Three Percent

How To Be Less Triggered with Dr. Kelly Flanagan

Why do the people we love most have the ability to trigger us the fastest? In this conversation, Dr. Kelly Flanagan joins Jamie and Blake to explore what really happens when we move from connection into protection. Drawing from his new book, The Road Less Triggered, Kelly explains how our nervous systems react to perceived threats, why our hearts close in moments of conflict, and how we can learn to stay present instead of becoming defensive. Together, they unpack why anger is often a doorway into deeper emotions, how sadness gets blocked for many men, and why healing begins by asking not “What’s wrong with me?” but “What happened to me?” The conversation is practical, deeply compassionate, and full of memorable metaphors that make complex emotional dynamics easier to understand. If you’ve ever felt hijacked by your reactions, struggled to stay open in conflict, or wondered why small moments create such big responses, this episode offers a hopeful path toward greater calm, freedom, and connection. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Why being triggered is normal—and doesn’t mean you’re broken * How to move from protection mode back into connection mode * Why anger often points to sadness underneath the surface * What it means to restore your sense of choice in conflict * How boundaries can be set with an open heart * Why healing turns 30-day conflicts into 30-second recoveries CHAPTERS (00:00) Introducing Kelly Flanagan and The Road Less Triggered(05:00) Turning 30 days of conflict into 30 seconds(10:00) What it actually means to be triggered(14:00) Restoring your sense of choice(18:00) Why your nervous system thinks you’re in danger(22:00) Jamie’s story of trauma and non-consensual touch(27:00) Loneliness: feeling unseen, misunderstood, and unsupported(31:00) Calmness before connectedness(34:00) Anger as a doorway into your emotional life(38:00) The sadness underneath anger and anxiety(48:00) Openhearted boundaries(52:00) Final reflections and practical application LINKS & RESOURCES * Dr. Kelly Flanagan [https://drkellyflanagan.com/] * Book: The Road Less Triggered [https://roadlesstriggered.com/] * Three Percent [https://threepercentco.com/] * Join The Basement [https://threepercentco.com/membership] (private community) KEYWORDS Kelly Flanagan, The Road Less Triggered, Three Percent Podcast, emotional triggers, relationships, marriage, anger, sadness, boundaries, vulnerability, men’s mental health, nervous system, trauma and healing, connection, emotional regulation

Inside Your 3%: Where Vulnerability and Safety Meet

What actually makes someone feel safe? In this episode, Jamie and Blake slow down to explore one of the questions they’ve been asked most recently: what does “safety” actually mean—and how does it connect to the core idea behind Three Percent? Through personal stories, recovery experiences, parenting examples, and reflections on friendship, they unpack why vulnerability feels so difficult for most people. Not because something is wrong with us, but because many of us learned early on that honesty, emotion, or neediness didn’t feel safe. The result? We stay hidden, disconnected, and stuck carrying things alone. This conversation reframes vulnerability not as weakness, but as courage. It’s about learning how to recognize safe people, becoming safer people ourselves, and understanding that sharing your “3%” isn’t about oversharing—it’s about creating the kind of connection that leads to healing, freedom, and growth. If you’ve ever struggled to open up, feared being fully known, or wondered why emotional honesty feels so uncomfortable, this episode will help put language to it. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Why vulnerability often feels unsafe long before adulthood * How relational safety is built through attunement, repair, and consistency * What “3%” actually means beyond the podcast name * Why sharing your story creates deeper connection and healing * The difference between emotional safety and emotional comfort * Why staying hidden may feel protective—but ultimately costs more CHAPTERS (00:00) Looking for a new podcast co-host (02:00) Why this conversation about safety matters (04:00) How childhood shapes vulnerability in adulthood (07:00) Trauma, attachment, and feeling emotionally unsafe (10:00) What attunement actually means (12:00) Helping kids regulate emotions in real time (15:00) Why many adults never learned emotional safety (16:00) The deeper meaning behind “3%” (19:00) How to know if someone feels safe (21:00) The fly fishing story and relational vulnerability (24:00) Predictability, repair, and emotional trust (27:00) What being safe for someone else actually looks like (29:00) Why accountability and compassion must coexist (33:00) “Vulnerability will always cost you something” (35:00) Why staying hidden costs even more (37:00) An invitation into deeper connection in The Basement LINKS & RESOURCES * Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ [ https://threepercentco.com/] * Join The Basement (private community + monthly Q&A): https://threepercentco.com/membership [https://threepercentco.com/membership] KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, vulnerability, emotional safety, attachment, trauma and healing, men’s mental health, relationships, emotional regulation, authenticity, connection, shame, healing, friendship, accountability, personal growth

