Chill (17:33)
understandable with your family. I just hope you're not doing that outside of them.
Chai (17:38)
No, not so much.
Chill (17:39)
Like pop it, tell these people who you are. Like I am the boss and that's what it is. And I run ABCDEFG. Don't play with me.
Chai (17:47)
I know, I know, but it's hard to wear the crown. It's hard to be, it's just difficult. I am telling you, success is not only.
Chill (18:00)
is hard. Success is hard.
They say that it's lonely at the top and people don't understand that because you be trying to bring people like this. It's like a crab in the barrel mentality. If you bring people in who don't really understand what's going on, your ambition, where you're going, they can constantly bring you down.
Yes. And then you could be sitting here like, got all these ideas. I can do this. I can do this. But you're not doing it because everybody keeps telling you, why are doing it? That sounds crazy. And then you're taking advice from people who not even doing what you do. Yeah. Be careful with that. We'll talk. We'll touch on that again. But be careful. Don't take advice from people who are not living the life that you want to live. No.
Chai (18:36)
⁓
Okay, before we round out this topic, because this is a topic that I can speak on for hours, but I won't. But I want to get your take on if someone was listening right now, not someone, if you are and when you are listening right now, better be listening people, when you're listening right now, because my life kind of depends on this, when you're listening right now and if someone feels totally alone in their self growth,
journey. What would you say to them?
Chill (19:17)
Identify why you feel lonely. Like what is it that you need? Because that's what it is. Like when we're lonely, we're like craving something. So identify what that is. And then like I said, I speak to God. I'm not ⁓ a religious person. I'm a very spiritual person. And whenever I speak and say, hey, I'm lonely. I need ABCND somehow, some way.
There's another project that pops up that keeps my mind like you're lonely, but you're lonely for a reason. put it in the universe for me, for me, but I would say identify. Cause at first I thought, you know, it was like, ⁓ it's cause I need somebody to be right here with me to help me do ABC and D. And then once I identified, like I don't need anybody to start a podcast, to go out there and go to a venue to reach out to da da da da da.
Chai (19:50)
And you put it in the universe. For you.
Chill (20:15)
I realized like I don't need these people, these people holding me back. And that's why I'm lonely. I'm lonely because I wanted somebody to hold my hand while I start the process. Because you're sitting in a growth seat. So identify why is it that you're lonely and why is it that you think you need somebody when you can really do it yourself?
Chai (20:23)
because you're sitting in the grove.
And that comes back and you guys are gonna hate this word, the hustle. I will say it every episode. I don't care what anybody says. I will say it every episode, it's the hustle. And that's, it's lonely. I'm not gonna lie. It's lonely being in my head and it's lonely wanting so much more for myself and for my family when they don't know. It's hard and but for those out there,
that are listening right now and you're feeling alone. I'm going to tell you something. You can be married and happily married for 25 years and be alone. You can be with your best friend and sitting next to her or him and be alone.
Chill (21:19)
Uh-uh,
we not getting into all that.
Chai (21:22)
I'm sorry to my daydams. just am new. Please forgive. And ⁓ I have to ask for forgiveness. you could be alone. I think loneliness is something, and you're right. Is it something that you're missing? What do you need to fill the void with? But if you're on your self-growth journey, remember it's about you.
Chill (21:50)
It's about you. So it's gonna be lonely. ⁓
Chai (21:52)
It's about you.
And all those obstacles in your way and you know, don't listen to the crowd. Don't let the crowd bring you down. Be not normal. Be that crazy person who wore different socks every day. That was me in high school. ⁓ Be that person who is just different. Yeah. Because that is this is your journey. Yeah. You've got one life.
Chill (22:08)
That's me now.
You got one life and it's so short. So do whatever the F you want to do. Yeah.
Chai (22:20)
You've got one life.
It's a growth seat, my friends. You've got one life. ⁓ Say yes to whatever you need to say yes to. Don't listen to the crowd. And I hate to be your cheerleader, but go girl. Go girl. Or guy. You go.
Chill (22:41)
You go-
They them they them you go they you go y'all yeah
Chai (22:49)
you
go y'all take it it for I'm like my I have somebody that I know that raised her kids and then went started a company and then started another company and then realized that she loves kids became a doula and she goes to people's houses and takes care of their babies. She was a night nurse and then after that she's like I'm not doing that night nurse anymore then she's like go and play with your baby.
Chill (23:18)
Yes, exactly. Yes.
Chai (23:21)
So this is an arc and she's a published author. I mean, she's done all these things. And what did she go back to? The babies.
Chill (23:29)
Full circle! Full circle. ⁓ yep. The growth seat, the growth seat. And remember, this is a marathon. It is not a destination to win a medal. Okay? You're going to be in the growth seat. Yeah, you're not sprinting. Take your time. Grow. Stay in that growth seat forever. How long you feel like it may be your whole life, honestly. Grow every day.
Chai (23:31)
But it was her growth. The growth.
love it.
Chill (23:56)
Yes ma'am. And on that note y'all we're gonna catch y'all next time. Grove seat. Bye!
Chai (23:59)
Woohoo Growth seat.
