Why You Don't Know Who You Are Anymore After Narcissistic Abuse with Bill Eddy
You were kind, agreeable, willing to compromise — and somewhere along the way, you stopped recognizing yourself. If you've left a narcissistic relationship unsure what you like, what you want, or whether you can trust your own memory, this episode gives you the language for why.
Chelsey talks with Bill Eddy — attorney, therapist, mediator, and author of 20+ books including Splitting — about how narcissistic abuse erodes your sense of self, and how to rebuild it. Bill shares his ERII theory (Emotional Repetition In Isolation) — the slow chipping away that keeps people trapped — and why the most agreeable, empathetic people are so often the targets.
Then it gets practical: the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) for handling hostile messages without getting hooked, how to describe a high-conflict co-parent in court without the word "narcissist," and a preview of Bill's newest book, SLIC Solutions, on setting limits and imposing consequences.
Whether you're still in it, recently out, or co-parenting with someone who makes every exchange a battle, you'll leave with tools you can use today.
ABOUT BILL
Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. is the co-founder and Director of Innovation of the High Conflict Institute based in Scottsdale, Arizona. For 12 years he was a child and family therapist (as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker), then he was a lawyer representing clients in family courts (as a Certified Family Law Specialist) for 15 years, and finally he was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 40 U.S. states and 14 countries. He is the author or co-author of over 20 books, manuals, and workbooks, including High Conflict People in Legal Disputes, BIFF for CoParent Communication, and SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Connect with Bill:
👉 www.HighConflictInstitute.com [http://www.highconflictinstitute.com/]
👉 www.ConflictInfluencer.com [http://www.conflictinfluencer.com/]
👉 www.UnhookedBooks.com [http://www.unhookedbooks.com/]
ABOUT CHELSEY
Chelsey Brooke Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and certified partner trauma therapist helping people trust themselves again after narcissistic abuse. She's the author of the best-selling book If Only I'd Known! How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth. She hosts the Restoring Resilience podcast and guides survivors to healing through her signature program, Rewired for Resilience: Reclaiming Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse. Her work has been featured in USA Today, HuffPost, Psychology Today, and other media outlets. You can learn more about working with Chelsey or her resources at www.chelseybrookecole.com [http://www.chelseybrookecole.com/]
Chelsey's Resources
If this episode resonated with you, here are a few ways to go deeper:
✨ Free Masterclass: The Narcissist's Playbook Understand the exact patterns narcissists use—and why it's so hard to see clearly when you're in it
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/ [https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/the-narcissists-playbook/]
🧠 Free Quizzes: Is It Narcissistic Abuse? Not sure what you're dealing with? Take a free 2-minute quiz to get clarity now
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/ [https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/quizzes/]
✨ Rewired for Resilience (Healing Program) Go beyond awareness and start rebuilding self-trust, emotional safety, and clarity from the inside out
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/ [https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/rewired-for-resilience/]
📖 Read the First Chapter of My Book (Free)
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/ [https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/firstchapterfree/]
🌐 Website
👉 https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/ [https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/]
(0:00) Introduction – Meet Bill Eddy
(0:47) How Narcissists Erode Your Sense of Self
(4:08) The ERII Theory: Emotional Repetition in Isolation
(5:23) External Obstacles Keeping You Stuck
(9:31) Flying Monkeys & Social Enablement
(12:52) Rebuilding Self-Trust After the Relationship
(16:12) The BIFF Method Explained
(19:50) Why You Shouldn't Use AI to Write BIFF Responses
(22:01) How BIFF Rewires Your Brain
(23:53) Presenting Your Case in Court (Without Saying "Narcissist")
(27:43) The Power of Telling Your Story First
(31:43) The SLIC Solutions Book
(36:14) Setting Limits & Boundaries Authentically
(37:09) Closing Question: One Way to Restore Resilience Today