What Makes a Man Safe? with Amy Alexander

What actually makes a man feel safe to others? In this conversation, Amy Alexander—therapist, co-founder of The Refuge Center, and someone who has spent decades working with survivors of trauma and abuse—offers a perspective most men rarely hear. Not from theory, but from real stories of women navigating fear, harm, and healing. Together, they explore the dynamics of power and control that often go unnoticed, and how even subtle patterns—people-pleasing, image management, avoidance, or lack of self-awareness—can erode safety in relationships over time. But this isn’t about shame or blame. It’s an invitation. A chance for men to listen, learn, and grow—not from defensiveness, but from humility. Amy names three powerful markers of a safe man: transparency, accountability, and a willingness to sacrifice time and energy for the good of others. If you’ve ever wondered what healthy masculinity actually looks like in practice—or how to become someone others feel safe with—this conversation offers clarity, honesty, and a path forward. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Why safety isn’t defined by intention—but by how others experience you * How subtle power dynamics can exist even without obvious abuse * Why transparency builds trust faster than perfection ever could * The difference between accountability and shame-dumping * How unresolved patterns can quietly shape your relationships * Why sacrificing time and energy is essential to becoming a safe partner CHAPTERS (00:00) The story behind The Refuge Center (04:00) Making therapy affordable, excellent, and accessible (08:00) A vision shaped by real human need (12:00) Working with survivors of domestic violence (16:00) Understanding power and control dynamics (20:00) How identity slowly erodes in unsafe relationships (23:00) The cycle of abuse explained (26:00) Why people stay—and why it’s more complex than you think (29:00) What healthy masculinity actually requires (31:00) Why transparency creates safety (36:00) The role of accountability (and what it’s not) (42:00) How shame-dumping damages relationships (45:00) Becoming the man your younger self needed (47:00) Why sacrifice matters more than you think (51:00) Practical examples of showing up in everyday life (56:00) How to support The Refuge Center LINKS & RESOURCES - The Refuge Center: https://refugecenter.org/ [https://refugecenter.org/ ] - Amy Alexander Bio: https://refugecenter.org/staff/amy-alexander/ [https://refugecenter.org/staff/amy-alexander/ ] - Support The Refuge Center (Faith Builders): https://refugecenter.org/ [https://refugecenter.org/ ] - Power and Control Wheel: https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/ [https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/] - Join The Basement (private Q&A + community): https://threepercentco.com/membership [https://threepercentco.com/membership] KEYWORDS Amy Alexander, Refuge Center, Three Percent Podcast, healthy masculinity, emotional safety, relationships, trauma and healing, domestic violence, power and control, accountability, vulnerability, men’s mental health, transparency, personal growth

AI & Mental Health pt. 2: Why Am I Always Angry?

Why does anger feel like the only emotion you can access? In part two of the AI & Mental Health series, the guys take on one of the most common questions men are asking right now: “Why am I always angry?” It’s a question that often carries shame—but what if anger isn’t the problem? Drawing from their work as therapists (and their own stories), they explore how anger often becomes the default emotion—not because it’s the only thing you feel, but because it’s the safest one to express. Underneath it is usually something more vulnerable: sadness, fear, shame, or even unmet needs that have gone unnoticed for years. This conversation reframes anger as a signal, not a failure. It’s an invitation to slow down, get curious, and begin connecting with what’s really happening beneath the surface—so you can move from reaction to awareness, and ultimately, to real change. If you’ve ever felt stuck in frustration, quick to react, or disconnected from your emotions, this episode will help you understand why—and what to do next. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Why anger often masks more vulnerable emotions like sadness or fear * How anger creates the illusion of control when you feel powerless * Why many men only learned how to express one emotion—and it’s anger * How unprocessed emotions build up and eventually come out sideways * Why your anger is a signal pointing to something deeper—not a personal failure * A practical framework to move from reaction to awareness (pause, pray, process, express) CHAPTERS (00:00) Why Jamie first went to therapy: numb or angry(02:00) The AI & Mental Health series explained(04:30) The #1 question: “Why am I always angry?”(08:00) Anger as the illusion of control(10:30) What anger is actually protecting(12:30) When anger is your only emotional outlet(14:00) Why more men are asking mental health questions(16:00) Anger as a signal, not a problem(18:00) A real-life example of anger masking sadness(21:00) The “anger iceberg” explained(23:00) Why compassion changes everything(25:00) The impact of culture, media, and overwhelm(27:00) Why control isn’t the goal—connection is(29:00) Practicing self-compassion in real time(31:00) Final thoughts + invitation to The Basement LINKS & RESOURCES * Join The Basement (private Q&A + community): https://threepercentco.com/membership [https://threepercentco.com/membership] * Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ [https://threepercentco.com/] * AI & Mental Health Pt. 1: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6INc2GgY9IR52t6I38OzbI?si=7bbd8ce1455d4c19 [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6INc2GgY9IR52t6I38OzbI?si=7bbd8ce1455d4c19] KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, AI and mental health, anger, men’s mental health, emotional awareness, vulnerability, shame, emotional regulation, relationships, masculinity, trauma and healing, self-compassion, anxiety, personal growth

Three Percent x Dadville: Why Friendship Gets Harder (and More Important) as a Dad

Why does friendship feel easier when you’re young—and harder when you need it most? In this crossover episode with Dadville, the guys from Three Percent sit down with Dave Barnes and Jon McLaughlin for an honest conversation about friendship, fatherhood, and the quiet loneliness many men carry. From the outside, it can look like life is full—marriage, kids, work—but underneath, something is missing. Together, they explore why relationships often drift in adulthood, how marriage and parenting subtly reshape your friendships, and why most men aren’t lacking relationships—they’re lacking depth. This episode is both lighthearted and deeply reflective. It’s about the courage to go beyond surface-level conversations, the intentionality required to build meaningful friendships, and the small but powerful step of sharing your “3%”—the part of your story you usually keep hidden. If you’ve ever felt disconnected, even in a full life, this conversation will help you name it—and take a step toward something deeper. KEY TAKEAWAYS * Why most adult loneliness isn’t about quantity of friends—but depth of connection * How marriage and kids naturally shift and strain friendships over time * Why vulnerability is the fastest path to meaningful connection * The hidden cost of staying at surface-level conversations * How intentionality replaces proximity in adult friendships * Why sharing your “3%” creates permission for others to do the same CHAPTERS (00:00) Introducing the crossover: Three Percent x Dadville(03:00) The origin of Dadville and longtime friendship(08:00) The story behind the “3%” concept(14:00) Why we hold back the most important parts of ourselves(18:00) Friendship in your 30s and 40s: what changes(21:00) Why proximity disappears—and intentionality must replace it(25:00) The loneliness most men don’t talk about(28:00) Why friendships don’t just “happen” anymore(31:00) Are women actually better at friendship?(33:00) How marriage and kids reshape your relationships(40:00) What it takes to build meaningful friendships as a dad(43:00) A real story of vulnerability changing everything(47:00) Why sharing your struggles brings connection, not rejection(52:00) Modeling vulnerability as a parent(56:00) The long-term impact of repair and honesty LINKS & RESOURCES * Dadville Podcast: https://thatsoundsfunnetwork.com/podcasts/dadville/ [https://thatsoundsfunnetwork.com/podcasts/dadville/] * Join The Basement ⁠https://threepercentco.com/membership⁠⁠ [https://threepercentco.com/membership⁠] * Three Percent Website – ⁠⁠https://threepercentco.com/⁠⁠ [https://threepercentco.com/⁠] * Follow Three Percent on IG: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/threepercent.co/⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/threepercent.co/⁠] KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Dadville, Dave Barnes, Jon McLaughlin, male friendship, fatherhood, loneliness, vulnerability, relationships, emotional health, masculinity, connection, parenting, community, personal growth